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Broken record time! (Very long-winded)
Old 07-17-2008, 10:58 AM
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KhirasHY KhirasHY is offline
Fire the Ineptitude Cannon!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 898
Default Broken record time! (Very long-winded)

I was reading Jay 2k's movie theater post, and part of it reminded me about one particular gem of a crap guest I had. Here's some background first:

In any decent hotel chain, there are basic things you should not do. You don't break our stuff, you don't pass out in the public areas, and for the love of jeebus, you don't have all-nighter parties. It doesn't matter how much YOU spent for your room, the people around you spent just as much to sleep and they don't appreciate you keeping them awake all night. Also, in Denver, making excessive noise after 10pm is considered a legal noise violation, which can get you fined by the police...and sooner or later, I will kick you out of my hotel just to give your neighbors some peace and quiet. In short: treat other people the way you'd like to be treated!

So, with all that said, there are three things I hate...21st birthdays, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and "weekend warriors". The last category are the 21-25 year olds that go on Expedia to get a room that's normally $250 for $100, then split the bill 10 ways to have a party in a 4-star hotel. I have more run-ins with SCs in those three parties than I do anywhere else, and it gets me very jaded. This particular story is about a bachelorette party though.

Me: Bordering on the psychotic.
SO: One of my security employees.
SC: Thy Mental Wastelandedness.
AD: Denver Police officer who just rocks in general...funny girl

First visit, circa 1:30 AM

Me: (Knocks on the door...SO is beside me) Hotel security.
SC: (Answers...swaying side to side. Looks to be a troll...jesus, someone's marrying this thing???) Yes?
Me: Good morning ma'am, sorry to disturb you, but we are receiving some complaints about the level of noise in the room, it's getting pretty late so we do need to ask that we keep the talking and music at a minimum.
SC: Ok! (There's something in her voice that makes me doubt she's understood, but...) We'll keep it down for you.
Me: Alright, thanks a lot...to let you know though, if we do get any further complaints, we'll have to ask all non-registered guests to leave the room. Have a good night. (SC closes door, so I must immediately mention to SO...) $10 says we'll be back.
SO: You're on.

Ok, so they've gotten warning #1, which I make the "nice guy" warning...but I know we're coming back. Sure enough, 10 minutes later, we get another complaint...and it turns out to be one of the longest of my life.

Second visit, time is now 1:50 AM.

(SO and I get onto the floor...the noise is even worse now than before! WTF?)

Me: (Knocks...loudly) Hotel security!
(Knocks louder) Security!
SC: (Even more bleary eyed) Oh hi guys!
Me: Hi...we're still getting noise complaints from this room, this is the second time we've had to come up for this.
SC: No, we haven't had anyone come up.
Me: Ma'am, you and I just spoke a moment ago. In any case, as this is the second complaint, we need to ask all non-registered guests to leave the room, and leave the hotel if they're not staying here.
SC: Well, I'll make sure they're all registered then.
Me: How many people are there?
SC: 15 or 16.

OK! Let's pause for a second for another fun fact: Colorado Fire Code prevents more than 4 people to be registered to a hotel room, and sleeping within for the night...at least for our rooms.

Me: I'm sorry ma'am, but that will not be possible, we cannot register more than four people to a room due to fire codes.
SC: Well I want to register all of them.
Me: Unfortunately that cannot happen. If you would like to choose someone that you would like to stay, I can allow that, provided there is no more noise, however everyone else has to leave.
SC: (Stares at me for about 20 seconds, and I can hear cows mooing in her head. This is not computing) Ok...but I can just register everyone who's in there.
Me: (Khiras is getting frustrated) No, ma'am, we cannot do that. You can choose a couple people who can stay, the rest have to leave immediately.
SC: I'm not letting you kick them out.
Me: You can make that decision ma'am, however they have been asked to leave this property. If you, or they, refuse to do so, I will have no choice other than to involve the police.
SC: But I can just register them in the room! (Are you shitting me?)
Me: I'm going to say this one final time. No, you can't. It is after 2 in the morning (it is now, we've been doing this for 10 minutes), you are disturbing the other guests on this floor. One way or another, people are going to leave the room. Now. (Khiras is getting upset)
SC: (Last ditch) Ok, I'll start getting them on their way.
Me: We'll be standing outside with the door open, they can start on their way now.
(SC scowls, since she thought that was going to make me go away)

A few minutes pass, and finally everyone, including the SC leaves the room. We close and lock the door, walk them out of the hotel, and most leave. The SC, however, stays out there with about 5 people, talking for a while. We note that they are all barefoot, so I just stand in the lobby...I know what the plan is before they even try it, and it becomes clear that we're kicking her out of the hotel. Sure enough, moments later, they come back in and tell us they are going to the room since her friends left their shoes there. I agree that it's ok...however, SO and myself will be going to the room with them to ensure that they leave. Scowl.

