Words Customers Use

[Rubystars]

Words customers use that piss me off more than any others:
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Incompetent (When they don't get exactly what they want for some reason, they call you imcompetent)

This one really irritates the hell out of me. They act like they're so much better than me because they're on the other side of the counter. No matter how stupid or irritating or confusing their request was, we're the ones who are incompetent, for not having something in stock or telling them a store policy they don't like, etc. Even if someone does make a minor mistake, calling them incompetent is just rude! What kind of parents did they have that taught them to treat others that way?

Example:
Customer writes a check in unreadable chicken scratch and hands it to the cashier, who puts it through the machine for the amount.

Customer: Where's my twenty cash back?

Cashier: I'm sorry but I didn't hear you say you wanted twenty cash back.

Customer: Yes I did! Yes I did! It even says so on the check!

Cashier: *looks down at unreadable chicken scratch* The only way we can fix it is to return one of the items and run another check through so you can get 20 back on that one.

Customer: "You're just incompetent!"

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Ridiculous! (They hear something they don't want to hear, so they call it ridiculous.)

Example:
Customer: This pork is 1.50/lb at the other store.
Cashier: That's Tyson, a name brand product, and the meat in the ad is a no-name store brand, so we can't substitute Tyson for it.
Customer: "But you don't have a store brand!"
Cashier: It's not what's in the ad, and you brought up a much more expensive and high quality product than what's in the ad, I'm not allowed to substitute it.
Customer: That's ridiculous!

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I want to speak to your manager! (You told them something they didn't want to hear, or they got upset over some minor thing, so they want to talk to the manager.)

Example:
Customer: Why are you out of (insert favorite product here)?
Cashier: "There was a sale on them and other people bought them all. If you want to be able to buy them then you should try to get here early in the morning when there's some left, there may be some here tomorrow morning when we get another truck in."
Customer: "You're rude! I want to speak to your manager!"]
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Oh, and the one that irritates me more than any other is when they talk about me having a bad attitude. I'm an adult and they're adults, they don't need to F---ing treat me like a child.

[Sliceanddice]

...... Ok i woud say when my dad goes some places he always asks for a supervisior, but he only does so for, what he tells people behind the counter "Its just that i have a feeling it might be need eventually and i don't want to tie you up un needly" and it normally is because my dads a complencated man...

But your customers need to be taken to an SC camp to be retrained or... "relocated" permenletly

[PizzaBoy]

You know what?!!
I hate this question so bad, because it almost always followed by something rude. It's usually followed with a request to see the manager, telling me (rudely) that I'm wrong, or letting me know that they will never order here again.

40-50 Minutes?!! (Delivery time)
This pisses me off real bad because that is standard delivery time. No, there is no half-hour guarantee at Domino's Pizza and don't tell me that there is. We had that guarantee, but it was discontinued 20 years ago. Show some damn patience because that is the norm. If you don't like it, order for pick up or order somewhere else?

But I have a coupon!!
If you have a coupon, tell me about it before you order the food. Few things piss me off more than when a customer orders their food, fails to tell me that they have a coupon, and then act insulted when I tell them the price. I can't see coupon in your hand over the phone, so you need to tell me this ahead of time.

What are your specials?!!
I covered this in a topic a few weeks ago. It usually means that the customer has no clue what they want to order and I have to waste time telling them what our specials are and wait around so that you can discuss it with your friends.

Where's my pizza?!!
If it's been quite a long time, then I don't mind this, but so many people call when it hasn't been that long and act like we canceled their order without telling them.

[powerboy]

What are your specials?!!
I covered this in a topic a few weeks ago. It usually means that the customer has no clue what they want to order and I have to waste time telling them what our specials are and wait around so that you can discuss it with your friends.

When I ask what are the specials, it is because I am in someplace, I have not ever been too or haven't been there is a long time. Also if they do not have a sign saying what the specials are.

[PizzaBoy]

When I ask what are the specials, it is because I am in someplace, I have not ever been too or haven't been there is a long time. Also if they do not have a sign saying what the specials are.

That's fine. My biggest problem is when customers call, ask us to slowly explain all of our specials, and then keep us on the phone for 5 minutes while they make up their mind.

[Kara]

No, there is no half-hour guarantee at Domino's Pizza and don't tell me that there is. We had that guarantee, but it was discontinued 20 years ago.

Funny how customers can remember things the company hasn't offered in years, but are clueless about more recent policies. Has it really been 20 years? Dang, I feel old now. The guarantee must have died with the Noid.

Let's see here.....

"I want a good deal" = I want the most expensive phone you have for free.

"It's the principle" = Your logic has destroyed my argument completely. Even I know I sound like an ass right now.

"I'm moving to China" = My relative/friend works at an authorized dealer and I'm getting a phone from him/her to pay their commission. I honestly believe you won't suspect a thing and try to persuade me to do otherwise. Same for the other 50 people in the store with me that are also moving to China.

"Let me talk to your supervisor!" = I read in a magazine about evil service providers and it said if I can get to a supervisor, they're required to give me whatever I want. Supervisors are actually like genies and live to do my bidding.

"I didn't make those calls!" = Oh please oh please, do something! I forgot the call records are on my bill. My spouse is going to kill me!

"That phone wasn't broken!" = You mean a live person actually looks at the phone when I send it in? So, like, they can see it's busted into a million tiny pieces and charge me for it?

"I didn't get a bill!" = Honestly, even though I've had the service for years and I know when the bill comes in and that I do have to pay a bill every month, the fact that the mailman failed to deliver it to me should mean I don't have to pay it. No, I don't really think you're that stupid, but some unknown force compels me to try anyway.

[CancelMyService]

I get the "I didn't get a bill" crowd as well. Also the calls where the magical porn genie snuck in their house and loaded their bill with pay-per-view adult movies because "No one in my house watches that stuff!". Well maybe they don't watch it but they sure as hell ordered it.

