Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Douchebag(s) of the Week

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Douchebag(s) of the Week

    DISCLAIMER: The following candidates for Douchebag of the Week are from the last 2-3 weeks. I have creative timekeeping skills. Deal with it.

    Learn How to Drive: So as I'm riding my bike to work, I see this yahoo moron on the main street, in the right turn lane....so naturally they go straight, cutting off others who managed to get in the correct lane to begin with. Horn honking and finger gestures ensued from the other drivers. Due to the fact that this is all too common at this particular intersection, this idiot is not the Douchebag of the Week. Nice effort, though.

    Learn How to Ride: I would be remiss in my reporting duties if I limited myself to the morons in the cars. This one genius on a bicycle was riding along, and kept riding despite the red light. At an intersection of two major streets. With tons of traffic. Amazingly, he did not get hit by a car. That is not due to my lack of wishful thinking, though, as idjits like this make all bicyclist look bad. Fuckwit. Still, not the Douchebag of the Week, as much as I would like to strangle the fucker.

    Blondes Just Want to Have Fun: So these three blondes were drinking at my bar, a mother and two daughters. They had a few drinks, and then suddenly...they weren't there. Gone. Vanished. Did you notice the part where I said they paid their bill? No? That's because they didn't. So, while I was busy, I took off running, telling some guests who had just sat down "Be right back!" and off I went, sprinting up the street, as I saw them a block away. "LADIES! LADIES! LADIES!" Nothing. And I have a VOICE, mind you. I finally caught up to them, though. "Ladies, you kinda forgot to pay your tab." Mom: "Oh." Yes, these ladies made the blonde stereotype that much worse. Mom came back and paid the tab, but really? You're an adult. Shit ain't free. Pay your tab, and don't make the bartender chase you. Still, not the Douchebags of the Week.

    An Unlikely Candidate: Me! Yes, I am a candidate for this dubious award. Why? Well, I upsold a customer to my signature margarita. My recipe. My drink. And yet, while making it, I fucked it up, and put the wrong thing in it. You would think that a recipe I developed over the years and take great pride in would be one I might just remember how to make. And....you would be wrong.

    A Penny For Your Thoughts: So a guy sits down at my bar, shortly before happy hour starts. He asks about happy hour, and I explain to him that it has not started yet. He orders a drink, and asks, "So this drink is not under happy hour, right?" Correct. Again, this is not me telling him and him not understanding, this is him telling me that he understands the situation. Well, a few minutes go by, happy hour starts, and he orders some happy hour food. He gets the food, he eats the food, he drinks his drink. I offer him a second drink. "Would that be free?" Since we have a 2 for 1 deal on certain drinks at happy hour, but his first drink was NOT during happy hour, which I remind him of, and offer him a second drink, which would make his third one free. Upon being told something he already knew, i.e., that his first drink did not fall under happy hour, he got a Cat Butt Face and asked for his bill. Which I gave to him, and he paid, and left. And left in the check presenter a single penny, which is the standard way for a customer to tell a server "I didn't forget to tip, you just suck." And apparently I sucked because I didn't change everything around to accommodate this loser even though he knew the score from the beginning. Fuck you, asshole. But to your credit, you narrowly avoid being the Douchebag of the Week. Because, you see, you actually paid your bill.

    Congratulations, Kansas City: You win. You four idiots from KC are officially my Douchebags of the Week. You came in, you sat, you ordered drinks, I made the drinks, you drank the drinks, and you left. Does anyone see the part where I say "they paid their bill"? No? Probably because that didn't happen. They just....up and left, when I wasn't looking, completely stiffing me on a $23 tab. I guess in Kansas City it's common to just assume that drinks are free or something, because not one of these four DOUCHEBAGS bothered to FUCKING PAY their bill.

    Thanks, guys. I didn't need that $23 anyway. No, I didn't end up paying it, but still, for all they knew, I might have had to. So fuck them, and their shitty football team, too.

    They are my Douchebags of the Week. Cheap fucking bastards.

    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
    Still A Customer."


  • #2
    I read stories about the Douchebags of the Week and I start to think, PWNADE(TM) needs to come in two varieties.

    One variety is to the victim of pwnage, and should taste appropriately bitter and unpleasant.

    The other goes to the person serving up the pwnage, and should therefore taste appropriately awesome, and probably sweet.

    Now we just need to come up with names for the two varieties of PWNADE(TM)...
    PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

    There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth Jester View Post
      , because not one of these four DOUCHEBAGS bothered to FUCKING PAY their bill.
      Goshdarnit, Jester. That sucks.

