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Nothing really epic going on this round, just clearing my head to retain my sanity after our latest potential new hire completed his training, and, surprise, failed his drug screen. (that's three in a row now, the only thing more consistent in failure than these no hopers are the Cleveland Browns!)
Anyway..... enjoy the potpourri.
Get me my Paper Bag With the Frowny-Face Drawn on it.
"You should be ashamed!"
So said the latest person who gave their unsolicited opinion of my job performance, as they happened to be passing by as I was making yet another poor sap pay the piper for their illegal parking shenanigans.
Me? Ashamed? Of what? I mean, I'd probably be pretty ashamed if some of those things I did that one night in that hotel room in Butte ever went public, but there's little chance of that since the both the camera, the photos and guy who took them are currently buried in a shallow gr........... you know what? Forget I said that. And then there was that one time when my Father was beaten, by a mere mouse! I'll never be able to show my face in public again! Boo hoo hooooooooooo!!!!
In case you can't tell that was sarcasm, I'm NOT ashamed of doing my job. If anyone should be ashamed here between you and me, it should be the Kia Motor Company.
They thought THAT shade of green looked good? And should be applied to tens of thousands of cars? Including the one you're driving? I thought that putrid "The-Hulk-Just-Blew-His-Nose Green" color went out in the 70's? It's bad enough that if I look away, I'm seeing a pink version of the same car floating in front of me for a few seconds.... but no, it's ME that's got the problem. Our hero continues, sure that the reason I haven't broken down into a sobbing, prostrate mess is beacuse I didn't hear him...
"YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!!!"
"Ashamed of what? He's illegally parked. I should be ashamed of enforcing the law?"
"YOU"RE JUST RUNNING UP THE COSTS IN THIS TOWN! I HOPE YOU'RE ASHAMED!!!"
"Well, I"m not"
"YOU SHOULD BE!"
"I'm not"
Now he's getting unhinged, apparently, I'm STILL not getting it....
"YOU'RE THE REASON STUFF COSTS SO MUCH IN THIS TOWN!!!! YOU CAN'T GET A DECENT HOTEL ROOM FOR NOTHING ANYMORE! OR A MEAL! I HOPE THE RESTAURANTS APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!!!"
Really? That's my fault too? Uh, when was the last time you asked the waiter for a bill, and there was a line-item on it for "Towing"? Wow. I've heard of someone/something having nothing to do with the cost of tea in China, but this is ridiculous! I have nothing to do with the cost of tea and/or hotel lodging in China or anywhere else I assure you.
"You have an interresting view of the world, Sir. That's a new one one me"
And with that he drove off, in his radioactive waste-hued fun-mobile to disseminate his views on the world somewhere else, hopefully far away from me, like the editorial page or something, or maybe his own vanity website, kooks just love to run those. He wasn't the only person to critique me that day, as it turned out....
Party-Girl Weighs In
WHAT IF THAT PERSON'S MOM IS DYING?!
So asketh the young lady who happened to be passing by as I was enforcing the will of the Borough upon an illegally parked car.
Huh?
Nope, I heard that right, apparently I should feel bad for towing a car WITHOUT first checking to see if the owner is having a family emergency.
I doubt it, but....
Well, If I may be so bold, if that's that case, madam, then they probably shouldn't be going to the Cross Fit at 11pm on a Friday. (And that's just what he parked in front of, no telling where he actually IS) Though grief can make people act in funny ways, now that you mention it, but my point still stands. Now for MY question:
How much have you been drinking tonight, Miss? Seeing as you're looking awfully wobbly on top of those heels, and seem to be focused on something about 30 yards behind me as you asked the question, I can only conclude you're a bit inebriated. That certainly explains why you thought it had merit, well, more merit than where it ended up, as internet story fodder.
Bro Flashes Me, I Respond
And our final contestant, the angry Bro who found out that flashers mean nothing if you didn't pay the parking meter. Of course he "Just parked here a minute ago". True, but it changes nothing, you're still illegally parked, if all it took were flashers, everyone would turn theirs on and nobody would ever have to pay. But logic is something the average Bro doesn't like, because it means he can be proven wrong. And they DO NOT like to be wrong.... so the natural reaction is........ insults!
"WHy do you do this job?! Do you LIKE it?!"
"Oh yes, very much"
"So you like being a douchebag? What they pay you extra for that?"
"Nope, same pay no matter what I do, but the best part is I'll never run out of customers as long as people like you think they're too good for the rules"
"Whatever, DOUCHEBAG!!!"
