Way to take over my vacation plans, Mom... (ranty)

[MaggieTheCat]

Background: I was born and raised in Wisconsin, but when I was 25 I moved to Texas to be with my now-husband. I've been back to Wisconsin once since then, a few months after I moved, but that was almost 3 years ago. /bg

My friends and family have been bugging me for a year about when am I going to come back to visit. I am not really attached to Wisconsin at all. I do have family up there (my parents and both of my brothers) but I am in no hurry to see any of them. I talk to them on the phone pretty regularly and that's enough for me. However I do want to go back sometime this year, for a short visit. My husband and I had talked about going for a long weekend sometime this summer, possibly Fri-Mon; that would be long enough for us. Then we talked about going longer and driving up to Michigan to stay at an off-season ski resort for a few days. We have stayed at one in the past and it's very nice, and affordable when rented in the summer. It would be like a vacation during our vacation, which honestly makes me much more eager to go in the first place, as I'm not looking forward to seeing my family all that much. Plus, we have not had a proper vacation together since before we got married; we take time off from work, but we haven't gone anywhere on an honest vacation just for the two of us. Either we've gone out of town for some event that I'm vending at, or to see friends or family, which is all well and good, but a vacation for just the two of us is something we haven't done in a while and would be nice.

Well, I told this to my mom since we have started making preliminary plans (talking about dates and looking at rental units at the ski resort, etc.) Then she got the brilliant idea to rent the biggest condo on the ski resort, which my family did once before about 15 years ago and had a family reunion there, and have another family reunion, inviting my brothers and cousins and their families to stay for 3 nights.

This...this is not really what I want, at all. I think it would be fun for about 3 hours, and then my husband and I would get annoyed with my family (and they would all get annoyed with each other, since that's what they do) and it would just not be a fun vacation at all. We wanted to go to the resort to get AWAY from my family for a few days and have some time to ourselves, not to all be under one roof with 15 other people constantly.

I'm not really looking for advice, as we'll probably tell her at some point that this was not what we had in mind and that we're not interested in participating, although it will probably devastate her to hear that. I mostly just wanted to vent. She sorta stole my idea, as she never would have thought to rent the big condo if I hadn't mentioned my husband's and my interest in going to the ski resort in the first place.

[CorneliaMarieRocks]

My mom tried to pull sorta the same thing on me once. /bg My folks are divorced & my mom had moved to Georgia from Texas with my step-dad as his job was there. /end bg

Anyhow, every year in the summer time, she would fly me out to visit for 2 weeks. Well, one year she called me about a week before I was to leave & informed me that my grandmother (her mom who at the time was still living in TX) wasn't doing well & that when my plane landed in GA, my mom, myself & the 2 dogs were gonna drive from GA back to TX to spend a couple of days with my grandmother.

Well, needless to say I was VERY upset, in fact by the time we got off the phone I was fighting tears. It wasn't that I didn't want to see my grandmother because I did, but I only got to see my mom & step-dad once a year due to work. After we hung up I burst into tears & a minute or two later the phone rang again, mom had noticed I didn't seem enthused with the idea & I explained the above (about limited vacay time etc) so she said we didn't have to go, it was just an idea. I was soo thankful she didn't go with her original idea which was to not inform me of this until I GOT TO Ga which would've sucked

Good luck with everything hon, I hope your mom turns out to be as understanding as mine was *hugs*

Kris

[Slayer]

Argh. I hate when that happens. They mean well, I hope, but that still doesn't help.

On the bright side, sounds like you're only subjected to family reunion time for three days? One day less than original.

Are they sticking around after those three days? Or everyone goes along their merry way? If they leave, you'd still get your alone time even it's at the same place as the reunion was.

[csquared]

You want you and hubby time.
Mom wants a reunion.

Can you try a little bit of both?

Tell Mom what and how many days you can stay for the reunion. Then, either before or after (I am leaning toward after so you can unwind), book a stay at a different ski resort. Or maybe there is an interesting place you would like to stay between Michigan/Wisconsin and Texas.

I am sure that I don't have to say this, but... Don't tell your Mom about the rest of your plans.

Darn! I forgot. You want to visit your friends. That is what got this started. Similar plan, visit friends, give Mom only one day, then head to the other resort?

[MaggieTheCat]

Well, my mom called again today and said we don't have to do the big get-together at the ski resort if it would be "too uncomfortable" for us. I think she probably got the (correct) impression from me last night on the phone that I wasn't thrilled with the idea, plus she knows that my husband gets pretty uncomfortable around big groups of people, especially people he doesn't know (and he hasn't met my cousins and doesn't know my brothers too well.) I told her that it does sound like fun but maybe this wasn't the right time for it, and that we can still have a big family get together, just not for 2-3 days. Our original plan was to have a big lunch/dinner and get everyone together for several hours one afternoon/evening, which I think would go much better for everyone involved.

So, crisis averted...for now, until she comes up with some other brilliant idea...

[Slayer]

That's good news! I'm glad she was intuitive enough to notice how not-happy you were with the idea and that she took it well.

[blas]

And you come visit me while you're there? It's only a few hours away from your hometown

[MaggieTheCat]

Blas, yeah! We should definitely try to arrange a meetup while we're in the area. I'll let you know when I have the dates pinned down.

[Jester]

It looks like you've averted the crisis, but I was going to suggest a compromise that would have worked somewhat well for everyone. That being that you let your mom do the big shindig for the 2-3 days, then when all of them leave, you and the hubster get a smaller place at said ski resort for however many days and enjoy each other's company and unwind from the reunion and life in general.

Just a thought.