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  • Tech Support Customer Oneliners

    While waiting for the wonderful techies at my university to figure out why my PowerBook wouldn't log on to their network, I heard these gems come out of the mouths of some of the other customers there getting their laptops worked on:

    1) "Can't I just download a copy off the internet?" (mostly in reference to MS Office)

    2) "Can't I just use my friend's registration code? He gave me the program discs." Often followed up by "Oh, okay, then I'll just download a crack from the internet."

    3) "Operating system? It's Internet Explorer (or Microsoft, or PC, or Office, or Dell, take your pick)."

    3a) "Operating system? My dad built the laptop, so how should I know?"

    4) "How could I get a virus from Limewire?" similarly "How could I get a virus from filesharing?"

    5) "You have to reformat the hard drive to get rid of the virus?!? I'll lose everything I didn't have backed-up? You can't! I'm not friends with the person who gave me all my music anymore!" (also heard something similar said about programs)

    6) "What do you mean the trial period is over and I have to buy Office if I'm going to use it? It's already installed on my computer!"

    7) "What do you mean the battery's dead. Isn't it supposed to last for at least a year?"

    Most of these I heard more than once while I was there. I was amazed at the patience of the techies as they explained the same basic computing procedures again and again and again. It's too bad, but I don't think they really got through to some of the people about the illegality of pirating software.
    Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

  • #2
    Quoth EvilEmpryss View Post
    1) "Can't I just download a copy off the internet?" (mostly in reference to MS Office)
    Technically once you paid for a license you can download the install file from a website that M$ set up. Unless of course this (L)user was talking about pirating it....

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    • #3
      Most of the ones I heard were talking about torrent sites. Serious pirating for most, though I think one of the people was referring to Windows 7 since she didn't have any of the discs that came with her laptop.

      I like the term (l)user... I'll have to remember that one!
      Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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      • #4
        One I got

        After subscriber said her computer was 2 years old.

        "My computer is an e-machine it will never go out of date" <click>
        Just sliding down the razor blade of life.

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        • #5
          And that's just a taste of what we deal with.

          After the 146th time telling someone "your initial password is 'password'," well, tech support no longer looks so glamorous...
          I will not be pushed, stamped, filed, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. My life is my own. --#6

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          • #6
            Quoth Captain Trips View Post
            And that's just a taste of what we deal with.

            After the 146th time telling someone "your initial password is 'password'," well, tech support no longer looks so glamorous...
            Tell me about it. One of our reset passwords is 'sunshine'...the joke fell flat after about three users.
            I speak English, L33t, Sarcasm and basic Idiot.

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            • #7
              Quoth EvilEmpryss View Post
              6) "What do you mean the trial period is over and I have to buy Office if I'm going to use it? It's already installed on my computer!"
              My god. If I had a dollar for every time I've been asked this question or something similar... I could buy a copy of Office.

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              • #8
                I had a apartment mate who had a friend use some file sharing site to download Win 7, Office 07 and a bunch of other stuff. Not to worry, their friend was "expert," such a expert that they did it at home because they knew the network was massed up for blocking P2P.

                Well soon after their PC slowed to a crawl due to the junk from the download. Well eventually IT notices the crap coming from the PC and blocked it from the network. They bring it to IT to fix the virus, but once they notice it is all pirated software they won't touch it.

                The ironic part, the school has a deal with MS and other major companies where you can get software dirt cheap. Office 2003 is free, Office 2007/1010 and Win 7 are about $15 each, and if you want you can use them for life.

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                • #9
                  Quoth mattm04 View Post
                  The ironic part, the school has a deal with MS and other major companies where you can get software dirt cheap. Office 2003 is free, Office 2007/1010 and Win 7 are about $15 each, and if you want you can use them for life.
                  I love that part, i mean why pirate when its so cheap to get the same through legal means?

                  on that note I'd like to get a copy of win 7 for that price, but I assume your school has restrictions on it so i'd not be able to get a copy :-(
                  "You can only try so hard to look like you are working before actually doing your work seems easy in comparison" -My Boss

                  CW: So what exactly do you do in retentions?
                  Me: ummm, I ....retent stuff?

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Darkforge View Post
                    on that note I'd like to get a copy of win 7 for that price, but I assume your school has restrictions on it so i'd not be able to get a copy :-(
                    Ditto! I'm planning on getting a new laptop soon that will run Parallels, but I still need Windows. Does it help that I'm a student, even if not at your school?
                    Sorry, my cow died so I don't need your bull

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                    • #11
                      MS offers most of their programmes really cheaply to students. Especially if you have a decent CS department. For some reason they don't like it when some student hacks together a beautiful script to install a pirated copy for anyone who asks them for it. Especially when the illegal script works better than the official version does. (Fixed typos or what not).

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                      • #12
                        I hated having the "why you shouldn't pirate software" discussion. When I ran my business, I kept copies of Knoppix, OpenOffice, and a few other freeware replacements for <insert overpriced software> on hand. That way, when the customer demanded I help them install their 100% legal copy of WinXP (This was several years ago) they had on a handy CDR from a friend, I'd hand them a copy of Ubuntu and offer to walk them through installing.

                        Most actually took my suggestion, but I got a few who got annoying, including one who threw the CDR at me for daring suggest I install "some virus" on his system...the same one I had to clean viruses off of monthly from his favorite NSFW websites...I refused to help him after that.
                        Coworker: Distro of choice?
                        Me: Gentoo.
                        Coworker: Ahh. A Masochist. I thought so.

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                        • #13
                          For students, check out Journeyed.com. Not hugely discounted, but discounted nonetheless.
                          SC: “Yeah, Bob’s Company. I'm Bob. It's my company.” - GK
                          SuperHotelWorker made my Avi!!

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Magpie View Post
                            MS offers most of their programmes really cheaply to students. Especially if you have a decent CS department. For some reason they don't like it when some student hacks together a beautiful script to install a pirated copy for anyone who asks them for it. Especially when the illegal script works better than the official version does. (Fixed typos or what not).
                            The IT department had a program for Windows, Office, a few Adobe titles and other software that was necessary for everyone but the CS dept. CS maintained their own for any software needed for any of the programs offered.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth drunkenwildmage View Post
                              One I got

                              After subscriber said her computer was 2 years old.

                              "My computer is an e-machine it will never go out of date" <click>
                              To be fair, shortly before the Acer acquisition, eMachines was selling their machines under the billing of "THIS COMPUTER IS NEVER OUT OF DATE", complete with a tacky decal on the front of the machine. I had one such system. The idea is they'd basically upgrade that computer for you if you subscribed to this service. It didn't really work out, and they were bought wholesale by Acer shortly thereafter.

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