Dumb Questions: List 'Em!

[Sonoma]

How come you can't put a square photo into a round frame without trimming it?
How come the fax I sent is still here? (people thinking faxes magically disappear and reappear somewhere else when they are faxed.)

To the first question, haven't they heard of square peg, round hole?

But don't fax machines work by squooshing the paper up so that it can fit through the phone line, so that the original document arrives at the destination's fax machine?

[AFpheonix]

"Can I get a free sample?"

No, but See's Candies is halfway down the mall that way. Go scam them.

I had someone ask me once if we do free samples. He had a prescription for Vicodin.
Sure sir! Here, let me see if I can get this oxycontin on a toothpick for ya

-*after the person listens to the automated greeting, which is : "Thank you for calling your 24 hour Blah blah! Located at the corner of Uggg and Durrr!"* : "uhhh....what time do you guys close? And where exactly are you located?"

-"30 minutes?! Why does it take so long?!" - this after they've taken in the sight of a busy drivethru, a line out to the bathroom inside, the waiting room full, and the phones ringing off the hook. My bad sir, here, let me grab some random bottle of medicine, cram it into a bottle that may or may not have the right name and directions on it, and throw it at you.

-"Why don't you have the right insurance/address/blah blah on file for me? Maybe because my information is only as good as what you tell me?

-"Why is my copay so high?!" - Maybe because you've requested brand, instead of having the doctor write for brand medically necessary, on a med that has a generic available, and without insurance would be in the neighborhood of $700? Just a thought.

-"I just took such and such medication, was that bad?" I'm sorry, you have 30 seconds to live. Thank you for calling Blah blah pharmacy!

-"I know you guys said I shouldn't drink alcohol while taking this medication, but can I drink alcohol?"- Not unless you want to be kneeling before the porcelain god for the rest of the night.

-"I apparently have never been sick in my life, and therefore have no idea what to do about a common cold. What should I take?"

-"My child is running a dangerously high fever, has broken out into some sort of rash, and can't stop throwing up. However, I'm too cheap to take him to the doctor. Is there anything I can give him over the counter?" Might I suggest a new set of parents?

[MrSunshineState]

When I worked at the movie theatre


Scene: Lights are off. Nobody in the box office. Doors locked. Employees obviously preparing for the day. Customer comes up, pulls on the door....locked. PULLS HARDER! SHAKES THE DOORS!! Knocks on the door......


...."you open?"

[MrSunshineState]

How much should I tip you?

Do NOT be a wise-ass and pretend like you don't knowtipping conventions and try to trap me into "being greedy" by telling you what my time is REALLY worth or try to get me to avoid offending you by saying that some lowball amount is enough, soothing your conscience about stiffing me. Don't try to make me blush and don't pretend like it's the first time I have dealt with this bullshit.

LOL! I have asked that question before, but never in a restaruant. When it comes to food service I usually tip 25-30% (50-60% for Hooters girls )

But, a couple months back I bought a new bed and deluxe matress from Rooms to Go. I had never had furnature delivered and setup before so I legitimately did not know what industry standard was and I didn't want to short the guys. They were really nice, professional, and said they would show up between 12:00 and 2:00....arrived at 12:03. I was embarassed that I had to ask though.

[Ackee]

Proof of Id

Me : Do you have proof of id, it needs to be official, like a driving license or passport.
Stupid Stupid Customers: Can I use this Junk mail, it's addressed to me?
Or Can I use this hand written letter from my Auntie in France?
Or Can I use this Bank Statement from 2001?
Or Can I use this letter addressed to my husband?
And further, when I tell them no.
Stupid stupid stupid customers: Why?

[siead_lietrathua]

I only have one.

"is this till open?"

when said when
>i'm cleaning a machine
>helping another customer
>working on a customer's lab order
>on the other side of the lab
>when there is a "till closed" sign up.

[Becks]

"Where's the deli department?" (Standing less than 3 feet away...)
"Do you sell pants here?" (At a grocery store? I've seen shirts, socks, a few unmentionables, but NEVER pants.)
n the phone: Good (time of day), {name of store} [city store is located], ~name of person answering the phone~, how may I help you? "Yeah, is this {name of store}? Uh huh. The [city] location?"

