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A canonical list of SCs
Old 07-22-2006, 04:50 AM
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Mark Healey Mark Healey is offline
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Default A canonical list of SCs

I just thought it might make some posts shorter if there was a list of archetypal SC's.

Here's a few that come to mind right now.

The Haggler. - This guy tries to get a discount on everything. I've had people try to haggle on a U.$5.00 paperback. Some of these people just ask reflexively before even looking at the price. For some reason they all seem to be from New York or third world countries.

The Parking Scammer. - They want validation just for walking into the store. When told that there has there has to be some kind of transaction they come out with the "I'm a regular customer", and of course it's the first time you've seen them.

The Corporate Devil Woman. - She makes a lot of money doing something completely non productive consequently she thinks she is entitled to all your attention and abject subservience.

The Brood Mare. - Thinks that the fact that she has spawned means she doesn't have to consider anyone other than her kids.

The Lost Boy/Girl - Expects you to find everything for them. Phrases like "They are sorted by authors last name." mean nothing to them.

[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.

Mr. Validate My Purchase. - Wants you to tell them how smart they are for buying what they just bought. Of course you can't tell them that Fung Shui is crap and Oswald acted alone.

I'm sure the rest of you will have additions to this list.
Proud to be a Walmart virgin.
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Old 07-22-2006, 04:52 AM
darko31 darko31 is offline
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The Stroker -picks your brain for hours on end about some expensive product just to go buy off ebay or newegg.
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Old 07-22-2006, 05:13 AM
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RecoveringKinkoid RecoveringKinkoid is offline
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The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."
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Old 07-22-2006, 05:20 AM
Worker-Intellectual Worker-Intellectual is offline
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The nonexistance denier: Asks if you have any more of a certain product. When the inventory says zero, asks if you can check the back. When there are none in the back, denies that they dont exist in this store and wither asks to speak to a manager or asks the cashier, who then calls you saying she has a customer looking for that product.
free from the evil clutches of crappy tire
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Old 07-22-2006, 06:31 AM
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chainedbarista chainedbarista is offline
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[no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.
how about 'mr. freaky lonelyheart?'

'mr./ms. i'llhavemyregular' this person is always in a hurry, regardless of the day or time they come in.

spawn swarm: a group of young, unattended and generally ill-mannered children who make a great deal of noise, mess and headaches after purchasing ONE small drink.

mr./ms. tantrum: throws a big baby style hissy fit if you're out of their drink; double the fit if that drink was seasonal. also applies to those who absolutely positively MUST have pastry x; if you are out of pastry x, be prepared for a whinefest that lasts their entire stay.

mr./ms. doyouhaveakeytothebathroom?: always asks if we have a key; the answer is always no-we never have and never will have a key. if the door handle doesn't open the door, get this, it means someone's in there. what a concept.

the freebie whore: the title says it all.
look! it's ghengis khan!
Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)
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Old 07-22-2006, 06:44 AM
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April April is offline
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The second opinioner(my made up word)-The person who doesn't like your answer and walks around the store asking every other employee who either says the same thing, or referrs them to you

The wander and dropper-The person who wanders around a store, picks up something and carries it for awhile, decides they don't want it and leaves it wherever. Bonus points if it's perishable

The TMI-The person who insists on telling you exactly why they are buying preparation H and how they got the problem to begin with.

The WAAAAY TMI-er-The person who tells you why they are buying 16 bottles of KY jelly and 3 packages of rubber gloves and then describes in detail how they are going to use them

The desperate for a date-The greasy guy who comes into stores and attempts to use them as thier personal dating service, using the cashiers as thier captive audience. So desperate that they will hit on pregnant women, teenage girls etc
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Old 07-22-2006, 12:13 PM
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Jester Jester is offline
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Quoth chainedbarista
mr./ms. doyouhaveakeytothebathroom?: always asks if we have a key; the answer is always no-we never have and never will have a key. if the door handle doesn't open the door, get this, it means someone's in there. what a concept.
Actually, I DO have the key to the bathroom. One of the WONDERFUL benefits of working in a HOTEL bar. And yes....I get to use my own discretion as to who to give it to and who not to give it to.

On this topic, I can't let it go without adding Mr. Not Ready for Prime Time: A guy is constantly making jokes and smartass comments and thinks he is hilarious...but very much isn't. (Much different from the guy who is constantly making jokes and smartass comments and actually IS damn hilarious.)

