Stupid Tourist Customer Questions

[Bacopa]

Ah yes. I get that one from people who expect the entire state to be one big desert, just like the movies.

Yeah, The Searchers is a great movie, but it was filmed in New Mexico. All those uge heards of cattle they talked about would have died there. And don't forget The Swarm. A refugee train is said to be an hour away from Houston and it's going through mountains. The nearest mountains are hundreds of miles away. The worst example I can think of is some movie where people are near Beaumont and it's all brushland. Huh? Where are the huge loblolly pines? Where are the thick stands of water oak? Where are the bayous?

-Bacopa

[Antisocial_Worker]

At Chimney Rock Park:

What time do you turn the waterfalls off?

At Biltmore House:

How much does the house weigh?

A rant by one teenage girl to another about how their school would schedule a field trip to this horrible place, because it was built by slaves and she just couldn't support such an unjust institution. The punchline: Construction on Biltmore House began in 1890 and was completed in 1895. Bonus punchline: The other teenage girl had other things on her mind, which came to light when she responded to her friend, "God, I am like so high right now."

At my hotel:

Where are the lighthouses? The punchline: We're about 400 miles from the nearest beach.

I want to go see some old-timey gas station where the old men sit around pickin' and grinnin'. Where's the nearest one?

Are there any restaurants in town?

Suggest something else, because I know there's no good Mexican food around here.

Suggest something else, because I know there's no good Chinese food around here.

Suggest something else, because I know there's no good Indian food around here.

Does this town have a newspaper?

Do you have TV's in your rooms?

Do you have color TV's in your rooms?

Do you have cable?

Are your bathrooms inside? (translation: Do you have indoor plumbing?)

[BrassCowboy]

(When arriving, and this is my personal favourite)
"[insert question or statement referencing the tv show The O.C.]"
There is no response, only a boot to the head. It usually does the trick.

You think thats bad?

Some crazy Japanese/German tourist: "Who shot J.R?"

Me: "Ummm....I don't know. I wasn't even alive when that show was on. Piss off"

[Teysa]

Many years ago, I was an exchange student in Germany. When people found out I was from Texas they really did think that I had an oil well in the backyard and rode a horse to school everyday. I think some of them were disappointed when they found out this wasn't the case.

[Pagan]

2). Japanese tourist: Where are cowboys and Indians?

Sorry, but you're a century too late for that.

Umm, Dallas and Inianapolis?

I thought we came in the "dry" season.
Aside from a few short weeks in July - we have no "dry season" we have three other seasons - "warm drizzle" "cold downpour" and for two brief days - "frozen drizzle" for which we have no snowplows so don't complain to us that everything is shut down for two days.

Ah, yes....people don't realize that New Mexico does have four seasons: Fall, Winter, Wind, and Fire!

Yeah, The Searchers is a great movie, but it was filmed in New Mexico. All those uge heards of cattle they talked about would have died there. And don't forget The Swarm. A refugee train is said to be an hour away from Houston and it's going through mountains. The nearest mountains are hundreds of miles away. The worst example I can think of is some movie where people are near Beaumont and it's all brushland. Huh? Where are the huge loblolly pines? Where are the thick stands of water oak? Where are the bayous?

-Bacopa

And there are no saguaros here! Wrong desert! We're upper Chihuahuan, those grown in the upper Sonoran in Arizona.

Some crazy Japanese/German tourist: "Who shot J.R?"

Me: "Ummm....I don't know. I wasn't even alive when that show was on. Piss off"

Kristin, and she thought she was it was Bobby.

And Jester, all I can say is, OUCH!! There's just no words for how much stupid was going on there! I do feel for ya, we get the same thing with damntourons in Santa Fe (and Albuquerque, to a lesser degree).

[Mark Healey]

do kangaroos hop down the main main streets of your cities?

Correct me if I'm wrong but don't they get pretty deep into the suburbs? I seem to remember something on TV about there being a drought in some part of Australia and the kangaroos were tearing up golf courses looking for water.

A Looooong time ago I visited Geraldton (A small town on the west coast) and a large number of normal family sedans had big ass reenforced front bumpers. I way told by the locals that Kangaroos are nocturnal and will jump into the road and really mess up your car.

Of course they could have been yanking my chain.

[Greenday]

Umm, Dallas and Inianapolis?

Don't you mean Dallas and Kansas City? Or we could do Cleveland too...

[Gurndigarn]

Originally Posted by Cosmic Cat
2). Japanese tourist: Where are cowboys and Indians?

Sorry, but you're a century too late for that.

Umm, Dallas and Inianapolis?

