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I HATE cheesy "team meetings"

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  • I HATE cheesy "team meetings"

    About a month ago, all employees at my company were required to attend a "team meeting".

    It was one of those things where they pack us into a room and we get to listen to some of the higher ups talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn't affect us much and maybe one or two things that do. These meetings are almost always one of the very few times out of the year we actually SEE the higher ups. Usually their communication with us is limited to emails or memos.

    Anyway, back to the meeting. I've been to a lot of these things and I see the same silly stuff every time, such as:

    - Corporate guys being introduced with theme music, like they are WWE wrestlers or something. One guy came out to Black Sabbath's "Crazy train", wow what an original choice.

    - Lame attempts to make jokes that fall completely flat. You're regional directors and vice presidents and COO's, NOT stand-up comedians. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but really, it's not working.

    - People who could give Ben Stein a serious run for his money in the boredom department. I completely understand the director of human resources may suck at giving a presentation, but surely there is someone else who could do a better job?
    Or even at the minimum have a second person up there with the director to try and make it more interesting.

    - Telling us how proud and awesome we should feel because we have the honor of working for the company.

    - Powerpoint slides that look like they were done by a 10th grader. Seriously, these people make a ton more money than I do and I could EASILY come up with a spiffier presentation than most of what I see at these meetings.

    I'm sure there are more, but that's all I'm remembering for now, I guess I ended up tuning a lot of it out.
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

  • #2
    I go for the free snacks and a nap if I can sit far enough in the back.

    The men in suits at my work make Ben Stein seem like Will Ferrel.
    You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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    • #3
      I do find the only people who tend to get excited about corporate meetings are corporate.

      Unfortunately, they think "let's make it a production and have fun," without actually having a real concept of fun. I honestly think they think things like those seminars are "hip" and "funky" and other outdated terms.

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      • #4
        I think they have some weird belief that it makes employees feel "special" and recognized and a part of the whole company (like, yeah, sure, whatever). Or they view them as pep rallys, trying to get the employees all enthused over selling stuff, that it helps morale in some way.

        Personally, I think that unless the employees are at a level where they truly are a part of the decision making process, they'll boost morale much better by simply ordering a few pizzas for an employee "lunch meeting" and giving a 3 minute "we appreciate you" speach (even if no one believes it, the pizzas are worth the 3 minutes).

        Madness takes it's toll....
        Please have exact change ready.

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        • #5
          The best way to show employee appreciation is to give them a little more on their paycheck.
          "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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          • #6
            That means sacrificing a little more on their paychecks. Think they wanna do that?
            You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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            • #7
              I was rather "happy" to see, last week at work, how few people actually participated in "Spirit Week". I myself did very little...last year I tried harder but I've just given up pretending that I care.

              Monday was Sports Day. Just like on the last Sports Day, I had zero sporting type clothing or equipment to wear...so I just wore regular clothes.

              Tuesday was Nerd Day. I happen to have a t-shirt from the Matt Smith/11th Doctor Who era that is a brown t-shirt with jacket lapels, a button down striped shirt, and a bow tie screen printed onto the front. I figured that was slightly nerdy.

              Wednesday was Crazy Hair Day. I've been getting up late and barely making it to work on time, so I figure my hair is bad enough.

              Thursday was Wear Green day...and also my day off I saved my green for Saturday.

              Friday was 80s Day. Now, I spent my adolescence and early adulthood throughout the 80s, so I've lived it...and even have a few genuine articles. Sadly, none of them are clothing and even if they were I've gained weight so they wouldn't fit if I tried. I did wear my high school class ring, class of 86, and some beads that I twisted together and wrapped around my neck as a choker. Once again, I got up late so doing anything with my hair was out of the question.

