A Love Letter To Piglet ( Epic Length )

[BookstoreEscapee]

I’m not precisely sure how you expected it to arrive. I mean, I know a few years back we shipped everything by loading it into a Styrofoam beer cooler from Walmart, duct taping it closed, leashing it to a husky and just shoving him out a door that faced north. But those days are long gone my friend. These days we’ve upgraded our shipping to your service area to “Shoved out of a plane at low altitude”. Though in honour of our company’s history we still leash it to a husky. But we’re trying to phase that out as it’s not really economically viable. Why do you think shipping costs so much to Nunavut? Huskies aren’t like cats you know, they don’t really land on their feet that often. Especially when they’re coming in at terminal velocity towards the broadside of a mobile home.

No animals were injured in the making of this post...

Yeah, and in those tight quarters, one would wonder how there got to be 7 kids in the first place, right?

Maybe there were some twins and triplets involved... like that girl in Argentina who had 7 kids by age 17 (2 sets of triplets +1)

hey, while you're at it, can you call me too so I can have a call from someone who isn't an idiot when it comes to the hotel industry...
and yes, I too wish I could speak to the great Gravekeeper.

I have to book a hotel room soon...perhaps we'll chat...
(And I always make sure to have credit card, paper, and writing implement handy before I call.)

(even as I'm sorry that your misery is a constant source of entertainment)

Hey, he brings it on himself with his awesome writing style...(the entertainment factor, not the misery )

Well, considering that Bruce Lee is dead and buried, I have no doubt of that.

That made me scare my cat (which is not saying much, since she is afraid of everything...)

[blas]

That's exactly what I meant, Ree!

Although if I were GK, my sanity would be so low by this point that I probably would be wearing pink cammo and mistaking small animals for ice cream cones.

[Andara Bledin]

Although if I were GK, my sanity would be so low by this point that I probably would be wearing pink cammo and mistaking small animals for ice cream cones.

Yeah, when your sanity gets below a certain threshold, it takes an awful lot to require that you make a san check.

^-.-^

[Imogene]

That's exactly what I meant, Ree!

Although if I were GK, my sanity would be so low by this point that I probably would

Have had the screen flicker off? Ghosts through walls? Attacking plants? Sanity's Requiem calls to you!

[Rapscallion]

He sees a lot of people on his way to work who are "picking up a gerbil, flipping it over and slowly licking it from sack to snout"? (That's what we were talking about. )

"I started on gerbils, but it soon wasn't enough. They were a gateway rodent, and soon I went to rabbits, weasels, and stoats. Then, when they weren't enough, I moved onto ... badgers and raccoons. By the time I was thirty, I'd met and married an obliging bear..."

From an interesting court case I just made up.

Rapscallion

[Ree]

Sometimes, you scare me, Raps.

[Ljt09863]

Still...7 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment.....

....

wanna bet all the kids are in one room and she gets the other?

SC: “I DUN TAKE DA DISK OUT!"

Hey! Mater learned how to use the phone!

[blas]

Perhaps GK should move in around here. There are some Hmong families of 6 or 7 people living in 2 bedroom apartments.......kind of like how you hear about Mexican families living the same way in say, California.

[AdminAssistant]

I have to book a hotel room soon...perhaps we'll chat...
(And I always make sure to have credit card, paper, and writing implement handy before I call.)

Don't forget! You can always just use your spouse or child instead of a pen!

[BookstoreEscapee]

Don't forget! You can always just use your spouse or child instead of a pen!

I don't have either of those...do you think I can use my roommate instead?

[Becks]

A guy's gotta have a hobby, I guess.

Very true. But sometimes the things a person learns about others on here...

"I started on gerbils, but it soon wasn't enough. They were a gateway rodent, and soon I went to rabbits, weasels, and stoats. Then, when they weren't enough, I moved onto ... badgers and raccoons. By the time I was thirty, I'd met and married an obliging bear..."

You know, my family, friends and coworkers try to convince me that I'm a sick, twisted person...

I have NOTHING on you, Raps.

[Andara Bledin]

Perhaps GK should move in around here. There are some Hmong families of 6 or 7 people living in 2 bedroom apartments.......kind of like how you hear about Mexican families living the same way in say, California.

Oh, 7 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment is nothing around here. Amateur hour. We get families with 7 kids in flats.

And, Raps.... "gateway rodent"... bwahahahaha!

^-.-^

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

GK, I have 2 possible explanations for the frequent cap callers, well there's more but you provided one & one is 'they're idiots.' The other 2 possibilities are actually 2 branches of the same explanation: they lose the things. Either while drunk or in the snow/dark while out hunting.

For the rest of it? I got nothing.

[Gravekeeper]

Damn, I didn't expect this many replies so fast. ^^

Oh, and no, I have never licked a "gateway rodent" from sack to snout and I guarantee you if I ever saw someone doing it on the way to work you guys would be the first to know. ;p

I want that on a T-shirt now. "Gerbils are a gateway rodent."

[Amethyst Hunter]

Holy maple shitsticks, woman.

Am totally stealing this.

( How are your children my responsibility? )

This too.

Your priorities intrigue me. So you’re saying that having your kids go hungry for half an hour waiting for Domino's outweighs burning down your entire apartment building and potentially killing or maiming your children and/or neighbours?

In a word: yes.

And Domino's SUCKS. Wouldn't touch that shit with a hundred-foot pole. (I also have other beefs with Dom's, but that'll have to wait for Fratching)

Because you know he’s going to wake up this morning in bed, naked and hung over with an arm around a badly crumpled heap of slightly damp cardboard. That’s when the regret….and the, er, chafing….will start to sink in.

But did he practice safe box-sex?

Because for all we know the key to summoning him from beyond and visiting his darkness upon the defenseless lives of our fragile world is saying his name 3 times out loud.

Oops. Damn sandworms.

“Hey, get the cherry Nyquil!”
“Yeah, that’s the GOOD STUFF!”

No, no. Regular Nyquil is the best. Cherry-flavored *anything* SUCKS and is tangible proof positive of the existence of evil in our world.

Me: “Alright, you should receive the lottery tickets in about 2-3 weeks.”
SC: “Along with the money?”
Me: “….pardon?”
SC: “I’m just being silly!”

You seem to have “silly” mixed up with “asshat that thinks he’s funny”. It’s a common mistake.

Lottery tickets: nature's way of denoting the asshats from the rest of the herd!

Perhaps someday I too can attain that level of malice, but not just yet.

Don't give up hope, Gravekeeper! You're still young, you'll have plenty of time to further your career in Evil...

I still have a few shreds of empathy left. It’ll take a few more years in this industry to get rid of the pesky things. Until then, I can only look on in awe and envy.

I find that a quick blast with a shotgun does wonders for eliminating such household pests. Failing that, you can always use snap traps if you're not squeamish about picking out the corpses afterwards.

Great, now I have a nosebleed.

Get revenge. Take down their address, go there and bleed all over them. That'll learn 'em.