Embarrassing for me, but I'm posting because I want input on this interaction.

[Food Lady]

It bothers me, and I'm not sure why, as I am kind of hard to embarrass usually. I think it exemplifies an aspect of the culture here I don't like: a bit nosy, people are. Anyway, for the dudes--if you are squeamish about lady issues, feel free to move along, though I don't mind if you read it.

So at work today, though I was well prepared, I ended up with a bit of a mess because of my "lady's days" [whomever gets the reference gets a cookie]. It happens despite my best efforts to prevent it, but it was localized to a not-obvious part of my attire, or so I thought. I did my best to deal with it on the short break I had and went on with my day. No one said a word to me if they did see, and if they had I would've been given a sweatshirt or something by my boss. There's no time to go home and change this time of year.


So, since it wasn't readily visible and I didn't want to waste gas tonight, I popped into the grocery after work to pick up something for dinner and then go straight home to change. I looked ok as far as I knew, and what was another half hour? An older woman stopped me and told me about a spot on the back of one of my pants legs that I didn't realize was there. I kind of stammered that, well, I couldn't do anything about it right now. I was even trying to look behind me to see it (probably looking like a dog chasing its tail), thinking there was a huge area or something. [When I got home I looked and it was a small spot most wouldn't even notice. I certainly wouldn't notice it on someone else.] She advised me that wet wipes are good for that while one is "out and about."


Couldn't she have feigned ignorance? She could've at least said something like, "Oh, it looks like you cut your leg there; are you ok?" That would've been a lot less akward. It made me feel like a negligent person who just walks around with gross stains. I do notice them and try to get them out, but honestly, if some coffee or ink remains after trying to get it out, I'm not going to stop my day for it. Stuff happens. Unless I have a big interview or meeting, most people that see that stain are going to think "Oh, yes--must've spilled coffee on the run. I did that last week," and then that would be the end of it. They wouldn't think I was a terrible person. As far as blood or something like that, if I can go home and go back out, I do. But wet wipes? What are those going to do with blood? And sometimes you simply don't have time to deal with it. I remember times when I was on public transportation, and you just had to live with uncomfortable situations.

Anyway, it brought up 3 times when people were overly concerned about my attire:
--A few weeks ago when a sucktomer went on and on about how my shirt was a slightly altered hue from what's required (though not unacceptable to management).
--The late spring day when it was raining and unusually cool, but I was ok in crop pants, sandals, and a sweatshirt, and an older woman (why is it always people over 50??) looked me up and down and said with disdain, "It's raining." Ha on her; I simply said, "Yes, it is" and ignored her implied criticism.
--The time in cafe when I accidently splashed myself well while washing my hands and ended up with an overly-damp shirt. This woman was so overly concerned that she kept going on about it and wouldn't order and was holding up the line. I wanted to scream Water evaporates, lady!

So it boils down to feeling criticized by people mid-50s and older, and also the possibility I was seen as a dirty person.

I did thank her akwardly, as I thought she thought she was helping, and slunk away.

Am I overreacting? Why does it bother me? What would you have done in her place or mine?

Inquiring minds want to know.

[MoonCat]

OK, I can see that you would feel a bit embarrassed that someone would point it out when it's such a small spot. But truly, I think she just wanted to be helpful because she thought you might not have known about it and that you'd want to know - although, as you said, there isn't much you can do about it in that situation. Using a wet wipe on it would probably just spread it around and make it look bigger, because you'd have an obvious wet spot. I probably would've been a little annoyed but I would have done as you did, just thanked her, told her I was aware of it, and went on my way.

The other ones are kinda weird, or at least the shirt and the water ones are. I confess I've often wondered why some people run around in 20 degree weather in flip flops and shorts, but I would NEVER say anything to them about it.

[RootedPhoenix]

I...am not nice. So I don't see her actions as anything other than sneering at others. Grr to that. She likely thought she was helping, though.

*hands you chocolate and hugs you*

[Ironclad Alibi]

I did thank her akwardly, as I thought she thought she was helping, and slunk away.

I would say to take the Miss Manner's approach. Thank her politely, and go on about your business until you could do something about it.

However, she was wrong to mention it in the first place.

[firecat88]

Some people are very good at offering advice in ways that are utterly tactless (I'm related to one such person).

[depechemodefan]

Mentioning it once is ok (maybe you are on your way somewhere important and you might not know and now you know you might have a chance to change), but the woman going on about your wet shirt, I think she should stop once she mentioned it. But then, I don't know how the first woman said you had a stain. She could have been shocked, and that would have over the top.

I remember one time I went to an Air Show, and there was this guy in a wheelchair and he had a bandage on his knee (his leg ended at his knee) and the bandage was falling off. Now I was thinking, "would he be embarrassed if I mentioned his bandage was coming off?" but then I figured the bandage was there for a reason, ie, so he doesn't come in contact with stuff (air, dirt) that will get it infected. Then again, I felt bad for bringing it to his attention.

