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The Ballad of Huffbob Shitpants (NSFW and Earworm Warning)
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Old 09-01-2018, 02:31 PM
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TheWolfEmperor TheWolfEmperor is offline
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Default The Ballad of Huffbob Shitpants (NSFW and Earworm Warning)

I had just punched out for lunch and I went into the bathroom. As I was washing my hands, someone in the handicap stall started laughing and jumping up and down and banging against the wall and doors.

One of my coworkers came out of another stall and I silently gestured to see if he had a walkie. He summoned the pantheon of management and even though I was off the clock, I stood outside the restrooms with him to make sure the customers knew that a big bowl of bat shit crazy flakes was happening in there.

Management and LP showed up and the came out of the restrooms and sprinted out onto the store. The rest of the story I heard in snippets and pieces. To make a long story short, he was a huffing propellants in the men's room. The fun fact is he wasn't just huffing one can of whipped cream, he huffing several cans of that and the stuff you use to get dust out of your keyboard. And even better, he was doing this on the floor in full view of customers.

Our LP guy was just keeping an eye on him to see that he didn't get violent. But of course customers being customers, everyone had to make a comment and act like they noticed him doing this, which only increased the risk that he would react violently. And our plain clothes LP was hard pressed to ask them to knock it off. He was as annoyed as I've ever seen him.

For my own part, I spent much of the evening comprising this little ditty.

Are you ready kids?
Aye, Aye captain!

Ooooooh
Who huffs the cans of the store brand whipped cream?
Huffbob Shitpants!

Loud and scary and running from pink fleas!
Huffbob Shitpants!

Please ignore him as he may fuck you up
Huffbob Shitpants!

Is it really worth the Facebook Thumbs Up?
Huffbob Shitpants!

If fifteen minutes be something you need
Huffbob Shitpants!

Then pose for Youtube in the pants that you peed

Huffbob Shitpants!
Huffbob Shitpants
Huffbob Shitpants
Huffbooooooob Shitpaaaaants!
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  #2  
Old 09-01-2018, 03:01 PM
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Rosco the Iroc Rosco the Iroc is offline
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That duster stuff is second to gold paint and the newbies do the whipping cans.
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Old 09-03-2018, 06:59 AM
LadyofArc LadyofArc is offline
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Quote:
Quoth TheWolfEmperor View Post

For my own part, I spent much of the evening comprising this little ditty.

<Snippity snip snip>
Damn you, I actually started singing THOSE lyrics as well!
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  #4  
Old 09-04-2018, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
Quoth LadyofArc View Post
Damn you, I actually started singing THOSE lyrics as well!
If I've changed one mind I've changed the world.
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