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If any of you are friends with me on facebook, you've probably already seen most of this, but I need to vent.
I should be doing deep cleaning on "my" house (yeah, mine, which explains why my name is not on the deed, even with the owners being family, it has been really nice making them wealthy while I get to occupy a house) for the annual inspection, but right now I'm having trouble getting motivated to do anything but cry.
I love the house I'm in, as in the house itself... and the owner is willing to negotiate a lease to own option... but when I say I love the house, there is a disclaimer *but I'd love it more if it was in a better neighborhood. The neighborhood I'm in is dying, in many meanings of the word. The average age here is "graduated with Methusala", the homes aren't being maintained as well, we all know that a large portion of the subdivision is going to be immanent domained in a few years to build a new highway (most likely the house I'm in won't be affected, you know, beyond now being right next to a highway), and frankly we are at the intersection of middle and nowhere, there will never be mixed use development in the area, there will never be high enough population density for the transit authority to extend transit services out here, we will always be car dependent, so every time gas prices go up, our property values go down. The school zoning is horrible, the elementary school that is currently zoned is massively overcrowded, the school they want to rezone to isn't even in the same valley... the school has decent test scores, but with the areas that it mostly pulls students from, I'd fear for the safety of children of a same sex couple, the middle school is still so new that it doesn't have data on the test scores and the high school is mediocre at best. And as the property values continue to drop in this area as gentrification continues (because it will, my generation and younger find the suburbs to be oppressively boring and inconvenient and a massive waste of money on commute as fuel prices continue to rise with no indication that it will ever stop).
The problem is that I am stuck here, I will probably end up doing lease to own, because it is my only option. Right now I can't afford anything other than a short sale, and now that the economy is getting better (ironically a requirement of me even being able to afford a short sale), short sales are getting increasingly harder to find. The housing market is literally improving faster than I can save money, and it will be years before I can consider looking for a better paying job (raises where I work now are few and far between, I love the job, it is a great company and they pay well, but the rule of thumb is plan on cost of living raises at best). I need years, because without years of experience, no one will touch you, I only got the job I have now because I am grossly over educated for it. My husband may be able to move up some at his company, but not much (he works in packaging at a manufacturing company, he may be able to move up to QA or a lead, but that isn't much of a pay raise). There were a few places that seemed far too good to be true, they would have all required a lot of sweet equity, but I'm willing to do that, but they all had offers put onto them before I could get pre-qualified, and now there are literally no short sales coming on the market, none, zero, in the last month, not a single short sale (at least not any that aren't in areas even worse than where I am now), I missed my window of opportunity and the downside of the economy improving is that the likelihood of that window ever opening again is decreasing as every day passes that another one doesn't get listed. I know I could try my luck on one of the public auctions, but you don't even get to see the inside of the house before those, that is far too much risk for me to take.
So, here I am, sitting trying to get myself to care about this house that isn't mine, and I really don't want to be (which I hate to say, it used to be my grandma's house, and I wish that it wasn't in a dying neighborhood, I would give anything I could to not condemn her home to the slow decay of the American suburbs) because I know that I have no other choice but to impress the landlord because I'm never going anywhere. I know I need to do it, but knowing I need to do it only makes me more depressed and want to do it even less.
And, just to make things worse, it would be one thing if I was just leasing my home, I know a lot of people do that, even a lot of wealthy people (granted, the wealthy people who lease rather than own are mostly stupid people who only got their money by inheriting it), but I literally have nothing of value to my name, and in the most humiliating way possible. I lease my home from a family trust that my mother is 1/3 owner of. Both of my cars are leased from my mother. My kitchen appliances (that didn't come with the house) were gifts from my mother. My bed and furniture in the house are either things that my mother was going to get rid of anyway and let me take or were gifts from her. My computer, a gift to help with school. My PS3 was a Christmas gift from my mother. The only things in this home that were gifts from or leased to me by my mother are the food we have, the cleaning supplies we have, one TV that I bought, another that I won in a contest, and the light bulbs... I'd say our clothes, but half of that was gifts too. There is quite nothing of value that I can claim to be my own, and while I appreciate the help my mom gave me, I know that when she is 80, she will damn the day she gave birth to me and made her feel obligated to help me by the very act of being born.
It is humiliating that in 6 months I will be turning 28, and every shred of evidence will show me to be a pathetic mammas boy who never made anything for himself. Even my college degree was mostly paid for either by taxpayers or her help. Damnit, I just want something to be mine. I want something that I can say "I earned that." I want to finally become a god damned adult rather than an overgrown child. And right now, it's looking like as I approach my 29th birthday, I'll still be waiting for that day to come.