Oh wow, how many nights did you stay up inventing THAT comebacker? And it is quite the interesting phenomena, people assuming that any job where you have to be unliked at times can't be fun.... I'd say it's the people who have to STAY LIKEABLE NO MATTER WHAT that have it worse than me... I at least have the luxury of fighting back, or just not caring. Let's be honest Bro, deep down inside, you WISH you were me, too bad I answered the want ad first.
Putting the "Fun" in "NO REFUND"
That was cute, Junior, really cute. You made a theft charge.
The "theft" being in the amount of $130, taken against your will, from your credit card account, filed with our local police department.
Or I'm guessing you did, or more precisely, your Mom did, when last month's credit card statement came in and you suddenly had to explain to her what that $130 charge from Friendly Neighborhood Towing was for.
I'm guessing you/she/it already called the bank on that one and they told you to go pound sand, so you did the only logical thing left, claimed we stole from you and got the police invovled.
Not that THAT was going to get your $130 back.
As we explained to the cops, the reason for the tow (illegal parking) is on the paperwork under "reason for tow", of which they have (or were given) a carbon copy and if something in that wasn't right, you don't wait A MONTH to contest it. Since you did, it boils down to a we-said-he-said affair, all the corporeal evidence is long since gone. The cops rightfully told us (and presumably you, later) that it's now a civil matter that they are washing their hands of just as soon as we deny any wrongdoing and they close out the file, which only warranted a phone call BTW, they didn't even send Ossafer Friendly down here in person to get our side, so what's THAT tell you?
Cute, Junior, real cute. You've got a real winning family there. Either you're so unscrupulous as to lie to your own Mother, or she's so ethically deficient that lying to the COPS is no big deal.
What do you do for an encore?
I think I know.
You're probably also the reason for those two angry letters we later got from the BBB. The one that said we had a complaint against us and we better respond to it, (well, "we look forward to discussing this" which is something that's NEVER true when uttered no matter who says it, be it the BBB or the Gestapo) which went right in the trash, followed by the one that questioned why we had not responded to the first. (Here's a hint, we don't care and you can't make us) If they want to send us a third, that's their prerogative, it's not my landfill they're topping off in the process. So not only do we have a scammer, we have a LYING and PERSISTANT scammer ta' boot.
As no less an authority than Edmund Blackadder once astutely observed, our current situation is "About as enjoyable as getting an arrow through the neck, and then finding out there was a very large gas bill attached to it"
And in case you're wondering, we just don't see the point in responding to any non-legal complaints filed through third-parties. If YOU have a complaint, we'll certainly talk to you or your attorney, everyone else, buzz off, not your circus, not your monkeys.
Because we do parking enforcement, we always have legions of "customers" eager to downvote us on whatever ranking system we'd subscribe to, it'd be a full time job weeding out the lies and exaggerations, so we just don't bother. Accordingly, we have an "F" rating on them all, but that doesn't seem to stop the "customers" from coming, or the actual customers who need their tires changed and whatnot, so we just live with it and consider the ratings part of Google maps nothing more than a big ol' electronic pacifier to let the babies suck on. It's great for a laugh to read from time to time, and they all to a man admit that we may be "Scammers" but we're a QUICK WORKING bunch of scammers who take cars quick!
So go on Junior, do your worst, we'll be here trying to care LESS than we already do, which isn't much. See how much I don't care? Ooops, lost it.
That Word Does not Mean What you Keep Thinking it Means
Okay, I'm going to consult no less an authority than Dictionary.com here.
The word used was "Scam" , which is defined thusly:
a confidence game or other fraudulent scheme, especially for making a quick profit; swindle.
Note that "Fraudulent" is part of the description. What, exactly did we do that was fraudulent? In other words, what was promised of you, that was not delivered? Unless I took a few too many horse-kicks to the cranium growing up, (I did take one good one, but that was it, and I'm sure it didn't result in dain brammage
) I think I can still clearly read what it says on the sign at the entrance to that lot:
"Illegally parked cars will be towed at owners expense, Friendly Neighborhood Towing"
Your car was illegally parked
Your car was accordingly towed
Where's the deficiency? The default? The fraud?
We told you what would happen, and we did it.
Frankly, you can only call "scam" if you parked there and DIDN'T get towed! Let THAT cosmic logic bomb set in for a minute.