[BookstoreEscapee]

"I ordered a book yesterday, no one called me, but is it in yet?"

-No.

"The guy said it would be in today."

-No, he didn't. We never guarantee a day. If he did say that, what's his name? I'm going to smack him.

"I don't want to give my phone number. I'll just call in a few days and see if it's here.

-Paranoid much? I can't take an order without a phone number. Trust me, we don't want to call you, either. No, we don't sell your number. No, we don't make marketing calls.

-Alternative thought: Sure, I'll just put in a fake number. Your book will come in approximately 3 days and then sit on the info desk for a month and a half and then we'll send it back to the publisher because we'll never hear from you again.

[uknz76]

I spoke to your Manager yesterday, he promised me!

- I am the manager, I can't remember speaking to you.

or at my girlfriends work.

I spoke to the guy here yesterday.

- We only have 4 girls working here, no guys.

[greensinestro]

These are probably repeats of others, but here it goes:

"I want to speak to your manager!" Because I've told them something they dont' want to hear, such as the fact that I cannot reduce their rates on phone service, but they think my manager has mystical powers that will do it for them.

"It's so complicated!" Only because the SC is making it this way. Usually it's from something simple, such as "You can find a number by calling 411 information." It's too complicated to for SC's to dial three little numbers with their measly fingers.

"I never got my statement!" This does happen, and it's happened to me as well. However, it gets way out of hand when it's the same person who apparently gets just the mail he likes to get, but someone who never gets the utility bills.

"Please transfer me, but I want to speak to live person and not wait!" Because I have control over the automated service, plus I can speed up the process of a person answering the phone.

"I didn't make those calls!" Really? Then how come when we view the called to number, that person has the same last name as you do, plus these other numbers all show they've been called from your home before, let alone lasted thirty minutes or more?

"I never ordered the internet and demand a credit!" Okaaaay! Then how come our notes show you ordering it, then having us help you set it up, then you calling back later the same day with problems? Also, we show extensive use of the service.

"Can't you see that I haven't used that service?" No, sir. We do not have the time nor the resources to view and monitor each and everyone's usage of a certain service. If you have not used it and did not want to be charged, you should have called us at that time to cancel it. We are not crediting your account due to your ignorance.

"I unplugged my phone four months ago, yet I keep getting charged" These people actually think if they unplug the phone, the bill will mysteriously stop arriving at their house. No phone call required to customer service.

"You all take no time at all shutting off my service when I don't pay, but take forever to restore it!" Well, we have had this discussion month after month, and sometimes week after week. Yes, you are correct in this deduction, however, we also have to make sure the check/money order you paid with is good, and it takes at least 24 hours to process it.

"Nobody told me it would cost @xx.xx." Yes, we did. It is noted on your account very heavily that this would be the cost, and it's even noted how much you protested it. We are not going to perform a free service just because you don't like the charge.

"That line should not be busy. I know they have call waiting and multiple phone lines there!" Why is it these people are the ones that always seem to know other people's business, yet they can't organize their own affairs and keep their shit together?

"Someone did that for me before" I don't really care. I'm obviously not that someone, and I am not going to bend the rules for you. I also like it when they can't identify who it was that did this for them.

"You're treating me like a problem customer" I get this quite often because the SC does not like the policy, or the SC has to make the extra effort to get something they want. This happens frequently when it's a customer that has to submit documentation, like name changes to accounts, access to an on-line service, etc. This type of behavior usually sends up a red flag in my book. If you have nothing to hide, you would comply without this argument.

"I pay the bills with my checks!" I hear this quite a bit when it's an account in a totally different name, yet the person calling feels they have the right to violate the account holder's privacy because they pay the bill. If it's legal tender, it's accepted, and we normally don't care whose name is on the check.

"Remember me?" No, I don't, and much of the time, I can't remember who I spoke to yesterday, let alone six months ago.

[greensinestro]

Where's my pizza?!!
If it's been quite a long time, then I don't mind this, but so many people call when it hasn't been that long and act like we canceled their order without telling them.

I have only called the pizza place if it's been longer than what was promised. If they tell me 30 or 45 minutes, I will give them an hour before I call about it. I'm starving for my pizza, but I'm not going to become an SC over it.

[Kara]

I'm starving for my pizza, but I'm not going to become an SC over it.

"Wise man say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for cold pizza."

An old reference, but a good one

[Crow The Robot]

"I'll have yout job./I 'll get you fired"
Usually a last-ditch effort to scare you intodoing what they want.
"I know your manager"
Said if something doesn't turn out the way the SC wants, an empty threat.

[greensinestro]

I just thought of some others:

"I pay your check every week" Funny, but I have never seen your signature at the bottom of my paychecks. Also, you may want to rephrase that being I am paid every two weeks!

"I demand to get that for free, or you're going to lose a good customer!" Um, no, you are not a good customer being you never pay for your stuff. In fact, you are not a customer at all being we are not profiting by giving in to you.

"Oh, I forgot my bread. I'll be just a minute" Sorry, if you are not done shopping, or you forgot your bread, I am not waiting on you. Buy it some other time.

"These chips are stale. I'm not buying them." Yes, you are. You ate over half the bag and obviously they were not stale then.

"You keep charging me!" Yes, I make up the prices on everything, and I am the one who is charging you. Hell, I even run a small business on the side that does this horrible thing to you.

[Imogene]

"Wise man say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for cold pizza."

Well, thank you, Michelangelo. I was wondering why we were hanging out under this storm drain.

On topic:
"You've got an attitude problem": You just denied me a rush for my file that's closing next month. I need to find some way to get you to put a rush on that file, I need my f*cking commission for it getting approved!