I should be doing deep cleaning on "my" house (yeah, mine, which explains why my name is not on the deed, even with the owners being family, it has been really nice making them wealthy while I get to occupy a house) for the annual inspection, but right now I'm having trouble getting motivated to do anything but cry.
I love the house I'm in, as in the house itself... and the owner is willing to negotiate a lease to own option... but when I say I love the house, there is a disclaimer *but I'd love it more if it was in a better neighborhood. The neighborhood I'm in is dying, in many meanings of the word. The average age here is "graduated with Methusala", the homes aren't being maintained as well, we all know that a large portion of the subdivision is going to be immanent domained in a few years to build a new highway (most likely the house I'm in won't be affected, you know, beyond now being right next to a highway), and frankly we are at the intersection of middle and nowhere, there will never be mixed use development in the area, there will never be high enough population density for the transit authority to extend transit services out here, we will always be car dependent, so every time gas prices go up, our property values go down. The school zoning is horrible, the elementary school that is currently zoned is massively overcrowded, the school they want to rezone to isn't even in the same valley... the school has decent test scores, but with the areas that it mostly pulls students from, I'd fear for the safety of children of a same sex couple, the middle school is still so new that it doesn't have data on the test scores and the high school is mediocre at best. And as the property values continue to drop in this area as gentrification continues (because it will, my generation and younger find the suburbs to be oppressively boring and inconvenient and a massive waste of money on commute as fuel prices continue to rise with no indication that it will ever stop).
The problem is that I am stuck here, I will probably end up doing lease to own, because it is my only option. Right now I can't afford anything other than a short sale, and now that the economy is getting better (ironically a requirement of me even being able to afford a short sale), short sales are getting increasingly harder to find. The housing market is literally improving faster than I can save money, and it will be years before I can consider looking for a better paying job (raises where I work now are few and far between, I love the job, it is a great company and they pay well, but the rule of thumb is plan on cost of living raises at best). I need years, because without years of experience, no one will touch you, I only got the job I have now because I am grossly over educated for it. My husband may be able to move up some at his company, but not much (he works in packaging at a manufacturing company, he may be able to move up to QA or a lead, but that isn't much of a pay raise). There were a few places that seemed far too good to be true, they would have all required a lot of sweet equity, but I'm willing to do that, but they all had offers put onto them before I could get pre-qualified, and now there are literally no short sales coming on the market, none, zero, in the last month, not a single short sale (at least not any that aren't in areas even worse than where I am now), I missed my window of opportunity and the downside of the economy improving is that the likelihood of that window ever opening again is decreasing as every day passes that another one doesn't get listed. I know I could try my luck on one of the public auctions, but you don't even get to see the inside of the house before those, that is far too much risk for me to take.
So, here I am, sitting trying to get myself to care about this house that isn't mine, and I really don't want to be (which I hate to say, it used to be my grandma's house, and I wish that it wasn't in a dying neighborhood, I would give anything I could to not condemn her home to the slow decay of the American suburbs) because I know that I have no other choice but to impress the landlord because I'm never going anywhere. I know I need to do it, but knowing I need to do it only makes me more depressed and want to do it even less.
And, just to make things worse, it would be one thing if I was just leasing my home, I know a lot of people do that, even a lot of wealthy people (granted, the wealthy people who lease rather than own are mostly stupid people who only got their money by inheriting it), but I literally have nothing of value to my name, and in the most humiliating way possible. I lease my home from a family trust that my mother is 1/3 owner of. Both of my cars are leased from my mother. My kitchen appliances (that didn't come with the house) were gifts from my mother. My bed and furniture in the house are either things that my mother was going to get rid of anyway and let me take or were gifts from her. My computer, a gift to help with school. My PS3 was a Christmas gift from my mother. The only things in this home that were gifts from or leased to me by my mother are the food we have, the cleaning supplies we have, one TV that I bought, another that I won in a contest, and the light bulbs... I'd say our clothes, but half of that was gifts too. There is quite nothing of value that I can claim to be my own, and while I appreciate the help my mom gave me, I know that when she is 80, she will damn the day she gave birth to me and made her feel obligated to help me by the very act of being born.
It is humiliating that in 6 months I will be turning 28, and every shred of evidence will show me to be a pathetic mammas boy who never made anything for himself. Even my college degree was mostly paid for either by taxpayers or her help. Damnit, I just want something to be mine. I want something that I can say "I earned that." I want to finally become a god damned adult rather than an overgrown child. And right now, it's looking like as I approach my 29th birthday, I'll still be waiting for that day to come.
Just keep looking for the opportunities you can, right?
do what you have to do so you have a roof and job, then make time to be happy. You'll be fine. I wish I could have bought a bigger house in a nicer neighbourhood, but the trials and steps I took to make this my home is my way of creating my own unique under dog story to tell my grand children some day 
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