Way to push your shitty situation on me... *longer than i intended*

[Amina516]

My cousin is in a crappy living situation. Shes in her moms house (which she hates) due to financial difficulties. She has an upstairs bedroom. Her bf moved in with her, but since her parents are old school, they couldnt sleep together, so he took the basement and lived there. After a very short while of being at my aunts house, it ended up that his 2 kids (who arent his kids but he did raise them) came to live with them too. So, bf and his son lived in the basement together and his daughter was given a room on the 2nd floor with my cousin. The kids were 12 and 13 when they arrived. So my cousin was paying for the 4 of them to be there, but could rarely make that work, so my elderly aunt and ncle have been footing the bill for the extra people.

Now, the 2 kids are high school age so they both eventually got jobs to help with the bills. My cousin also works. Her bf, does not work and has held a job for about 6 months in the last 5 years. Theres nothing physically or mentally wrong with him. He can work, he just doesnt want to.

So fast forward, they stay in this situation for 2.5 years. My cousin finally has her breaking point and her and bf break up. But hes stays there. In her moms basement, b/c he has no where else to go. So, they give him a leave date coinciding with his sons high school graduation date. My cousin has said the kids can stay b/c they pay bills, also b/c they get along with the family. And indeed, neither of the kids want to live with their dad. But that starts a whole new set of issues.

So, anyways, her exBFs leave date comes and goes. Hes still in the basement with no job. He gets into an argument with his son and actually kicks his son out of the house. His son has since left and not been back. Now, his daughter (he doesnt have custody of her and she actually is not his daughter) is 17 years old and old enough to make her own decisions. Shes made it clear that shes not leaving the house with her dad. My cousin has been the only stable mother figure shes had and she;d like to stay.

He blows a gasket and they have the argument of the century. But hes still here, in the basement and jobless. (can i just add here, that hes not actively applying for a job. Hes kinda just waiting for someone to give him one, like a present.)

Fast forward again, up to last week. My cousin comes to visit me and after a while shes "nonchalantly" asks. "So, is your attic still empty?

I, sensing the impending trap say "Its storage right now, but why do you ask.?"

Cousin: "I was wondering something. Youre probably going to say no"

Me: *at this point im thinking shes going to ask to move in, so im mentally preparing a nice rejection, b/c i do love my cousin.* I probably will. But what is it?

cousin: I was wondering if you would let exBF move into your attic and i could pay you every week for him to be there and for his food and stuff.

My husband: Hell no! What? You cant kick him out of your house so you want to transplant him into ours? Why are you still trying to pay for him. <<that was unexpected so im trying to hold in my laughter.

Me: Cousin, i really dont think thats a good idea. You DO need to get him out of your moms basement, but no, he cant come here.

Cousin: Oh ok, just thought id try. *giggle*

I was kinda pissed about that. Not only is she trying to foist him off onto MY family, but shes also offering to pay for him which is why HES STILL IN HER MOMS HOUSE!!! No one is making him take responsibility for himself or his children. Ugh. I was a little miffed that cousin thought that was even a freaking option. Before anyone says, Ive had very frank discussions regarding exBF and truly, they fall on deaf ears.

[auntiem]

I feel so sorry for the kids - but it sounds like they learned how pay their way dispite their "father's" example. If you allow anyone to stay in the attic - I would say the son. I'll bet you $100 the fight that got him kicked out by the one person in the house who had no right to do so was over his "father" being a mooch.

Is there no one to go after for child support - or was that a can of worms they didn't open because he didn't have custody?

I'd say, lure exBF out of the house and change all the locks, put his stuff on the porch and be done with it. It sounds like the only person to sneak him back in the house would be your cousin and then I think her folks should practice tough love call the cops and get him removed from the house. (That they may not want to do because then the poor 17 yr old will end up in foster care more than likely).

[taxguykarl]

Unless you can get a discount at your hospital on surgically implanted spines for you cousin, aunt and uncle, sit this one out.
You did what you can already, namely not enabling this nonsense...and it's good to see your DH on the same page with you.
Cousin needs to stick to an eviction deadline...BF, excuse me ex-BF is out of the house and on his own sink or swim.

[scary cary]

As the victim of a mooch I can empathize with how you must feel. Good on you for standing your ground!

Is your cousin in love with this mooch or does she just feel obligated because he is so helpless?

[kpzra]

Unless they are willing to call the police to have a squatter removed, stay out. Even then I'd just help clean after he's removed for the daughter to have her own space since she's paying to be there.

