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  • #61
    I don't know anyone in NYC and while I know where a few things are downtown, I don't know my way around the bus routes or the subways. Sadly, I find life is much unlike old movies and cartoons where an Artist With A Dream can pack up with five bucks to their name and the clothes on their back, take a bus to a huge city with nowhere to live and try to gain fame and have it all work out. I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't. I really don't feel like just not thinking and diving head-first into the city and being homeless when no one will rent to me because I have no money and no one will give me a job because I have no phone/place to live/place to bathe/whatever other idiotic reasons employers would have to refuse you a job.

    And like I said, rent in cities is massive. The jobs might pay a little more than here in Bumfuck, but there's no way I could afford to live in a city anyway. I mean if one-bedrooms are $1000 or more a month in my little podunk town, they must be at least double that in some cities. If I was making that much money, I'd have moved out by now.

    I'm also nowhere that's within a friendly-favor ride distance - everything is at least 4-6 hours away. Like I said, I would rather actually think more than two seconds into the future, try to save money, hope my loan lender doesn't rob my bank account, finish school (hey, might as well be $100K in debt - at least I'll have six figures of something), and try to make plans. As far as I'm concerned, my situation sucks, but it could be worse. There's no immediate threat here because just about anything bad that could happen to me mentally already has - I'm burned out, probably depressed, anxious, socially retarded, dependent, probably have some other mental illness nurtured into me. If things escalate to physical abuse,then I will consider leaving now without looking back.

    And my mother doesn't yet know I won't be doing art for a living. I figure it's for the best that she not know because she might force me to get a degree in another major and then I'll have to do the whole undergrad and graduate school song and dance all over again - possibly more if there are degrees beyond a bachelor's and master's in whatever major would be chosen. Soooo what she does not know won't hurt me.

    Basically, moving out is just not a realistic possibility for me at this time. That's not to say it won't ever be, but just not right this second.

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    • #62
      You can either make excuses or find reasons.

      I'll just add that my 2 bedroom apartment in a nice area of Houston with granite counter tops, wood floors and a washer and dryer costs $950 a month. That's not my share, that's the entire rent.

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      • #63
        Lincoln, NE. Thriving economy, thriving art community.

        Wooded complex, great area, walking distance to groceries, excellent bus service to the whole city, two bedrooms, fireplace, washer/dryer, balcony. $650/month.

        Friends of mine with less fabulous housing pay as little as $350.

        And if you really want to continue college, Lincoln has three I can think of off the top of my head.

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        • #64
          Imogene got to NY, is reasonably happy and has a job. It can be done even though she panicked a bit on the way.
          Try finding a place where you can stay. Perhaps Morgana or Trailerparkmedic can suggest something.

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          • #65
            I agree with the others that you need to quit making excuses, and just get out of your mom's house. She's toxic, and she's infecting you with her sickness, whatever that might be.

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            • #66
              I think I read Imogene's story, but her benefit is that she had people she knew in New York who she could live with. And while I'm glad her situation is beginning to look up, I personally haven't that much luck and I don't have magic friends all over the country who I can fall on. Just about everyone I know locally either has no room for another person or they live with equally abusive or unstable parents.

              I didn't really expect those who are unfamiliar with such situations to understand, but I thank folks for trying and for offering advice. There's a difference between legitimate reasons (which those who haven't dealt with toxic/crazy parents may not comprehend what the kid of a narcissist considers legitimate) and simply making up excuses for not doing something. And I wish my reasons were just excuses so I could say I'm avoiding taking action, but the fact of the matter is I have a lot of unconquerable obstacles in my path and there is nothing I can do right this second. Therefore, reasons I don't need to look for because I see them every single day.

              Anyway, I think this topic has run it's course, so this might be the last thing I say in this discussion. I thank everyone who took time to reply, offer suggestions, and the few who I'm sad to hear have been in similar situations who simply shared experience.

              As a slight upside, though, my one whole client has me working on yet another book...gonna be fun cramming this into three weeks. Maybe I should bitch about being a worthless artist more often - it seems when I'm in the most intense throes of bitching, I have someone ask me out of the blue for work.

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              • #67
                Quoth ShadowBall View Post
                I don't have magic friends all over the country who I can fall on.
                You underestimate the people of this board.

                I'm certain that if you asked, someone in an artist-friendly community will supply either couch-space or knowledge of a suitable place to stay.

