What. The. Hell?!?! I don't know if this is some kind of national day of whining and yelling, but there was something seriously wrong. It's like they had a big meeting to discuss how to make the poor customer service girl have a breakdown and put her head in the microwave in the breakroom (stupid thing doesn't work with the door open). Every single call was someone yelling and screaming and doing anything they could to be uncooperative bungholes (sorry. Recent topics have cause old insults to resurface in my vocabulary. You kids today with your South Park don't know what juvenile insults are all about. I'll show you how to kick it old school). Had I known in advance how the day would go, I'd have just attempted to hurl myself at a brick wall 67 times and at least then I could have eventually passed out from head trauma. At least it was slow today. That's right. Taking 67 calls is a slow day. Most of them weren't really funny or entertaining, they just left me hanging my head and wishing poxes upon numerous houses. On with the madness.
ME = Darth Cellular (still liking that)
SM = Count Dookie
SW = Princess Amideadyet
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200
SM: I need to cancel my service. I'm going to jail.
ME (at least he's honest): I'm sorry to hear that. We could at least suspend the service on your lines temporarily for a few months=
SM: NO, I just want to cancel all the numbers.
ME: We do have that option, though you would be charged for termination fees on 4 of the 5 lines that are under contract.
SM: But I've been a good customer for years! You can't do this!
Yeah, well, obviously you screwed up somewhere and got Johnny Law after you. Look at it this way, you get free HBO. Just don't drop the soap.
Duuur
ME: Could I have your mobile phone number please?
SW: My name is Jane Smith
ME: And your mobile phone number please?
SW: ................ My what?
ME: Your mobile phone number.
SW: My phone number?
Yes! Yes, that would be it. I'm your mobile phone company. Is there any other number in the universe that I could possibly care about? Not your IQ (6), not how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop (Ask Mr. Owl), not how many customers it takes to screw in a light bulb (0. None of them have survived. They all keep sticking their tongues in the light sockets).
Too little, too late
SM: I want to pay my bill and get my service back on.
ME: Hmm, I see your account canceled in February and was referred to a collection agency. You can settle the account with the agency and then activate a new account.
SM: But I want this account back.
ME: I'm sorry, but we don't even own this account any more.
SM: Okay, fine. How much do I owe?
ME: Well, the Agency may require a different amount, but at the time the service canceled it had an outstanding balance of $700.
SM: That's impossible! I haven't used the phone in months.
ME: Of course you haven't. It's been canceled since January, and it was referred to collections the following month.
SM: I can't pay this. You're going to have to do something about it.
ME: Sir, your service activated in September. You've made 1 payment, and that was in November. The charges on the account will not be adjusted.
SM: Fine. Give me the agency's information so I can dispute this with them.
How can you even pretend to be surprised that you're in collections? All you had to do was make a payment every now and then.
The Point
SM: Yeah, I want to pay my bill and get my service back on.
ME: Unfortunately, you're account is in collections.
SM: What? But I made a payment 2 weeks ago!
ME: I see you did make a payment of $404.00 on 04/28 in a store. But it looks like the payment was reversed. Did they refund your payment?
SM: Well, yeah. After I paid they told me I couldn't get new phones, so I said forget that Sh*t and asked for my money back.
ME: But you were already scheduled for collections at that point and-
SM: I don't care about that! I'm a good customer, you guys are supposed to take care of me.
ME: Sir, this account isn't even ours anymore. It cannot be reactivated. You can settle it with the collection agency and apply for new service.
SM: I"m not doing that! I want this account on now! You can't just send me to collections, not after all the service I gave you people!
ME: Sir, we haven't received a payment since December. Your service was suspended in February, then canceled in March. You received notice that your service would be referred to collections 2 weeks prior to when it was sold. You called on 0428 and a rep told you the account was scheduled for collections, then you made a payment and then reversed it. Your account went to collections the next day, on 04/29.
SM: No no no! You aren't supposed to do this.
ME: What prevented you from making a payment from January to April?
SM: Nevermind that! That's not the point!
No, that is the point. You owe someone money for services rendered. You don't pay them. This goes on for months. A third party comes in and says, "We'll pay that off for you and go after the scumbag with our own foul procedures." We tell them go for it. You gave up your whining privileges when you had them refund your payment. Buh bye.
Math is fun
SW: I know I'm not a month behind!
ME: Okay, let's look at the payments we've received. You paid on 02/17 for your bill due 02/07. We received no payment in March. You paid your bill due 03/07 on 04/11. Your bills due 04/07 and 05/07 are now both past due.
SW: That's impossible! I pay the bill every month!
ME: I don't know why your March bill was a month late and the last 2 bills unpaid. Did you receive them in the mail?
SW: We moved back in December and are still getting our information changed.
Moving sucks. My dad was in the army and we did it a lot growing up. I've also escaped various apartments and finally migrated to a house. But I made sure that as soon as I signed the paperwork for my new residence, I would call every company that sent me things like bills and supplied me with various utilities and services, and make sure they knew where to find me. Took a whole day and it sucked. But I did it because I'm a responsible person and I understand that not doing so does not excuse me from paying my bills.
Logic
SW: Cancel my service! I don't want a contract!
ME: Ma'am, you've been with us for 6 years. For the plan you're requesting it requires a 1 year contract. Are you really willing to go to another company and agree to a 2 year contract just to avoid a 1 year contract with us?