Of course, it's possible that you're upset over the fact that the sign doesn't explicitly warn of the storage rates on towed cars. Specifically that it's $38 per 24 hours for the first 10 days, and $50 a day for each day after that. Or the fact that at the 30 day mark, we mail the DMV and tell them we'd like to know who the last registered owner of said car is so we can send them a certified letter informing them that they settle up with us over the small matter of a very large bill. Otherwise, the only way they'll ever see their car again is in the appliance aisle of Home Depot, after it finishes trading in it's "Hyundai" badges for ones that say "Maytag". But that's just economy of scale, the sign we'd need to explain all of that would be impractically big, and you'd STILL drive by it. And, all that stuff is true, we WILL ship the car to the junkyard
Well, we actually let Goober from Goobers Auto Salvage come in for it with the world's most unsafe rollback truck, but that's a whole 'nother story. (Ever seen an International with flowering PLANTS growing off the deck? If the DOT ever spot-checks him, he might as well just hand over the keys) But I digress... point is, still no scam. We'll do it, I've seen it done.
I can see how you're reasonably upset at that $2,000 towing bill, but, being upset at a bill doesn't automatically make it a scam. Especially because you didn't know your car got towed. It would seem your son was the one who had it that night, a month-and-change ago, when he illegally parked it and got it towed, and he never came in for it. Wasn't until that aforementioned certified letter found you that you had your first warning something was wrong. That's not a scam, that's your son being a deadbeat.
You seemed pretty quick to absolve said progeny of yours of any wrongdoing. It apparently wasn't HIS fault he illegally parked (with a FAKE permit, for the win!) and you even doubted we towed him from said property, even though the fake pass with the NAME OF THE PROPERTY was still on the dash. Bleached white from all those days in the sun, but still readable.
Nope, you INSISTED we must have towed him from HIS apartment where he pays for a space. That WOULD be a scam, but, that would require an alternate version of events. As you can see on this paperwork, he was towed from the place he made the fake for, so says the driver who towed it and the property manager who called him in. You think two total strangers would lie about that? That'd be a CONSPIRACY but not a scam.
You demanded we "get him out of this" because "he's just a poor college kid" When the manager told you "There's no way out of this bill except giving us the title to the car" You claimed this was another "scam" Uh, no, it's an inconvenient truth, perhaps, but not a scam.
Again, we TOLD ya we'd shoot! But you didn't believe us! Why won't you believe us?!
And then, to cap off the fun, you played the race car, er race card (Typos are funnay!). Namely, that we only towed your son because he's racial persuasion "A" and we're all racial persuasion "B". Ahem, "SCAMMING *racial persuasion "B"* truck drivers!!"
That fact that he was illegally parked with fake permits? That didn't maybe have more to do with it? Hmmmmmm? Besides, the car is a bone-stock Hyundai Elantra, exactly HOW am I supposed to draw any meaningful inferences about his race from that? Besides, I guarantee you that for every one of those I tow in, I get three redneck pickups, so I'm hardly a racial profiler. If anything, I profile for profound stupidity. And stupidity knows NO race, NO sex and NO creed. Trust me.....
By the way, that's not a scam, either, that's just you getting really desperate to dodge a bill.
Denying you owe a bill that you clearly do? That IS a scam. Is that mind blown yet?
You Catch More Flies with Honey....
... than vinegar. But I'm reminded sometimes that even vinegar is better bait than barbed wire.
For example.
When you illegally parked at the senior home so you could go to the restaurant across the street, and the old guy on the front park bench told you not to because the lot is private.... you flip him the bird and say "F*CK YOU"?
Maybe you didn't think he was telling the truth?
Maybe you didn't consider him much of a threat, what with him being all geriatric and whatnot?
Maybe you thought he was too old and senile to do much to you?
Had the sudden urge to go all Alpha-Male? Was that it, Bro? After all, you have to justify all those hours spent in the gym and the tanning booth, so you're going to just put your foot down on the first person who dares question your actions and dare them to come at you? Cuz' Broseph Stalin, the Bro of Steel, fears NO MAN? That it?
Well, whatever it was, rethink it next time before you park, seeing as you now owe us $130.
The old guy may have been many things, but one thing he WASN'T was too old and frail to dial our phone number.....
Where They Put the "Ass" in "Asinine"
The most Ass-inine complaint I ever got came in the other day. Person wrote us an email demanding a refund because I wasn't wearing proper "Towing Attire" when I towed them.
Apparently, you can't tow someone for illegal parking if you're not dressed for the occasion.