[Andara Bledin]

Yeah. Very glad to see both of you on the same page re sis' ex-bf.

I got to that point with my brother, and while his gf is allowed to come back, he's not.

^-.-^

[Seraph]

Unless they are willing to call the police to have a squatter removed, stay out. Even then I'd just help clean after he's removed for the daughter to have her own space since she's paying to be there.

That's what I was going to say....at this point, the police will have to be called in. There's no freaking way he's leaving now.

Just try to keep your distance, this is gonna get ugly, if she ever actually tries to do something. He won't leave without a fight.

[Jester]

You should definitely not let this Super Mooch move in to your place. No good will come of it.

Uncle and Aunt, it being their house and all, should probably grow a spine or two and give this jackass the heave ho. If he refuses to leave, they should call the cops. He isn't paying for shit, and is making no effort to do so.

As long as your Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin tolerate this jackass, you should definitely not get involved. If they finally find their wits and their balls and decide to get rid of him, if you feel they need help, by all means help them with that.

As for the kids ending up in foster care, since Super Mooch isn't their father and doesn't have custody of them, but they do have a place they are welcome and paying for, I would be a bit surprised if they were not allowed to stay. Of course, nothing the government does really surprises me, so foster care is of course still a possibility, even with them having a potential home right there.

Super Mooch is a raging asshole. He has nothing wrong with him and still won't work, or try to get a job? Fuck him. I hope he chokes on some bad Doritos.

And by the way, while I feel that Aunt and Uncle need to grow a spine, SHAME on Cousin for paying for this walking cockroach this whole time, even after they've split up. Clearly she's not the brains of the family.

[Tanasi]

The best thing to do is find out what the eviction process is and start that. Once he's officially and legally evicted and he still doesn't leave he can be arrested and charged with trespassing.
Do it correctly the first time and it will save money and time in the long run.

[Kristev]

Especially if enough time has passed for 17 year old to become 18 year old. At 18, the law considers her a grown woman who can live wherever she pleases.

[MoonCat]

Cousin has made her bed, let her lie in it. You can't save people from themselves.

[Seshat]

The two "children" (one nearly 18, the other presumably near that age) sound like the only ones I'd consider allowing house space to.

As the girl is either 18 or nearly 18, she's not eligible for foster care. As she - and her brother - have been attempting to pay for their living situation and look after themselves as much as possible, she may be eligible to be the guardian of her brother (if he's younger).

At such an age, it'd probably be a supervised guardianship - but as long as they get a halfway decent social worker, that'd just be good for them. Job skills and life skills training courses, assisted housing, etc.

So don't hesitate to contact authorities on their behalf. But as for the 'adults' (who aren't behaving as such) ... they're grown adults. They can sort it out.

[Merriweather]

Pretty much what the others have said. You've talked to your cousin, refused (rightly) to take the moocher off her hands, so keep what distance you can.

Now, I would have plent of advice for the others, if I thought they'd listen. Cousin should grow a spine, period. But I can almost (sort of) understand her, it's hard to stand up and kick out someone you presumably once cared for (and may still do). Not that she still doesn't need to do so. The parents, on the other hand - geez, they're so spineless it's pathetic. Unless he's got the physically scared of him, why on earth do they continue to allow him to live in their house, eating their food, raising their utility bills. Boggles the mind.

At least the kids seem to have turned out decent, at least as far as working & paying their way as much as they can, rather than assume the world & everone in it owes them. As for the girl going into foster home, I think that's a very unlikely scenario. She's going to school, has a place to stay, and a job - as close as she is to 18, especially, I think they'll let it stand where it is. My great-neice was more or less abandoned by her parents at around 15 or 16, but she managed to keep going to school, found places to stay, and even when social services was finally notified, they let her stay with the family who had taken her in. (She's off at college now, managed to not only get accepted at a good school, but get most costs covered by the school as well, very proud of her).

[XCashier]

Is your cousin in love with this mooch or does she just feel obligated because he is so helpless worthless?

Fixed that for you.

The best thing to do is find out what the eviction process is and start that. Once he's officially and legally evicted and he still doesn't leave he can be arrested and charged with trespassing.
Do it correctly the first time and it will save money and time in the long run.

QFT. If your aunt and uncle are willing to invest a little time, do things legally, they can get this parasite out of their lives.

Just had a thought (yes, first time for everything!). Are your aunt and uncle elderly, handicapped, etc? Perhaps they've let the parasite stay so long because he's threatened them in some way? The police/social services may have to intervene if that is the case.