Forgive my saying, but that's a dumb reason to have a kid

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Girl I know apparently decided to go off her birth control so her boyfriend would get her pregnant because she felt that's what it would take to...

wait for it...

...get him to marry her.

Yep, that's right. They've been dating awhile but he's never popped the question. She somehow got it in her head that a kid would change all that. Sadly she seems to be mistaken. She is due in January and the guy still hasn't proposed. To his credit though he appears to be planning to stay with her for the foreseeable future. We'll see how this pans out.

[csquared]

Makes me wonder if he would change his mind if he knew it wasn't an "accident". That is, change his mind about staying.

[cashierbex]

Have they even discussed marriage at all?

[KiaKat]

Mine never popped the question. He made references to being married, but never actually did the whole proposal thing. Rather, one day, I turned to him and said "hey, this is permanent, maybe we should set a date?"

No pregnancy needed.

[Merriweather]

Girl I know apparently decided to go off her birth control so her boyfriend would get her pregnant because she felt that's what it would take to...

wait for it...

...get him to marry her.

Yep, that's right. They've been dating awhile but he's never popped the question. She somehow got it in her head that a kid would change all that. Sadly she seems to be mistaken. She is due in January and the guy still hasn't proposed. To his credit though he appears to be planning to stay with her for the foreseeable future. We'll see how this pans out.

Had a niece who did that - well, actually first, she got pregnant cause they both (assumedly him too) wanted to get married, only she was underage, and her mom refused to give permission. She thought her mom would sign the papers to marry underage if she were pregnant. Didn't work, her mom still said no. So later (after the child was born), boyfriend was making signs of wanting to end the relationship, so this time, niece gets pregnant to try to keep him with her. That didn't work either. And my sister ended up raising the two kids most of their lives (niece did later meet another guy - his parents raised the two kids they had). As a relative of mine once said, the only reason our family hasn't ended up on Jerry Springer is that no one would believe the storylines weren't scripted.....

[AnaKhouri]

There is only ONE good reason to have a kid. Only ONE.

And that is not it.

(the reason is because you want a kid and want to take of it and give it a good life)

[MoonCat]

Human beings. Repeating the same mistakes throughout history, since time began.

[hinakiba777]

If your man doesn't propose to you, there is a very easy solution. PROPOSE TO HIM!
But Hina, they will say, it isn't the woman's job to make the proposal. Well, traditionally the woman's job is to cook and make ba....

AH! Okay, yeah I see how one could think pregnency equals marriage.

[Amethyst Hunter]

We'll see how this pans out.

Magic 8-Ball says: I Wouldn't Count On It.

[taxguykarl]

Magic 8-Ball says: I Wouldn't Count On It.

Common sense says not to count on it!!!!

[Aethian]

You know its the thoughts like those that make it harder for those who actually do find out their pregnant after a break up.

[Gizmo]

You met my cousin! 1st kid to keep him, 1st mortgage to keep him there, 2nd kid to keep him again and a bigger mortgage/new house to keep him again. Then they got married using a family illness as leverage to convince him. Then she was trying for another kid "to give him a chance" and he snuck off and got a vasectomy without telling her.

(Which one do you think I have more sympathy for now its not going well? yeah, not hard to work out huh?)

[scary cary]

That is very sad. Once the child is born- whether or not he asks her to marry him- she will probably use the kid as leverage to try and get him to do what she wants. Why do girls do this to themselves?

[Amethyst Hunter]

Why do girls do this to themselves?

Two words: patriarchal culture. It pretty much sets up women and men for failure all around and makes everybody miserable with unrealistic expectations.

The worst part is, it's so ingrained (we're talking centuries) that unless you're really sensitive to it, or have trained how to spot how subtle some of the cues are, 99% of the time people will never realize just how much of their social behavior and how it pertains to the opposite sex is dictated by these cultural "norms."

The good news is that it can be overcome - but the bad news is, it usually takes a helluva long time for that reform to take over, and the regressive/repressive attitudes always like to make a vicious comeback whenever possible (which is what we're currently seeing in certain areas).

Kids in that kind of situation are going to pick up on the circumstances of their existence sooner or later, and if the only reason the kid is there is to serve as a 'bait' for someone else, that's just a recipe for disaster.

[Dave1982]

Aaaand we're done here.

This thread was going ok at first but it's taken a sharp left into Fratching.