Sounds like a unique brand of "Sovereign Citizen" on the loose, the kind that think court documents aren't legally valid if they're printed on the wrong shade of white, or that if you spell your name in lower-case letters, court documents where it's capitalized aren't valid....
Usually complaints like this get at least a humorous "please cite the law we violated" email in return, but sometimes it's best not to convince the loonies they have an audience, so this one just went into the e-recycle bin.
The irony being that we USED to have much more professional uniforms than we do now, and people would STILL argue they didn't meet imaginary dress code rules that don't exist, or, at least a couple times, we were accused of "impersonating authority" if we looked "too official". Can't win for trying when the goalposts are always in motion, huh?
Crazy paranoid people... can't live with em, can't get a good chuckle over a beer without em' If only they wouldn't occasionally take pot-shots at elected officials, I'd say the world's a better place for em.
I Like to Move it Move it...........
So, a lot monitor for Global Domination Reality found an illegal car at thier 434 Proletariat St property with no permit. They gave it a ticket and called us to tow it. Randy gets there, but said illegal vehicle is gone. No sooner does he return to base than the monitor calls again, 454 Proletariat has parking on two sides of the building, and he's found the car again on the 2nd side. Still no permit, but the ticket is in the cup holder inside, so it's not like the owner didn't see it. He hands out another ticket and resets the game clock.
Sidebar: How dense does one have to be that when they get TICKETED for illegal parking, they think the solution is to just move OVER a space or two? It says RIGHT ON THE TICKET that they are being tagged/towed for "no permit" not for "Not in right space" as if parking lots are bingo cards where everyone gets that one free space...
Too bad he wasn't parking at the Pentagon, we could've kept this up all day.
Anyway, Randy goes down again, and this time he gets it. When he pulls into the back lot with it, my heart skips a beat, oh no............ nooooooooooo it CAN'T be.
It was only called in as a "green car" but there's no doubt, it's Mister I-Should-Be-Ashamed's Kia.
Hi there pardner' haven't seen you for a bit!
I squirreled myself away in a corner behind the counter when he came in, eager to hear another diatribe about how this will surely affect his cable bill or something... but he was surprisingly civil and content. $160 (130 for the tow, 2 $15 tickets) will do that to a fella, I guess.
How Low the Mighty Will Go
I love when Self-Important-Mighty-Businessmen-Assholes (hence SIMBA) get towed because they are most amusing when they demand to see their cars before they pay to get them out of impound.
See, SIMBA, being a self-styled ubermensch who is superior to us wage primates on account of the fact he owns a business is CERTAIN that we could no possibly have towed his precious car without damaging it, on account of us being, well, primates, unlike he who is only maybe two rungs down from God himself. There's no way a trained monkey can tow a car and NOT bounce it off stationary objects like a huge game of pinball! It's just not possible for pond scum like us to be competent at something we do day in and day out for a LIVING!
And it's always a hoot when they can't find any damage around the car, desperately want to look under the car, but can't bring themselves to actually put down a hand and TOUCH that filthy filthy ground that we unwashed masses tread upon, and instead perform the SIMBA LIMBO, trying to bend at the waist and knees enough to look under their cars from a vertical position. (and what are you hoping to find? I know you've never once looked under there, not even when it was new, you probably don't even know what 90% of those plastic and metal thingamajigs are, you probably think the McPherson Strut is some hot new dance craze and Pitman Arms are a Hotel.)
Naturally, the more expensive cars tend to, somehow, end up in the muddiest, sloshiest, standing-wateriest part of the lot. Gee, don't know why that is.
Our latest SIMBA was a doozy, not only could he find no damage, do the limbo, and yell at us for "ruining his day" for towing him out of a permit-only lot... but he then demanded to know how we got into the car to put it in "neutral". He didn't seem to get the whole "towing" thing, and how we don't do that because we don't have to, our industry has invented these great things called "dollies" that means we can take you no matter what gear you're in and even if you had no wheels at all.
He didn't like any of this, his opportunities to retaliate by claiming bogus damage are rapidly waning. So he does the only thing left, he claims we broke into the car and stole from him.
"My briefcase is missing from the car!" he says.
"Well, go back up front and file a complaint"
"I guess I'll have to call the police!"
"go ahead, we'll wait"
"Forget it! I don't have time for this today! I was supposed to be visiting my family right now, but you've messed it all up!"
Yep, that sure was a legitimate claim, from very important to insignificant, in 10 seconds, you backed out of that lie so fast, you probably got whiplash. Maybe you can sue yourself for that, I'll be a witness, I saw the whole thing your Honor, he was dumb enough to think it would stick!