[nekoro]

"Does my computer have to be on to download?"

[katie kaboom]

"Does my computer have to be on to download?"

ouch, i think that one just broke my brain.

[NightAngel]

I had a doozy of a stupid question the other night. I can't believe I forgot it!

Me: *answers phone*
DQL: "Yeah, I just rented some movies and I got someone else's receipt in my bag... does that make me responsible for their movies to?"

I spent the next 5 minutes reassuring her that it did not.

Me : Do you have proof of id, it needs to be official, like a driving license or passport.
Stupid Stupid Customers: Can I use this Junk mail, its addressed to me?
Or ...

Or:

"Can I use my girlfriend's drivers license even though she's not here?"
"Can I use my prison id?" (This may actually be acceptable in some situations.)
"Can I use a DL from *insert any country that isn't the one you're currently in*?" (Bonus points if it's in a language you can't read.)
"I have the account owner on the phone- can't she just tell you I'm me?"
"Can't I just tell you the address and phone number on the account?"

EDIT: Oh, and in true Clerks form, "Where are your new releases?"
I answer this one almost daily.

[freaktard]

I'm a musician. I play the violin.

A few years ago I had a gig playing solo violin at a wedding. I played for half an hour before the service started, I played several pieces during the service, and I played for about 15 minutes after the service as people were filing out. In short, I played a lot.

As I was leaving, somebody came up to me and asked, "Y'all play the violin?"

Not sucky, exactly. Just...odd.

[rvdammit]

But, a couple months back I bought a new bed and deluxe matress from Rooms to Go. I had never had furnature delivered and setup before so I legitimately did not know what industry standard was and I didn't want to short the guys.

I figure on the equivelent of 1 pint in the pub for each of these, per person:
Dropping off
Having to carry up stairs
Removing old carp
Assembling

Plus offering at least one tea/coffee/soft drink at arrival and before leaving, more if there are many pieces.

[Bella_Vixen]

When do ya'll close? (after being greeted on the phone with "Kinko's, open 24 hours." )

Guilty.

[BookstoreEscapee]

YOU WANT TO BET AN EXPENSIVE DINNER OVER THIS!?!?! (You should know who this is)

That would be Moderately-Priced Lunch Guy, right?

Not to give anything away, but I work for the same company as B&NGoddess...

(If you don't have one near you, most, if not all, stores have a centrally located Customer Service desk, with a large, lighted sign above it, visible from pretty much anywhere in the store, that says "Customer Service"; they also have lighted panels on the front with posters in them; the desk is hard to miss)

Where's the customer service desk?

Do you work here? (Inevitably they will ask this when you are wearing a name tag and sitting on the floor scanning books with the scanning gun/shelving off a ginormuos cart of books/just finished helping another customer right in front of them, and, on more than one occasion, standing inside the customer service desk or behind the cashwrap)

Do you have gift cards? While they are standing at the cashwrap which has a huge gift card display right at the head of the line and which they walked past to get to you, and smaller displays right in front of the first 3 registers.

Are you open? I'm the only person at the cashwrap and I'm looking expectantly at you and smiling...No, I'm closed.
Can you rent books?
Do you take cash? Yeah, ha ha, everyone uses credit cards, that's so funny...
Do you have a copy machine? Well, yes, in the office, but you can't use it...we like to sell the books, thanks...
Do you have tax forms? Uh, no, try the library.
Where are the magazines? Right in front of your face as you walk in the door...
Why don't you know the number for Starbucks? Because they are attached to the store. If I need to call them, I lean in the door and say "Hey, Starbucks Guy...!"

[MoonChild2007]

"Do you have the [insert name of particular state] quarters? Can I get some?"

Um, yeah...like I'm gonna sift through a load of quarters and pop open all the tightly-wrapped plastic rolls of quarters (on a side note, whoever invented those EEEEEEEEVIL plastic coin wrappers needs to DIAF) and hold up the line for a pissant request like that. NO. GO AWAY.

You wouldn't believe how many people ask me that!