The time is now 3:20 AM...I've been dealing with these idiots for 2 hours.

We get back to the floor, and the winners run out of the elevator, run into the room, slam the door (loudly), and deadbolt/night latch it shut before we can catch up. You'd think this would anger me, but it doesn't, since my reaction is simple: I sit outside the room and listen to the noise. Sure enough, 2 minutes later, complaint #3 comes in. My response is simple:

Me: (over the radio) Base, call the PD...I've had enough of this room. (Not over the radio) SO, where's my $10?
SO: Damn, hoped you'd forget.
(Khiras is evil, vindictive, and is now giddy at the thought of some SC revenge)

(About 5-10 minutes later, police arrive, BANG on the door, and the SC emerges...surprised!)

SC: Yes?
AD (Police): Hi! Get your shit and get out.
SC: Uh...what?
AD: You're being loud.
SC: And?
AD: And you were told to shut up.
SC: Well...
AD: And you didn't, and now I'm here.
SC: But...
AD: And I'm having this conversation, and every second that it stretches on, I'm more likely to go find a cute, furry animal and bludgeon it to death.
SC: Well I...
AD: And I don't see you packing your bags.
SC: The thing is...
AD: And I definitely don't see you leaving like I told you to.
SC: But...
AD: And your damn friends haven't moved either. Hey guys, you get the hell out too now, kay?

Side note, Me, SO, and the three other police that came out are now in the hallway trying not to pee our pants, and coming damn close to failing.

SC: Well...
AD: No well, just go. Go. GO. Start moving. That way. Your luggage and shit is over there. Yes, the direction I'm pointing. Your bags. With your stuff. Pack them and get the hell out of here. (Points at her 5 friends) You. Idiots. Leave. (they finally scamper away, SC starts putting on the drunken crying act)
SC: Why are you doing this to me?
AD: Because you're pissing me off.
SC: I know what this is really about, I'm being discriminated against by the hotel.
AD: Why, because you're a middle-aged, American, white woman? I am too dumbass, so what does that tell you?
SC: (Has that cow look in her eyes again) ..................
AD: I notice you've stopped packing your stuff for a moment. Fix that.

At this point, one of the police has collapsed onto the floor, and his face is a deep shade of red. SO is clinging to the wall, and I'm panting trying not to laugh out loud. None of us notice that the guest who was complaining about the noise has opened his door, and has also been listening to AD talk, then went back into his room...and is himself laughing audibly from the room for insult-to-injury potential. SC finally gets the idea, and shuts up...and a few minutes later, we all go down to the lobby together. I think I'm done, since she goes to the front desk to settle her bill...when I hear those fateful words over the radio: "MOD to front desk please." Fuck, here we go! AD is still with SC, so she doesn't go running off. It is now about 4:15 AM. Khiras is getting very tired of dealing with this...he is no longer amused. No...

Me: Yes, ma'am?
SC: I want my money back.
Me: I see, may I ask why you believe that is justified?
SC: You're kicking me out!
AD: Heh, yeah. Fun ain't it?
Me: (With a perfectly straight face, which takes tremendous effort) I apologize ma'am, however we gave you every opportunity to avoid this problem. I gave you repeated noise warnings at your room, and asked your guests to leave specifically to try and avoid this, however you kept returning to your room to make more noise. It is now after 4am, you have occupied our room throughout the night already.
SC: But I never slept there.
Me: That is not my concern, unfortunately. What is my concern is your neighbors, who are now receiving each of their rooms for free as a result of the inconvenience you have caused them. I can provide you with a name of another manager during the day, however I see no logical reason to provide a refund to your bill at this time.
SC: But I never slept there!
AD: And we have a winner! I'm not going to sit here and listen to you repeat yourself all night, so here's my suggestion...and by suggestion, I mean this is what we're going to do. You're going to pay the man, and then you're going to leave. You can wait until you're sober and call back tomorrow to settle this later on, but I have better things to do than deal with you any more, so let's go.
SC: But...

This is the end to my fun...the SC finally waddles out of the hotel, AD stays around for a bit joking with us, then they leave and the night calms down.

She calls back 8 times the next day, then calls corporate...and is dismayed every time when she learns that we...*gasp*...talk to one another, and no one will refund her rate! She tried to bring discrimination charges against me, then blanched a bit when the police officer who came to take her report was one of the ones who helped kick her out that night.

The funniest thing of all though? She lives 2 blocks from SO's house...so every once in a while, she sees him and just glares...then goes back to grazing on her front lawn.

It's nice to see an SC get their just rewards sometimes!
"That's too bad. Hospitals aren't fun to fight through."
"What IS fun to fight through?"
"Gardens. Electronics shops. Antique stores, but only if they're classy."
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