Ah, the SIMBA, hours of fun for the whole family!
Anyway..... enjoy the potpourri.
Get me my Paper Bag With the Frowny-Face Drawn on it.
"You should be ashamed!"
So said the latest person who gave their unsolicited opinion of my job performance, as they happened to be passing by as I was making yet another poor sap pay the piper for their illegal parking shenanigans.
Me? Ashamed? Of what? I mean, I'd probably be pretty ashamed if some of those things I did that one night in that hotel room in Butte ever went public, but there's little chance of that since the both the camera, the photos and guy who took them are currently buried in a shallow gr........... you know what? Forget I said that. And then there was that one time when my Father was beaten, by a mere mouse! I'll never be able to show my face in public again! Boo hoo hooooooooooo!!!!
In case you can't tell that was sarcasm, I'm NOT ashamed of doing my job. If anyone should be ashamed here between you and me, it should be the Kia Motor Company.
They thought THAT shade of green looked good? And should be applied to tens of thousands of cars? Including the one you're driving? I thought that putrid "The-Hulk-Just-Blew-His-Nose Green" color went out in the 70's? It's bad enough that if I look away, I'm seeing a pink version of the same car floating in front of me for a few seconds.... but no, it's ME that's got the problem. Our hero continues, sure that the reason I haven't broken down into a sobbing, prostrate mess is beacuse I didn't hear him...
"YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED! I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!!!"
"Ashamed of what? He's illegally parked. I should be ashamed of enforcing the law?"
"YOU"RE JUST RUNNING UP THE COSTS IN THIS TOWN! I HOPE YOU'RE ASHAMED!!!"
"Well, I"m not"
"YOU SHOULD BE!"
"I'm not"
Now he's getting unhinged, apparently, I'm STILL not getting it....
"YOU'RE THE REASON STUFF COSTS SO MUCH IN THIS TOWN!!!! YOU CAN'T GET A DECENT HOTEL ROOM FOR NOTHING ANYMORE! OR A MEAL! I HOPE THE RESTAURANTS APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!!!"
Really? That's my fault too? Uh, when was the last time you asked the waiter for a bill, and there was a line-item on it for "Towing"? Wow. I've heard of someone/something having nothing to do with the cost of tea in China, but this is ridiculous! I have nothing to do with the cost of tea and/or hotel lodging in China or anywhere else I assure you.
"You have an interresting view of the world, Sir. That's a new one one me"
And with that he drove off, in his radioactive waste-hued fun-mobile to disseminate his views on the world somewhere else, hopefully far away from me, like the editorial page or something, or maybe his own vanity website, kooks just love to run those. He wasn't the only person to critique me that day, as it turned out....
Party-Girl Weighs In
WHAT IF THAT PERSON'S MOM IS DYING?!
So asketh the young lady who happened to be passing by as I was enforcing the will of the Borough upon an illegally parked car.
Huh?
Nope, I heard that right, apparently I should feel bad for towing a car WITHOUT first checking to see if the owner is having a family emergency.
I doubt it, but....
Well, If I may be so bold, if that's that case, madam, then they probably shouldn't be going to the Cross Fit at 11pm on a Friday. (And that's just what he parked in front of, no telling where he actually IS) Though grief can make people act in funny ways, now that you mention it, but my point still stands. Now for MY question:
How much have you been drinking tonight, Miss? Seeing as you're looking awfully wobbly on top of those heels, and seem to be focused on something about 30 yards behind me as you asked the question, I can only conclude you're a bit inebriated. That certainly explains why you thought it had merit, well, more merit than where it ended up, as internet story fodder.
Bro Flashes Me, I Respond
And our final contestant, the angry Bro who found out that flashers mean nothing if you didn't pay the parking meter. Of course he "Just parked here a minute ago". True, but it changes nothing, you're still illegally parked, if all it took were flashers, everyone would turn theirs on and nobody would ever have to pay. But logic is something the average Bro doesn't like, because it means he can be proven wrong. And they DO NOT like to be wrong.... so the natural reaction is........ insults!
"WHy do you do this job?! Do you LIKE it?!"
"Oh yes, very much"
"So you like being a douchebag? What they pay you extra for that?"
"Nope, same pay no matter what I do, but the best part is I'll never run out of customers as long as people like you think they're too good for the rules"
"Whatever, DOUCHEBAG!!!"