[Food Lady]

I guess it's a double-edged sword and I'm just burned out right now and emotional.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

I wouldn't have mentioned it to you, because I would not have wanted to embarrass you, but I know there's been times when I've had ink on my face, or something in my teeth or whatever, when the person mentions it they go "oh yeah, it's been like that all morning." All I can think is, why didn't you say something sooner.

She probably did think she was being helpful.

[Shangri-laschild]

I wouldn't have mentioned it to you, because I would not have wanted to embarrass you, but I know there's been times when I've had ink on my face, or something in my teeth or whatever, when the person mentions it they go "oh yeah, it's been like that all morning." All I can think is, why didn't you say something sooner.

She probably did think she was being helpful.

Yeah, it's one of those tricky things. For all she knew, it had just started and you weren't aware and it was going to get worse while you were going about your day. But it doesn't make the encounter less awkward. You're right, sometimes you don't have time to deal with stuff or even you aren't aware. None of that makes you negligent. I'm guessing she just couldn't think of a better way to mention it and some people are less bothered by being direct with this kind of thing than others. I can understand feeling embarrassed but I think she meant well. The other 3 examples however sounded very annoying.

[cindybubbles]

I once had an old woman try to remove my large cold sore (pre-Abreva, of course!) thinking that it was dirt on my lips! I had a fun time explaining to her what it really was.

[LillFilly]

I guess I'd want to know about anything amiss sooner than later; I'd be embarrassed, sure, but less so than not knowing at all and finding out later!

I did have a lady point-out that I still had the sizing sticker on the butt of the new capris I'd worn once; I was pretty mortified since I'd walked past a bunch of tables on my way to the buffet and so my size XXL tag must have been face level with everyone!

But someone that keeps harping on you, yeah, the best I can think of is giving them a polite brush-off and going on your way.

[Argabarga]

I'm not sure why, but it's definately people 50-60-70 who take the largest issues with the way anyone younger than them dresses. They seem, for whatever reason, to be very unable or very unwilling to accept that fact that on the whole, modern society is a lot more casual in dress and relaxed in the rules of what's "proper" and are extremely judgmental of those not "up to code" as they see it.

My mom was one of them

She never missed a chance to chide those wearing ballcaps off the ball field, or blue jeans outside of blue-collar work, or skirts too short, or too much jewelry, or , well, a couple dozen other "rules" she had.

I think it's a desire to assure one's self they're better than these young whippersnappers that are running the world now, yeah, they can tweet and internet and all that, but can they GET DRESSED RIGHT?! HA! no way!

[wolfie]

So at work today, though I was well prepared, I ended up with a bit of a mess because of my "lady's days" [whomever gets the reference gets a cookie].

Remember the old TV series "Alice", set in a diner, where one of her co-workers was spun off into her own series? By any chance, is that co-worker your mother's sister?

[Seshat]

Being nearly-fifty, I can understand some aspects of this.

For instance, I find visible lingerie to be embarassing; I will conceal bra straps, and if wearing a top that needs 'keepers' and doesn't have them, I'll use safety pins for the purpose. (Guys: 'keepers' are small ribbons sewn onto the straps of a top, you loop the ribbon under the bra strap, and clip it to the other side of the top's strap. This keeps the bra strap hidden beneath the top's straps.)

Similarly, I find visible layering weird. Some is fine - shirt under vest under jacket is somehow 'traditional' and 'right', whereas showing that you're wearing three t-shirts by having two different lengths of shirt showing under the top one, while wearing them all hanging out, is 'weird'. (Don't ask me why, it's how I grew up.)

Oh, for that matter? TUCK IN YOUR SHIRTS YOU YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPERS! <waves cane, looks grumpy and old>

And what's with this showing off underboob and sideboob thing? It's just gross. Noone needs to see that.

And boys, get a belt, dammit. Noone needs to see THAT, either.

....


All of this is going through my head when I'm looking at modern clothing styles. I'm just too polite to SAY it.

So .. yeah. That's my take on why 'old people' (my god, I almost qualify) complain about how people dress.


That said, going back to the OP's question:

I might - MIGHT - comment once on an aspect of one's clothing that needs repair or other attention. Most likely to offer the use of a safety pin (for a tear or something), or just to make sure you're aware of it.
And like I said: once.
Basically, I'm agreeing with the other posters who've pretty much said they'd comment, maybe, for the right reasons.

The 'water' woman, and the others who may/may not have harped on the issue, was/were out of line.

[Sapphire Silk]

I'm almost 50 myself, and I only have 2 issues with the dress of other people.

1) Don't wear pajamas in public. If you're not motivated enough to get dressed before you go out, just stay in bed.

2) Pull up your pants. No one wants to see your boxers.

Other than that, I don't give a crap about "rules" of dress. I don't care if you wear white after Labor Day, and I don't care if you wear blue jeans. People should just be neat, clean, and presentable no matter what they're wearing.