Dallas and Cleveland, actually.

[Hempress]

“When will the rain stop?”
“When will the sun come out?”
See above. Also ask yourself why you are asking the person serving you your burgers and beers for an expert meteorological opinion on an area notorious for unpredictable weather.

I forgot all about people asking these questions. At an amusement park, obviously sometimes you have to close some rides due to the weather, especially roller coasters when it rains. Water on the track...not a good idea, yes? If I was the one assigned to sit at the front of the line and let people know we're closed, invariably I'd have 2-3 conversations like this:

Me: Sorry sir/ma'am, you can't get on right now. We're closed due to inclement weather.
SC: When will you be re-opening?
Me: As soon as it stops raining.
SC: When will that be?
Me:

[friendofjimmyk]

*Raises paw* Some of those clueless ones are from up here. I apologize, I thought I turned on the electric fence.

I think these are the same people that move into developments built next to farmland and then complain that it smells like a farm.

That's funny! I've heard that before. Or, the ones that move into a development that is next to the highway and then complain about the noise!

[friendofjimmyk]

I was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio...the butt city of many jokes. When I moved to Dallas around age 24 - I heard a lot of crap...

Upon hearing my accent that I didn't know existed:

Texan: "Where you from?"
Me: "Cleveland."
Texan: "What part of Texas is that in?"

Hardy har har!

Then, some, upon finding out I'm from Cleveland...

Texan: "OH! Do you know Drew Carrey?"

Yeah, all of us have him on our speed dial, just a minute, I'll see if he wants to talk to you!

[Jack T. Chance]

Tourist Season!

This thread is reminding me of one of my favorite jokes:

If it's called "Tourist Season", why's it illegal to shoot them?

That joke, of course, inspired my brain to conjure up an imaginary Looney Tunes skit, along these lines...

B = Bugs Bunny
D = Daffy Duck
E = Elmer Fudd

As sometimes happens, Elmer Fudd was out hunting and caught Bugs & Daffy. Here's the conversation that resulted:

B: *pointing at Daffy* Duck Season!
E: *points shotgun at Daffy*
D: *pointing at bugs* Rabbit Season!
E: *points gun at Bugs*
B: *pointing at Daffy* Duck Season!
E: *points shotgun at Daffy*
D: *pointing at bugs* Rabbit Season!
E: *points gun at Bugs*
B: *Glances over shoulder and sees a small oriental man, dressed in the unmistakable garb of the tourist, taking pictures of the trio with his camera. Bugs points at him.* TOURIST SEASON!
D: *notices the man* Yeah, TOURIST SEASON!
E: *Hands Bugs & Daffy each a shotgun* TOURIST SEASON!
All 3 in unison: TOURIST SEASON! *All 3 cock their shotguns and start blasting away*
Tourist: *Runs for his life as buckshot goes whizzing by him*

[BrassCowboy]

Actually, if you want to talk about a Cowboy-Indian rivalry, it should be Dallas and Washington DC (Redskins). That is more intense than the Cowboys-Cheifs rivalry.

So Kristen shot JR? I'll remember that next time someone asks.

[jb17kx]

Correct me if I'm wrong but don't they get pretty deep into the suburbs? I seem to remember something on TV about there being a drought in some part of Australia and the kangaroos were tearing up golf courses looking for water.

True. Happens here in Canberra. We have to cull the things every now and again.

A Looooong time ago I visited Geraldton (A small town on the west coast) and a large number of normal family sedans had big ass reenforced front bumpers. I way told by the locals that Kangaroos are nocturnal and will jump into the road and really mess up your car.

Also true. Kangaroos aren't exactly nocturnal, but they do have an intense desire to traverse public roads under cover of darkness. They will mess up anything short of a tank. People are killed in collisions with kangaroos. That's why you see in many parts of sub-metropolitan Australia all sort of cars, trucks, buses, fitted with bullbars.

Incidentally, kangaroo meat is very nice...

[protege]

I was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio...the butt city of many jokes.

Ah Cleveland...the Mistake by the Lake, the place where rivers burn, etc...

All kidding aside, I enjoyed my time up in Cleveland last year. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is simply awesome. I found getting around the city to be easy. Of course that's if there isn't a sporting event letting out at the same time There's still a healthy football rivalry with the Pittsburgh Steelers....even though our team currently sucks.

BTW, my dad's side of the family is originally from Cleveland. East Cleveland, actually. They left when Grandpa's sales route got transferred to Pittsburgh in the mid-to-late-1950s. Some relatives still live up that way. The last time I was up there, was when Grandpa was buried in 2001.