Oh wow, how many nights did you stay up inventing THAT comebacker? And it is quite the interesting phenomena, people assuming that any job where you have to be unliked at times can't be fun.... I'd say it's the people who have to STAY LIKEABLE NO MATTER WHAT that have it worse than me... I at least have the luxury of fighting back, or just not caring. Let's be honest Bro, deep down inside, you WISH you were me, too bad I answered the want ad first.
Putting the "Fun" in "NO REFUND"
That was cute, Junior, really cute. You made a theft charge.
The "theft" being in the amount of $130, taken against your will, from your credit card account, filed with our local police department.
Or I'm guessing you did, or more precisely, your Mom did, when last month's credit card statement came in and you suddenly had to explain to her what that $130 charge from Friendly Neighborhood Towing was for.
I'm guessing you/she/it already called the bank on that one and they told you to go pound sand, so you did the only logical thing left, claimed we stole from you and got the police invovled.
Not that THAT was going to get your $130 back.
As we explained to the cops, the reason for the tow (illegal parking) is on the paperwork under "reason for tow", of which they have (or were given) a carbon copy and if something in that wasn't right, you don't wait A MONTH to contest it. Since you did, it boils down to a we-said-he-said affair, all the corporeal evidence is long since gone. The cops rightfully told us (and presumably you, later) that it's now a civil matter that they are washing their hands of just as soon as we deny any wrongdoing and they close out the file, which only warranted a phone call BTW, they didn't even send Ossafer Friendly down here in person to get our side, so what's THAT tell you?
Cute, Junior, real cute. You've got a real winning family there. Either you're so unscrupulous as to lie to your own Mother, or she's so ethically deficient that lying to the COPS is no big deal.
What do you do for an encore?
I think I know.
You're probably also the reason for those two angry letters we later got from the BBB. The one that said we had a complaint against us and we better respond to it, (well, "we look forward to discussing this" which is something that's NEVER true when uttered no matter who says it, be it the BBB or the Gestapo) which went right in the trash, followed by the one that questioned why we had not responded to the first. (Here's a hint, we don't care and you can't make us) If they want to send us a third, that's their prerogative, it's not my landfill they're topping off in the process. So not only do we have a scammer, we have a LYING and PERSISTANT scammer ta' boot.
As no less an authority than Edmund Blackadder once astutely observed, our current situation is "About as enjoyable as getting an arrow through the neck, and then finding out there was a very large gas bill attached to it"
And in case you're wondering, we just don't see the point in responding to any non-legal complaints filed through third-parties. If YOU have a complaint, we'll certainly talk to you or your attorney, everyone else, buzz off, not your circus, not your monkeys.
Because we do parking enforcement, we always have legions of "customers" eager to downvote us on whatever ranking system we'd subscribe to, it'd be a full time job weeding out the lies and exaggerations, so we just don't bother. Accordingly, we have an "F" rating on them all, but that doesn't seem to stop the "customers" from coming, or the actual customers who need their tires changed and whatnot, so we just live with it and consider the ratings part of Google maps nothing more than a big ol' electronic pacifier to let the babies suck on. It's great for a laugh to read from time to time, and they all to a man admit that we may be "Scammers" but we're a QUICK WORKING bunch of scammers who take cars quick!
So go on Junior, do your worst, we'll be here trying to care LESS than we already do, which isn't much. See how much I don't care? Ooops, lost it.
That Word Does not Mean What you Keep Thinking it Means
Okay, I'm going to consult no less an authority than Dictionary.com here.
The word used was "Scam" , which is defined thusly:
a confidence game or other fraudulent scheme, especially for making a quick profit; swindle.
Note that "Fraudulent" is part of the description. What, exactly did we do that was fraudulent? In other words, what was promised of you, that was not delivered? Unless I took a few too many horse-kicks to the cranium growing up, (I did take one good one, but that was it, and I'm sure it didn't result in dain brammage
) I think I can still clearly read what it says on the sign at the entrance to that lot: "Illegally parked cars will be towed at owners expense, Friendly Neighborhood Towing"
Your car was illegally parked
Your car was accordingly towed
Where's the deficiency? The default? The fraud?
We told you what would happen, and we did it.
Frankly, you can only call "scam" if you parked there and DIDN'T get towed! Let THAT cosmic logic bomb set in for a minute.