              We've had some dumb meetings this year which have to do with the takeover of our company by a big huge everybody-on-the-planet knows them company, and us switching over to their HR policies and such. I am so underwhelmed so far. Especially with the part about me not knowing, STILL, if I am going to have time off the first week of April to visit with my brother and his family while they're down here from Washington State. Doesn't seem to matter that I haven't seem them in 3 1/2 years. Just makes me a little bit too bitter to want to participate in any "let's all rejoice in our workplace" activities.
              "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

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              • #8
                Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post

                - Corporate guys being introduced with theme music, like they are WWE wrestlers or something. One guy came out to Black Sabbath's "Crazy train", wow what an original choice.
                This is probably an omen.

                Quoth Dilorenzo
                I do find the only people who tend to get excited about corporate meetings are corporate.
                You forgot about the corporate-toady employees, who think every idea dreamed up by corporate is a good one, and will probably laugh at their corny jokes like they're the funniest ones ever told. It almost like they think it moves them up the ladder or something.
                Last edited by Irving Patrick Freleigh; 03-23-2012, 09:21 AM.
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                • #9
                  Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                  You forgot about the corporate-toady employees, who think every idea dreamed up by corporate is a good one, and will probably laugh at their corny jokes like they're the funniest ones ever told. It almost like they think it moves them up the ladder or something.
                  Anybody else thinking Dwight from THE OFFICE?

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                  • #10
                    A long time ago I went to a job interview at the beginning of a work day when the employees were having their morning team meeting... with blaring music to introduce each team member, roaring and whooping and screaming from each person to introduce themselves, applause and whistling and shrieking from the rest of the team, high fives, the lot..... the girl I was supposed to be shadowing for the day came up to me, eyes shining, and said "you'll love it here! It's like this EVERY DAY!"

                    ... I left.

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                    • #11
                      The only thing exciting about meetings is being off the phones and if there's food.
                      I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
                      Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
                      Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                        You forgot about the corporate-toady employees, who think every idea dreamed up by corporate is a good one, and will probably laugh at their corny jokes like they're the funniest ones ever told. It almost like they think it moves them up the ladder or something.
                        The sad thing is I bet a lot of the time it actually does.

                        I just refuse to be that way. My integrity matters more.
                        "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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                        • #13
                          Yeah, that reminds me of how mostly everyone is sitting there, arms crossed (or asleep and bobbing their heads) and shaking their heads or rolling their eyes at the blatant smoke blowing, and idiots like the Brown Noser just lean more and more forward and look so happy to be there.

                          Hey, it had to have worked for someone. After all, extra hour picking is done in reverse seniority order to be "fair" now.
                          You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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                          • #14
                            Don't remind me. I got a meeting next week after having 3 others this past year. Some were cheesey. And the none cheesey ones just made me laugh so hard.

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                            • #15
                              We used to be pulled in to a quarterly business meeting which used to take a whole afternoon. We used to get food and booze on site just before leaving time and would cover a basic outline of the ongoing work of each section of the company.

                              These were bareable until a New Director joined and started putting in "team building" and "insight" exercises and trying to make us all feel happy clappy and warmfuzzies. (Like the list of instructions and the last instruction is to do only number 1. And this one: http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/...strow_illusion)

                              Then they had the bright idea of making it a whole day meeting and making one department set up an exercise for teams to do which shows how hard their job is to do. The first one was to set up a marketing advert (None of the rest of us know anything about marketing - just one person who did that job).

                              I got hugely told off (and sent home "ill") for flatly saying "a whole day? Firstly we are busy and doing overtime to get our work finished in time anyway. Secondly you are going to have a lot of bored people on your hands!"

                              We did the task and then we got marked down because we had the one employee who never does anything right and wandered off to do his own thing even though the rest of the team asked him not to. We also got marked down for using a cartoon as New Director hated them. (The rest of the advert however - the content - was fine!) If we'd been told that was an issue.. we wouldn't have!

                              Oh, and I had the director screaming at me during the two 10 minute breaks to get X out the door right now. Joy!
                              I am so SO glad I was not present for this. There would have been an unpleasant duct tape incident. - Joi

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