                Someone may be heading from where you are to where they are, or close enough to make a detour.

                I know we have at least one New Orleans resident on the board, and from what I've heard, simply being some sort of entertainer - painting or cartooning counts - means you can make a decent living busking there. Oh, maybe not a fantastic one, but enough to get you a new start.
                Last edited by Seshat; 09-22-2011, 08:20 AM.
                Seshat's self-help guide:
                1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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                • #68
                  Quoth Seshat View Post
                  You underestimate the people of this board.
                  You're getting lots of great advice here. Truthfully in your situation I'd have either left or shot myself by now. I don't know how you are holding it together but my instincts say you aren't going to be able to do it much longer. If I had the means I'd help you in some way or another but I really don't right now. Just please try to get out of there. I think once you get out of her clutches, your creativity will flow more naturally and your stress level will drop.

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                  • #69
                    Quoth Seshat View Post
                    I know we have at least one New Orleans resident on the board, and from what I've heard, simply being some sort of entertainer - painting or cartooning counts - means you can make a decent living busking there. Oh, maybe not a fantastic one, but enough to get you a new start.
                    Aye, a couple of us here ^_^

                    And, yes, Seshat is right on all counts. I will be perfectly honest with you: Realistically, busking in NOLA is about as lucrative as anywhere else -- it'll put ramen on the table and that's about it (food "stamps" are pretty easy to get tho). It's just that it's easier to do here, more accepted, at least in the French Quarter/Jackson Square area, to the point that it's considered abnormal to NOT see people with instruments or tarot tables or paintings hanging out and doing their thing near the mule-drawn carriages. Not sure if permits of some kind are technically required, but it would not surprise me if so.

                    On the upside: It's pretty ^_^ and good, cheap food is never more than a stone's throw away (even at a non-buffet/non-fastfood joint, you can stuff yourself silly for less than ten bucks any day of the week and never eat the same thing twice in a month's time). While public transport here leaves a LOT to be desired (good luck getting a bus after ten PM or on Sundays), buses/streetcars are around $2.50 a ride (plus transfers), and no tolls whatsoever unless you are crossing the lake or the river ($3 and $1, respectively).

                    The major downside is that the "regular" job market here sucks, even WITH the influx of movie and video gaming companies over the past few years (getting work as a generic extra isn't too hard, but it's too inconsistent to depend upon for rent). Believe me, I know >_< Been trying for three months now, myself.

                    Living in the burbs outside of the city proper can drastically drop the rents if you have access to public transportation. 'Burb rent can go as low as $350/mo for a 700 sq ft studio (read: basically one big room with a couple of closets, a bathroom, and a kitchenette, nothing else) in the larger complexes, tho 650~1000 is more the norm for something resembling an apartment with an actual "bedroom". If you have the car, insurance is fairly extortionate, however (among the highest in the nation), especially in the city proper and outlying burbs that share the ZIP prefix (ZIP 701__).

                    Just something to file away in case your travels bring you down heah. I always have a spare couch for visitors, too (and yes that goes for anyone here, of course )
                    Last edited by EricKei; 09-23-2011, 02:15 AM.
                    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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                    • #70
                      Buffalo is totally where it's at. I live in the bottom half of a 2 family house and it's 3 bedrooms, decent kitchen and bathroom, dining room, living room, and a "sun porch/smoking room.

                      We have 4 people living in it and it's 60 bucks a week on average to live here(rent/utilities/internet). Also, we've been on the bottom of the recession since before it really got started, but if you're motivated, it's not hard getting a job. I moved in with my boyfriend without having a job, and in a week I got one. Granted it was fast food, but you know what? In this kind of situation, you can suck up your pride and do it.

                      And the public transit isn't completely horrible. You just gotta plan for it, and google maps makes it really freaking easy to do just that.

                      Plus, schooling is ridiculously cheap and school aid is easy to get. But it's easier to live in the area for about a year first to make sure that you qualify for the "local" student price rather than the out of state/out of county prices.

                      Depression sucks, so saying "Just do it" isn't gonna help, but until you help yourself, no one is gonna be able to help you. Make the effort, and forget your mom. She's nothing but toxic and is only making you worse. Worse mentally, physically, emotionally, and just worse overall as a person. Get away from her and you'll see how much better life really is

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