Of course, it's possible that you're upset over the fact that the sign doesn't explicitly warn of the storage rates on towed cars. Specifically that it's $38 per 24 hours for the first 10 days, and $50 a day for each day after that. Or the fact that at the 30 day mark, we mail the DMV and tell them we'd like to know who the last registered owner of said car is so we can send them a certified letter informing them that they settle up with us over the small matter of a very large bill. Otherwise, the only way they'll ever see their car again is in the appliance aisle of Home Depot, after it finishes trading in it's "Hyundai" badges for ones that say "Maytag". But that's just economy of scale, the sign we'd need to explain all of that would be impractically big, and you'd STILL drive by it. And, all that stuff is true, we WILL ship the car to the junkyard
Well, we actually let Goober from Goobers Auto Salvage come in for it with the world's most unsafe rollback truck, but that's a whole 'nother story. (Ever seen an International with flowering PLANTS growing off the deck? If the DOT ever spot-checks him, he might as well just hand over the keys
) But I digress... point is, still no scam. We'll do it, I've seen it done. I can see how you're reasonably upset at that $2,000 towing bill, but, being upset at a bill doesn't automatically make it a scam. Especially because you didn't know your car got towed. It would seem your son was the one who had it that night, a month-and-change ago, when he illegally parked it and got it towed, and he never came in for it. Wasn't until that aforementioned certified letter found you that you had your first warning something was wrong. That's not a scam, that's your son being a deadbeat.
You seemed pretty quick to absolve said progeny of yours of any wrongdoing. It apparently wasn't HIS fault he illegally parked (with a FAKE permit, for the win!) and you even doubted we towed him from said property, even though the fake pass with the NAME OF THE PROPERTY was still on the dash. Bleached white from all those days in the sun, but still readable.
Nope, you INSISTED we must have towed him from HIS apartment where he pays for a space. That WOULD be a scam, but, that would require an alternate version of events. As you can see on this paperwork, he was towed from the place he made the fake for, so says the driver who towed it and the property manager who called him in. You think two total strangers would lie about that? That'd be a CONSPIRACY but not a scam.
You demanded we "get him out of this" because "he's just a poor college kid" When the manager told you "There's no way out of this bill except giving us the title to the car" You claimed this was another "scam" Uh, no, it's an inconvenient truth, perhaps, but not a scam.
Again, we TOLD ya we'd shoot! But you didn't believe us! Why won't you believe us?!
And then, to cap off the fun, you played the race car, er race card (Typos are funnay!). Namely, that we only towed your son because he's racial persuasion "A" and we're all racial persuasion "B". Ahem, "SCAMMING *racial persuasion "B"* truck drivers!!"
That fact that he was illegally parked with fake permits? That didn't maybe have more to do with it? Hmmmmmm? Besides, the car is a bone-stock Hyundai Elantra, exactly HOW am I supposed to draw any meaningful inferences about his race from that? Besides, I guarantee you that for every one of those I tow in, I get three redneck pickups, so I'm hardly a racial profiler. If anything, I profile for profound stupidity. And stupidity knows NO race, NO sex and NO creed. Trust me.....
By the way, that's not a scam, either, that's just you getting really desperate to dodge a bill.
Denying you owe a bill that you clearly do? That IS a scam. Is that mind blown yet?
You Catch More Flies with Honey....
... than vinegar. But I'm reminded sometimes that even vinegar is better bait than barbed wire.
For example.
When you illegally parked at the senior home so you could go to the restaurant across the street, and the old guy on the front park bench told you not to because the lot is private.... you flip him the bird and say "F*CK YOU"?
Maybe you didn't think he was telling the truth?
Maybe you didn't consider him much of a threat, what with him being all geriatric and whatnot?
Maybe you thought he was too old and senile to do much to you?
Had the sudden urge to go all Alpha-Male? Was that it, Bro? After all, you have to justify all those hours spent in the gym and the tanning booth, so you're going to just put your foot down on the first person who dares question your actions and dare them to come at you? Cuz' Broseph Stalin, the Bro of Steel, fears NO MAN? That it?
Well, whatever it was, rethink it next time before you park, seeing as you now owe us $130.
The old guy may have been many things, but one thing he WASN'T was too old and frail to dial our phone number.....
Where They Put the "Ass" in "Asinine"
The most Ass-inine complaint I ever got came in the other day. Person wrote us an email demanding a refund because I wasn't wearing proper "Towing Attire" when I towed them.
Apparently, you can't tow someone for illegal parking if you're not dressed for the occasion.
Sounds like a unique brand of "Sovereign Citizen" on the loose, the kind that think court documents aren't legally valid if they're printed on the wrong shade of white, or that if you spell your name in lower-case letters, court documents where it's capitalized aren't valid....
