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Things I am not allowed to do at work.

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  • Quoth fireheart17 View Post
    I don't get it.
    Styrofoam dissolves in gasoline quite readily. Don't try it at home.

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    • -Not allowed to ride the server lift. Even if it's nifty, and automated, none of the admins weigh less than the weight limit of 170lb, even if one of us is.
      -Not allowed to drag annoying servers behind your car on the interstate.
      -But one server is fine.
      -Not allowed to remove employee permissions for doing something stupid on the network.
      -"They were promoted to customer" is not an acceptable excuse either. (Promoted to customer is a long standing internal joke, used on newbie techs who have screwed something up.)
      -Not allowed to play with the remote controlled automated cameras mounted in the ceiling on the support floor.
      -Following techs with the camera is creepy and big brother ish. don't do that!
      -Upper management is not to be followed with the camera either.
      Coworker: Distro of choice?
      Me: Gentoo.
      Coworker: Ahh. A Masochist. I thought so.

      Comment


      • There shall be no singing of these gems while we're closed:

        -The Penis Song.
        -Every Sperm is Sacred.
        -the Camelot Song.

        While we're open, I am also not allowed to sing:

        -The Lumberjack song.

        I am not allowed to re-enact monologues from Blackadder IV.
        I am not allowed to re-enact the Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook sketch with a coworker.
        Even if there aren't any actual swear words in it.
        The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

        Now queen of USSR-Land...

        Comment


        • Quoth fireheart17 View Post

          I am not allowed to re-enact monologues from Blackadder IV.
          Oh, now that's taking things too far!
          "For the love of all that is holy and 4 things that aren’t but feel pretty good anyway" ~ Gravekeeper

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          • Quoth Plank View Post
            other suggestions to 'avoid':

            * pleb
            * expendable sack of carbon
            * underling
            * punch bag
            * room humidifier
            * doorstop
            * abuse recepticle
            * miscellaneous meat
            I on the other hand, am allowed to refer to myself as a 'minion' becauuse my boss thinks its hilarious and i've expressed how much more i like being a minion than a csr 'because its cooler and more fun' ^_^

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            • I am not allowed to bring out the sticky brain onto the floor.
              If I do, it is to be in my pocket.
              No going past my coworkers, shaking the sticky brain at them and going "BRAAAIIINNNSSS"
              I am not allowed to make a top hat for the brain.
              The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

              Now queen of USSR-Land...

              Comment


              • k. I must ask. Sticky brain?
                Coworker: Distro of choice?
                Me: Gentoo.
                Coworker: Ahh. A Masochist. I thought so.

                Comment


                • Quoth Midorikawa View Post
                  k. I must ask. Sticky brain?
                  A leftover toy from one of the magazines we have. When we get the new issue in, the old ones have the front cover ripped off and we're allowed to keep any of the free gifts excepting food.
                  The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                  Now queen of USSR-Land...

                  Comment


                  • I want a sticky brain!!!!

                    Seriously, it would totally gross my coworkers out. They're already grossed out by the gummi brains I brought in once as a snack.
                    "Eventually, everything that you have said becomes everything you will ever say." Eireann

                    My pony dolls: http://equestriarags.tumblr.com

                    Comment


                    • ahhh with the newer job comes a new list:


                      I am not allowed to throw random chemical powders into a flask and call it "mixed media"

                      I am not allowed to accept bribes to make media for certain techs quicker

                      I am not allowed to make certain techs wait until the end of the day for their media because they refused to bribe me.

                      while I can wear a tinfoil tiara-the matching scepter is right out...

                      I cannot announce "the media department is now self-service" at any time...

                      I cannot wear pipettes in my hair, ditto test tubes...though an ink pen is fine...

                      I cannot autoclave an entire roll of autoclave tape to "save time"

                      petri dishes are NOT frisbees, nor are they checkers-even if the floor tiles are a checkerboard pattern.

                      XLD agar is not "cherry jello" and Hektoen Enteric agar is not mint flavored.

                      media bottles fresh from the autoclave are not "handwarmers"

                      being in the way of managers is not in my job description.

                      there is no "secret password" required to enter the media department

                      Stop making forts

                      I am not "part of the tour"

                      do not name the mold colonies growing on the petri dishes, and if I must do not write their names on the petri dish....

                      I am not allowed to "liberate the spores"

                      I am not a "superhero" when I turn my apron around so it's a cape

                      pipettes are not "light sabers"

                      I am not in a zombie film

                      the door in the autoclave room does not lead to Narnia

                      stamping "copy" on myself does not make me my clone

                      autoclave one does not "thirst for human flesh"

                      hugging/poking the agarmatic is fine-threatening it with a crowbar is not.

                      the blue nitrile gloves are not made by skinning smurfs

                      the 15ml disposable beakers are not "shot glasses"



                      It's been a fun two years....
                      Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

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                      • Not allowed to rickroll any one.
                        Last edited by werewolffan98; 03-21-2010, 04:30 AM.

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                        • This is actually a "Things I AM Allowed To Do At Work" and this comes courtesy of the head supervisor today. Like all of the front end management, she has a spine.

                          I am allowed to swear at the groceries manager if he starts singing.
                          I am allowed to swear at the produce 2IC.
                          The produce 2IC is not scary.
                          The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                          Now queen of USSR-Land...

                          Comment


                          • New one from yesterday....

                            -While the fact that I am keeping my hands busy is appreciated, under no circumstances am I to make a rubber band ball from leftover rubber bands
                            The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                            Now queen of USSR-Land...

                            Comment


                            • What's a 2IC? Sounds very military-esque.

                              -Making a cross with my index fingers does not ward off my Commandant.

                              -I can't steal supplies from the university; even if they did it to us.

                              -I should stop showing people the "perfect" way to kill a person.

                              -If I donate the "unserviceable" uniform items to Goodwill, I can't get a tax receipt for myself.

                              Comment


                              • Quoth Hobbs View Post
                                What's a 2IC? Sounds very military-esque.
                                2IC=Second In Charge. We use those terms rather than assistant manager, since in every department there's a second and third in charge. (well most of the time anyway )

                                Also a couple more from yesterday as well that I forgot to add:

                                -I am not allowed to start singing Minchin's "I Love Jesus" song.
                                -Ditto for getting other people to join me.
                                -Under no circumstances, are any activities from Improv Everywhere to be mentioned while I'm serving people. (one of my coworkers is a guy who would actually attempt to do some of them-including the "no pants/underwear train ride")
                                -No wearing bunny ears.
                                -I am not allowed to throw the rubber band ball at people.
                                -No wishing customers a Happy Zombie Jesus day. (apologies to those who do celebrate Easter for religious reasons)
                                -Despite the fact that most of the easter stuff is getting donated and whatever is left over will be dumped, I am not allowed to smash or decapitate the Easter Bunnies.
                                -Or the Easter Bilbies.
                                The best professors are mad scientists! -Zoom

                                Now queen of USSR-Land...

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