SW: But they'll take care of me.
Fun fact. The other guys and I may not always play nice in each other's sandbox, but the bottom line is they take the same calls I do from the same type of customers. Okay, I take an unusual amount of "special" calls for reasons that baffle my superiors, but you get the idea. Other providers are not going to bend over backward and lick their own buttcheeks to make you happy. But you go do what you have to do and find out for yourself.
1 day to go...
ME = Darth Cellular (still liking that)
SM = Count Dookie
SW = Princess Amideadyet
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200
SM: I need to cancel my service. I'm going to jail.
ME (at least he's honest): I'm sorry to hear that. We could at least suspend the service on your lines temporarily for a few months=
SM: NO, I just want to cancel all the numbers.
ME: We do have that option, though you would be charged for termination fees on 4 of the 5 lines that are under contract.
SM: But I've been a good customer for years! You can't do this!
Yeah, well, obviously you screwed up somewhere and got Johnny Law after you. Look at it this way, you get free HBO. Just don't drop the soap.
Duuur
ME: Could I have your mobile phone number please?
SW: My name is Jane Smith
ME: And your mobile phone number please?
SW: ................ My what?
ME: Your mobile phone number.
SW: My phone number?
Yes! Yes, that would be it. I'm your mobile phone company. Is there any other number in the universe that I could possibly care about? Not your IQ (6), not how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop (Ask Mr. Owl), not how many customers it takes to screw in a light bulb (0. None of them have survived. They all keep sticking their tongues in the light sockets).
Too little, too late
SM: I want to pay my bill and get my service back on.
ME: Hmm, I see your account canceled in February and was referred to a collection agency. You can settle the account with the agency and then activate a new account.
SM: But I want this account back.
ME: I'm sorry, but we don't even own this account any more.
SM: Okay, fine. How much do I owe?
ME: Well, the Agency may require a different amount, but at the time the service canceled it had an outstanding balance of $700.
SM: That's impossible! I haven't used the phone in months.
ME: Of course you haven't. It's been canceled since January, and it was referred to collections the following month.
SM: I can't pay this. You're going to have to do something about it.
ME: Sir, your service activated in September. You've made 1 payment, and that was in November. The charges on the account will not be adjusted.
SM: Fine. Give me the agency's information so I can dispute this with them.
How can you even pretend to be surprised that you're in collections? All you had to do was make a payment every now and then.
The Point
SM: Yeah, I want to pay my bill and get my service back on.
ME: Unfortunately, you're account is in collections.
SM: What? But I made a payment 2 weeks ago!
ME: I see you did make a payment of $404.00 on 04/28 in a store. But it looks like the payment was reversed. Did they refund your payment?
SM: Well, yeah. After I paid they told me I couldn't get new phones, so I said forget that Sh*t and asked for my money back.
ME: But you were already scheduled for collections at that point and-
SM: I don't care about that! I'm a good customer, you guys are supposed to take care of me.
ME: Sir, this account isn't even ours anymore. It cannot be reactivated. You can settle it with the collection agency and apply for new service.
SM: I"m not doing that! I want this account on now! You can't just send me to collections, not after all the service I gave you people!
ME: Sir, we haven't received a payment since December. Your service was suspended in February, then canceled in March. You received notice that your service would be referred to collections 2 weeks prior to when it was sold. You called on 0428 and a rep told you the account was scheduled for collections, then you made a payment and then reversed it. Your account went to collections the next day, on 04/29.
SM: No no no! You aren't supposed to do this.
ME: What prevented you from making a payment from January to April?
SM: Nevermind that! That's not the point!
No, that is the point. You owe someone money for services rendered. You don't pay them. This goes on for months. A third party comes in and says, "We'll pay that off for you and go after the scumbag with our own foul procedures." We tell them go for it. You gave up your whining privileges when you had them refund your payment. Buh bye.
Math is fun
SW: I know I'm not a month behind!
ME: Okay, let's look at the payments we've received. You paid on 02/17 for your bill due 02/07. We received no payment in March. You paid your bill due 03/07 on 04/11. Your bills due 04/07 and 05/07 are now both past due.
SW: That's impossible! I pay the bill every month!
ME: I don't know why your March bill was a month late and the last 2 bills unpaid. Did you receive them in the mail?
SW: We moved back in December and are still getting our information changed.
Moving sucks. My dad was in the army and we did it a lot growing up. I've also escaped various apartments and finally migrated to a house. But I made sure that as soon as I signed the paperwork for my new residence, I would call every company that sent me things like bills and supplied me with various utilities and services, and make sure they knew where to find me. Took a whole day and it sucked. But I did it because I'm a responsible person and I understand that not doing so does not excuse me from paying my bills.
Logic
SW: Cancel my service! I don't want a contract!
ME: Ma'am, you've been with us for 6 years. For the plan you're requesting it requires a 1 year contract. Are you really willing to go to another company and agree to a 2 year contract just to avoid a 1 year contract with us?
SW: But they'll take care of me.
Fun fact. The other guys and I may not always play nice in each other's sandbox, but the bottom line is they take the same calls I do from the same type of customers. Okay, I take an unusual amount of "special" calls for reasons that baffle my superiors, but you get the idea. Other providers are not going to bend over backward and lick their own buttcheeks to make you happy. But you go do what you have to do and find out for yourself.
1 day to go...
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