Usually complaints like this get at least a humorous "please cite the law we violated" email in return, but sometimes it's best not to convince the loonies they have an audience, so this one just went into the e-recycle bin.
The irony being that we USED to have much more professional uniforms than we do now, and people would STILL argue they didn't meet imaginary dress code rules that don't exist, or, at least a couple times, we were accused of "impersonating authority" if we looked "too official". Can't win for trying when the goalposts are always in motion, huh?
Crazy paranoid people... can't live with em, can't get a good chuckle over a beer without em' If only they wouldn't occasionally take pot-shots at elected officials, I'd say the world's a better place for em.
I Like to Move it Move it...........
So, a lot monitor for Global Domination Reality found an illegal car at thier 434 Proletariat St property with no permit. They gave it a ticket and called us to tow it. Randy gets there, but said illegal vehicle is gone. No sooner does he return to base than the monitor calls again, 454 Proletariat has parking on two sides of the building, and he's found the car again on the 2nd side. Still no permit, but the ticket is in the cup holder inside, so it's not like the owner didn't see it. He hands out another ticket and resets the game clock.
Sidebar: How dense does one have to be that when they get TICKETED for illegal parking, they think the solution is to just move OVER a space or two? It says RIGHT ON THE TICKET that they are being tagged/towed for "no permit" not for "Not in right space" as if parking lots are bingo cards where everyone gets that one free space...
Too bad he wasn't parking at the Pentagon, we could've kept this up all day.
Anyway, Randy goes down again, and this time he gets it. When he pulls into the back lot with it, my heart skips a beat, oh no............ nooooooooooo it CAN'T be.
It was only called in as a "green car" but there's no doubt, it's Mister I-Should-Be-Ashamed's Kia.
Hi there pardner' haven't seen you for a bit! I squirreled myself away in a corner behind the counter when he came in, eager to hear another diatribe about how this will surely affect his cable bill or something... but he was surprisingly civil and content. $160 (130 for the tow, 2 $15 tickets) will do that to a fella, I guess.
How Low the Mighty Will Go
I love when Self-Important-Mighty-Businessmen-Assholes (hence SIMBA) get towed because they are most amusing when they demand to see their cars before they pay to get them out of impound.
See, SIMBA, being a self-styled ubermensch who is superior to us wage primates on account of the fact he owns a business is CERTAIN that we could no possibly have towed his precious car without damaging it, on account of us being, well, primates, unlike he who is only maybe two rungs down from God himself. There's no way a trained monkey can tow a car and NOT bounce it off stationary objects like a huge game of pinball! It's just not possible for pond scum like us to be competent at something we do day in and day out for a LIVING!
And it's always a hoot when they can't find any damage around the car, desperately want to look under the car, but can't bring themselves to actually put down a hand and TOUCH that filthy filthy ground that we unwashed masses tread upon, and instead perform the SIMBA LIMBO, trying to bend at the waist and knees enough to look under their cars from a vertical position. (and what are you hoping to find? I know you've never once looked under there, not even when it was new, you probably don't even know what 90% of those plastic and metal thingamajigs are, you probably think the McPherson Strut is some hot new dance craze and Pitman Arms are a Hotel.)
Naturally, the more expensive cars tend to, somehow, end up in the muddiest, sloshiest, standing-wateriest part of the lot.
Gee, don't know why that is. Our latest SIMBA was a doozy, not only could he find no damage, do the limbo, and yell at us for "ruining his day" for towing him out of a permit-only lot... but he then demanded to know how we got into the car to put it in "neutral". He didn't seem to get the whole "towing" thing, and how we don't do that because we don't have to, our industry has invented these great things called "dollies" that means we can take you no matter what gear you're in and even if you had no wheels at all.
He didn't like any of this, his opportunities to retaliate by claiming bogus damage are rapidly waning. So he does the only thing left, he claims we broke into the car and stole from him.
"My briefcase is missing from the car!" he says.
"Well, go back up front and file a complaint"
"I guess I'll have to call the police!"
"go ahead, we'll wait"
"Forget it! I don't have time for this today! I was supposed to be visiting my family right now, but you've messed it all up!"
Yep, that sure was a legitimate claim, from very important to insignificant, in 10 seconds, you backed out of that lie so fast, you probably got whiplash. Maybe you can sue yourself for that, I'll be a witness, I saw the whole thing your Honor, he was dumb enough to think it would stick!
Ah, the SIMBA, hours of fun for the whole family!
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