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Fruit Punch Shower, by Fyrehardt
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Old 11-13-2006, 10:37 PM
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Default Fruit Punch Shower, by Fyrehardt

Well, the time has come, my merry friends, for me to once again share the story of The Fruit Punch Shower. This time I promise to save a copy elsewhere, just in case........

Once upon a Sunday, oh so very long ago, everyone's favorite taco flinger was five months pregnant with a little boy. Already feeling cranky and hormonal, the realisation that it was the Sunday before High School Spring Break only served to push her closer to the edge...

Now of course every weekend at this point, we had our lovely group of 15-20 highschool kids that enjoyed coming out to the Bell, trying to scam free food, see exactly how far they could shoot mild sauce by stomping on the packets, leaving their trash all over the inside of the store, and leaving their beer cans all over the parking lot. The poor pregnant manager was used to coping with this motley bunch, usually. However, because it was a Sunday, she was scheduled to close alone with only one other person, a pothead named Matt.

Now normally, Sundays at the Bell were slower than dirt, in which case this would have been PERFECTLY fine. After all, the marijuana-induced slowness of her co-worker would not have mattered a bit when there was only bout 9-10 orders every hour.

However, this was no Ordinary Sunday. As stated previously, this was the Sunday before Spring Break, and all of her little high school friends were out in force.

They started mobbing and trashing the place around 10 PM that night, and each time she would finally get rid of a wave and get the lobby back into some semblance of order, they would return, sometimes different kids, sometimes the same ones. The girls of course wearing shirts that on anyone else would have been called a bra, and shorts that gave new meaning to the word "short". The guys were all decked out in their finery, too, from sports jerseys to their coveted "Reitz Rowdies" t-shirts.

Finally, 1 AM rolls around. The frazzled manager, and her ganja loving associate are trying yet again to restore some order to the store, when here they come AGAIN.

Now, the poor manager is not only 5 months pregnant, but also has not had a chance to pee or smoke a cigarette in the last 4 hours, so her temper has understandibly worn thin. One by one they came up to the counter to order their taco and water (after the management started kicking out the ones that didn't order any food, they decided that ordering one taco was a cheap way to gain admission).

The poor woman was used to this scam, and told each one of them, in no uncertain terms, that those water cups had BETTER contain water, and not soda, as the first one she caught with soda in their water cup was going to wear it!

This of course was greeted with gales of laughter and cries of "You gotta catch me first!!!" Shaking her head, the manager headed back towards the office to attempt to catch up some of her woefully behind paperwork.


After a while of digging herself out of the mess, she decided to go see exactly how badly the children had destroyed her lobby. As she walked out there, she saw 2 alarmingly bright yellow samples of "Evansville Water" sitting on a table. Of course the offending party refused to come forward, so she just shrugged and threw them away. Further inspection of the lobby revealed soda and papers spilled all over the condiment bar, so she wandered that way to start cleaning up the mess yet again. As she approached the bar, she noticed one of her FAVORITE little preppy-ass mouthy little brats is standing at the drink fountain, blithely filling his nice, clear water cup with bright red fruit punch....

Well, that's it, that does it, that's the final straw...This poor, five month pregnant, overworked toxic hell manager has had enough, and in one swift motion, grabs the cup and dumps it square over the boy's head.

Ten seconds later, as sanity reasserted itself, she ran into the back, aghast and called the assistant manager, laughing her head off, completely unable to believe what she had done....

The Pregnant Manager (PM)--Oh my god I'm gonna get fired I am so gonna get fired you won't believe what I did I am gonna get fired...
The Assistant Manager (AM)--Calm down honey, it can't be that bad...
PM--I just dumped a glass of fruit punch on some kid's head....
AM--*cue the sounds of the AM breaking rule #1* You WHAT??!?!?!?

So they convince each other that it won't be too bad...the AM promises to cover the PM's back, and they both figure the worst that will happen is a nice long talking to and a 3 day suspension.....

Until the next morning at 8 AM when the store manager called the PM at home to find out what the bloody blue blazes had happened. Choosing cowardice, the poor manager decided to wait until she took her husband to work at 4 PM before finding out exactly what the SM had to say.....

Upon arriving at the store, the PM learns that not only did fruit punch boy's mommy call the store to bitch, but fruit punch boy's FRIEND'S Mommy called as well. It seemed that the pretty white Astro's jersey fruit punch boy was wearing that night was actually on loan from a friend. Supposedly this jersey belonged to said friend's father, who was a pitching coach for the Astros. This jersey was supposedly the father's actual game jersey and was worth $500...and supposedly she had ruined it...

So she gets written up, she gets "suspended indefinitely" (aka until the SM can kiss the district manager's ass enough to rehire me) and of course she had the pleasure of enjoying a nice, peaceful two week vacation....

Until April 1st, when her mother in law, who also worked there, called at 9 AM to give her the heads-up that the AM had quit that morning. She turned to her husband and said "Just wait, they'll call me by the end of the day..."

Sure enough, by 5 PM that evening she was scheduled a whenever she got there to close, and was back on the schedule with her full 40 hrs. Gee shock surprise. But of course the only condition of her re-hiring from the district manager was that the SM was not to let her run any shifts. She had to turn in her keys and card, and was demoted back to crew....

At least until Pothead Matt (who had in the meantime been promoted to manager because the SM was desperate) no call no showed for a couple of weeks...So within a month of the incident, guess who was running shifts again...could it be the same taco flinger who has since had the baby and is currently in line to be the new assistant manager? Gee, ya think??
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