      Worst part is that you know, you just KNOW, they fully intended to walk out and ditch the bill.
      By popular request....I am now officially the Enemy of Normalcy.

      "What is unobtainium? To Seraph, it's a normal client. :P" -- Observant Friend

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Jay 2K Winger View Post
        Now we just need to come up with names for the two varieties of PWNADE(TM)...
        Victor and victim?
        Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

        Comment


        • #5
          Personally I think the three blondes never intended to pay their bill either. Mom just managed to pull "Oh" out of a dark unsanitary place in time to make it look like she just forgot.
          When you start at zero, everything's progress.

          Comment


          • #6
            MoonCat, gonna have to disagree with you on the blondes. Based upon their actions and such while they were actually in the bar, I really do think they were just fucking stupid, and forgot to pay the bill because they were ditzy...and fucking stupid.

            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
            Still A Customer."

            Comment


            • #7
              As someone who lives in Kansas City (well... technically I just moved to Independence, but it's the same metro area), I can vouch that they would be called douchbags here too. Evil people giving Missourians a bad name. Unless they are Kansans... then I'd mind less. Just kidding! Grrr, evil people.
              "Oh, the strawberries don't taste as they used to and the thighs of women have lost their clutch!"

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth MoonCat View Post
                Personally I think the three blondes never intended to pay their bill either. Mom just managed to pull "Oh" out of a dark unsanitary place in time to make it look like she just forgot.
                One time I completely forgot to pay a restaurant bill. It was in a theme park: manager came looking for me, and I rather red-facedly went back and paid.

                Felt like a total idiot.
                Seshat's self-help guide:
                1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Around here, you never tip barmen. however, you pay up front, every time.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I used to live in KC and did work the renn faire for several years....there are douchebags of all shapes and sizes there, sadly if I wanted to find bigger and better douche'iness(is that a word?!?), I would just cross the border into Kansas...

                    Now I am much happier on the other side of the state in St Louis.

                    Of course if you want the highlight of redneck hick douchebags, go to Springfield, which of course segways into BRANSON!!!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I come from Kansas City, and on behalf of the large majority of decent, halfway-decent, and well-just-OK people here, I apologize for the behavior of these thieving oafs.
                      Experience is knowing how not to get your teeth kicked in - again. -- The Freethinker

                      "And that... entitles you to no mercy at all, no matter what." -- from Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth scruff View Post
                        Around here, you never tip barmen. however, you pay up front, every time.
                        You pay up front around here as well, except you also tip the bartender. The only times I've ever seen tabs open were when the person drinking was friends with the bartender (an important relationship to develop indeed. )
                        my favourite author is neil gaiman. - me
                        it is? I don't like potatoes much. - the chatbot I was talking to

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Miss Maple Leaf View Post
                          You pay up front around here as well, except you also tip the bartender. The only times I've ever seen tabs open were when the person drinking was friends with the bartender (an important relationship to develop indeed. )
                          Only time I've ever seen bartabs open here is during special events like a work function, wedding or something like that and in those cases the manager usually keeps a copy of the credit card (using one of the manual machines) until the tab has been settled (so that if they stiff the place on the bill the bar still gets paid obviously)

                          Side note: Most of the places I've worked for in the past always have bar tabs limited to house wines, beers and soft drinks. If you want a fancy cocktail or spirits you can damn well pay for it yourself =p
                          Violets are blue,
                          Roses are red,
                          I bequeath to thee...
                          A boot to the head >_>

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Because we are a restaurant/bar, we often keep tabs open; like you would expect in a restaurant, you pay at the end.

                            We are also not hugely high volume (most of the time) like some of the tourist joints on Duval Street, where you pay as you go or give the bartender your credit card to hold your tab open.

                            When we are insanely busy (big sporting events, special events, Fantasy Fest), things are a bit different. You either pay as you go, OR we take a credit card for your tab, OR we keep the tab open without a credit card, but only if you are a friend or regular that we know. But that is SOP in crazy shifts just as the open tab things is SOP otherwise.

                            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                            Still A Customer."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth scruff View Post
                              Around here, you never tip barmen. however, you pay up front, every time.
                              Tipping aside, here it can go one of two ways. You can pay as you go, but generally if you are going to be sitting at the bar for a while, it's much easier to add drinks to a tab and pay it all at once when you are ready to go. So it's really just a matter of preference.
                              "I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask." - House

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X