Also, I must add a non-SC archetype. The type I dearly LOVE to wait on every single time, and I am saying this sincerely, with no sarcasm. The Little Old Ladies Who Are There to Drink Beer and Have Fun. These are NOT your typical seniors, and they are always just wonderful joys to wait on and to be around. Absolute sweethearts, know how to tip, and don't have a mean bone in their body.

"The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
Still A Customer."

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Old 07-23-2006, 02:16 AM
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HawaiianShirts HawaiianShirts is offline
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Quoth RecoveringKinkoid
The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."
The company I work for calls these the Maniacal Price Shoppers. That's a term from corporate. They've even tried to give us guidelines as to how to best help these people.

Here are mine:

The Idiot Savant - They know nothing about the product they want until you show it to them or explain that it doesn't exist. Then they're suddenly EXPERTS on the subject and CERTAIN that what you've shown them isn't what they want, or what you said doesn't exist really does and you don't know what you're talking about.

The Telepaths - These give you a crumb of information about what they want and expect you to figure out the rest. Example: "I want to upgrade my computer... (expectant silence for five minutes)."

The Fashionably Late - On a good day, these show up about five minutes before closing and expect full service. Usually, however, they show up five minutes AFTER closing at the earliest and still expect full service.

The Desperately Early - They show up half an hour before the store opens and do one of two things. One: they demand you open early and sell them what they want; or, Two: they demand you open early and (assuming management decides to open early) wander aimlessly around the store without making a purchase.

The Deliberately Deaf - They ask questions. Intelligent and usually friendly questions. But when you start to answer, they cut you off with other questions, only to ask the same questions later and complain that they don't understand what's going on.

Phone Shopper, Type A - They call the store, typically at the busiest time of day, and ask twenty minutes worth of questions, expecting the same service they would get if they were really in the store. These often mutate into the Paris Hilton strain of Sucky Customer.

Phone Shopper, Type B - This is the escalated form of The Blatherer. This person does not trust salespeople or is too shy to talk to them. He or she comes in to a store to purchase a product he or she knows little or nothing about, then calls a friend on the cell phone. They will spend hours on the phone with said friend, wandering through the store trying to figure out which product to get. This is especially bothersome when the salesperson can overhear the conversation and knows within minutes EXACTLY which product to recommend.
I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
- Bill Watterson

My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
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Old 07-23-2006, 02:59 AM
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Discourtesy Clerk Discourtesy Clerk is offline
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Location: Ninth Circle of Hell, California, USA
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Just a couple I've seen a lot of recently...

The Ice Block - the customer that apparently finds it totally acceptable to ignore everything the store employees say to them by acting like the employee isn't even there. Will only speak if they need us to do something for them, and will give very dirty looks if we can't meet their exact wishes (despite their request having been incredibly vague).

The Can't-Wait-Five-Seconds - Begins drumming fingers on the counter impatiently as soon as they get in line. However quickly the checker is moving, or however few items this customer has to ring up, they still act like a five-year-old waiting at the doctor's office. If there is any delay in their checkout at all, they will start muttering things under their breath such as "C'mon, c'mon, let's go," "Hurry it up," or my personal favourite, "I don't have all day." When the transaction's done, they usually signal their departure with a loud and obtrusive sigh, or even "Finally!" and storm off in a rush.

The Shield of Feigned Sweetness - the customer that sends employees off to do menial, ridiculous tasks for them (pick out a bag of fruit for them, run across the store to find a specific kind of cake that they totally could have picked up for themselves, throw away their used kleenex for them, etc.) while hedging their outlandish requests with syrupy-sweet "I hope it's not too much trouble"s, and "Oh, thank you soooooo much, I really appreciate that, now if you could just go and get ___ for me..."

The Obsessive-Compulsive - "Now, I'm gonna need the frozen foods double-bagged in paper with a plastic bag around the outside, and the breads need to be sorted by flavour into plastic bags with two loaves each, and when you load the stuff into the cart, make sure that the produce is on the right and the meat is on the left, and...hey! You can't put those there!!! The eggs go on TOP!!! "

Yep, my store's a freak magnet.

- D.C.
Discourtesy Clerk, purveyor of fine hay bales, pine scented douche and stuff that's not in bins since July 2006.
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Old 07-23-2006, 05:52 AM
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ArenaBoy ArenaBoy is offline
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Posts: 1,709

The badge flasher - Cop who shows you his badge when he's off duty and thinks they don't have to pay when they can try and threaten to arrest you.

The I know the owner - Claims to know the owner but really doesn't.

I left it at home - Idiot who leaves money etc at their house.

The I know who your boss is - SC who claims to know your boss in order to get you in trouble for insipid things.
The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.
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