I was going to say something else for the introduction, but after I read this post I realized it is full of death, violence, and destruction. I'm sure there's some kind of underlying meaning to this, but I'm not sure what it is. Stay tuned to your evening news, that's all I'll say
SW: Sucky Woman
SM: Sucky Man
DLR: Dealer
ME: All work and no play make Kara something something
Of course not. That would be stupid
SM: I have this high bill and this is ridiculous because I put so much money in this phone and it don't make any money for me and this is a lot of money and I keep putting money in da phone but it don't give me no money so it is ridiculous.
So..... You've finally realized your phone is neither an ATM nor a piggy bank. What the hell do you want from me?
Grr....
SW: It's nice and warm here, a beautiful day.
ME: That's good. It's muggy like you wouldn't believe here.
SW: Where are you?
ME: I'm in Kansas.
SW: Oh, well, is Dorothy there with you? Hyuk, yuk, yuk.
Okay, the first one is free. Persist and you die.
*Several minutes later*
ME: Okay, you're all set. Have a great day, and thanks for choosing (COMPANY).
SW: You have a good evening. And don't go with the Tin Man, he rusts!
I warned you.
Random acts of Murder
SM: Hold on, I need to axe my mom.
WHOA! Easy there, turbo. Let's think this over. I mean, you gotta do what the voices tell you, I get that. But leave me out of it.
Do I sound like I'm laughing?
ME: Can I just have the customer's mobile phone number?
DLR: No.
ME: ...
DLR: Just kidding.
ME: ...
DLR: Hahaha.
ME: ...
DLR: Hello?
Yeah, I'm still here. I'm just looking up your store address so I know where to call in the air strike.
Don't drop the soap
SM: Hold on, hold on. I'm not getting any contract. I did my time already.
So if I don't give you a free phone with no contract, you'll go to one of my competitors and get a contract with them. Whatever, dude.
The Negotiator
SM: Look, I want the phone for free. Now, I'm very open, I'd settle for $5 off my bill every month for the next 2 years. That would be fine.
Oh would it? Anything else on your wishlist? How about I just pay your bill out of my own pocket every month? How about I pop out of a cake on your birthday and hand you the phone on a velvet pillow? I'll bring our vice president of customer satisfaction with me, Ms Flamey, and let you two get intimate.
Not a recommended use for your phone
SW: I need a new phone, very badly. The old one doesn't do what I need it to do.
ME: I'm truly sorry to hear that. What's the problem with the phone?
SW: It doesn't vibrate.
ME: That's unfortunate. Does it show a call is coming in, does it play the ringtone if you have the sound on?
SW: Yes, everything else works fine, but it doesn't vibrate anymore.
ME: Well, I'd be happy to go over some troubleshooting with you, see if we can get it working again.
SW: I hope so. I need it to vibrate again.
Uh, I'm not going to ask any questions, but I'm fairly certain you've voided your warranty. You know, there are, uh, other products, on the market that are more... specifically designed to, uh, do what it is that you require.
King Ralph
SW: I just got an email from your President himself, Ralph.
Actually, I see you got an email from our online support, by a guy named Ralph. We call him our "Executive Consumer Relations" department, but all he does is handle written correspondence via email. You really think the head of a multi-billion dollar organization would be named Ralph?
Actually, it's Bob.
Finally (some people will probably hate me for this, but I just can't resist):
For Good Justice!
ME: Your phone is still under warranty, and we can exchange it for you at no cost.
SW: Why would I want the same phone if it's not having good justice?
All your phone are belong to us!
SW: Sucky Woman
SM: Sucky Man
DLR: Dealer
ME: All work and no play make Kara something something
Of course not. That would be stupid
SM: I have this high bill and this is ridiculous because I put so much money in this phone and it don't make any money for me and this is a lot of money and I keep putting money in da phone but it don't give me no money so it is ridiculous.
So..... You've finally realized your phone is neither an ATM nor a piggy bank. What the hell do you want from me?
Grr....
SW: It's nice and warm here, a beautiful day.
ME: That's good. It's muggy like you wouldn't believe here.
SW: Where are you?
ME: I'm in Kansas.
SW: Oh, well, is Dorothy there with you? Hyuk, yuk, yuk.
Okay, the first one is free. Persist and you die.
*Several minutes later*
ME: Okay, you're all set. Have a great day, and thanks for choosing (COMPANY).
SW: You have a good evening. And don't go with the Tin Man, he rusts!
I warned you.
Random acts of Murder
SM: Hold on, I need to axe my mom.
WHOA! Easy there, turbo. Let's think this over. I mean, you gotta do what the voices tell you, I get that. But leave me out of it.
Do I sound like I'm laughing?
ME: Can I just have the customer's mobile phone number?
DLR: No.
ME: ...
DLR: Just kidding.
ME: ...
DLR: Hahaha.
ME: ...
DLR: Hello?
Yeah, I'm still here. I'm just looking up your store address so I know where to call in the air strike.
Don't drop the soap
SM: Hold on, hold on. I'm not getting any contract. I did my time already.
So if I don't give you a free phone with no contract, you'll go to one of my competitors and get a contract with them. Whatever, dude.
The Negotiator
SM: Look, I want the phone for free. Now, I'm very open, I'd settle for $5 off my bill every month for the next 2 years. That would be fine.
Oh would it? Anything else on your wishlist? How about I just pay your bill out of my own pocket every month? How about I pop out of a cake on your birthday and hand you the phone on a velvet pillow? I'll bring our vice president of customer satisfaction with me, Ms Flamey, and let you two get intimate.
Not a recommended use for your phone
SW: I need a new phone, very badly. The old one doesn't do what I need it to do.
ME: I'm truly sorry to hear that. What's the problem with the phone?
SW: It doesn't vibrate.
ME: That's unfortunate. Does it show a call is coming in, does it play the ringtone if you have the sound on?
SW: Yes, everything else works fine, but it doesn't vibrate anymore.
ME: Well, I'd be happy to go over some troubleshooting with you, see if we can get it working again.
SW: I hope so. I need it to vibrate again.
Uh, I'm not going to ask any questions, but I'm fairly certain you've voided your warranty. You know, there are, uh, other products, on the market that are more... specifically designed to, uh, do what it is that you require.
King Ralph
SW: I just got an email from your President himself, Ralph.
Actually, I see you got an email from our online support, by a guy named Ralph. We call him our "Executive Consumer Relations" department, but all he does is handle written correspondence via email. You really think the head of a multi-billion dollar organization would be named Ralph?
Actually, it's Bob.
Finally (some people will probably hate me for this, but I just can't resist):
For Good Justice!
ME: Your phone is still under warranty, and we can exchange it for you at no cost.
SW: Why would I want the same phone if it's not having good justice?
All your phone are belong to us!
Comment