Lawn Sex

[Becks]

I was thinking the lawn doing it with the neighbor's lawn...

Kentucky bluegrass with some crabgrass for something new?

[Emmeileia]

Oh man...that would be some type of advertising for your hotel..."Hotel X: We have gay sex!" It even rhymes!

Something similar happened to me, though not at work. I was walking home from a long night of pub crawling at about 3 am. I was at a bar at one end of the main street of my town and I lived at the other. So, I get to the residential part of the street, which is mainly student housing. It was a Saturday in summer, so plenty of parties.

Imagine my surprise, then, to see two partially naked people lying on the sidewalk. Writhing. Wriggling. Making all sorts of squeaky noises.

Having become somewhat used to odd sights (This town was wierd. It rocked.) I just walked around them, eyes looking somewhere ahead of me. As I passed, the girl looked up and said, in a rather drunken voice "Why are there people here?"
"Because we are not in the kitchen" her equally trashed suitor replied. I can only assume that their night started there...


But it was really hard to keep from laughing right at them. I managed to hold it in for a block.

[Andara Bledin]

You're lucky; in my sleepless state of mind, I was thinking sex with various lawn instruments. Mowers, hedgeclippers, spades...

Ok, so thinking of the lawn darts was bad.....but how screwed up do you have to be to read "Lawn Sex" and think of those plastic flamingoes? Cause I did. I need help.

My thoughts drifted in the general area of lawn gnomes. They've got those hats.....

Also, it drifted to a story a family practice lawyer tells of the ex of the woman she's representing. It seems that the ex (or rather, the ex's trashy, mother-of-three-by-three-different-fathers now-wife) wants to try to get custody of the daughter of the ex and her client. This is the daughter he completely and utterly ignored for the first three years of her life.

It seems that the ex and his wife are equally trashy. At one point, they had on his (I think) MySpace page a video of them doing a roleplay of him raping her on the front lawn of their house. Clothes were not removed, but the rest of it was pretty graphic.

Needless to say, the lawyer's client (and the lawyer, she's one tough cookie) are both fighting with everything they've got (and the ex and his wife are giving them plenty) to basically cut what time he gets with the daughter to pretty much nothing.

^-.-^

[Spiffy McMoron]

Kentucky bluegrass with some crabgrass for something new?

Crabgrass? You know that you can get a shampoo for that, right?

*Runs from the rotten tomatoes...*

OK, OK, I'll stop...

[BookstoreEscapee]

Crabgrass? You know that you can get a shampoo for that, right?

*Runs from the rotten tomatoes...*

OK, OK, I'll stop...

I was gonna say it but I refrained...

[Fawn]

ROFL! That is priceless!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Ok, so thinking of the lawn darts was bad.....but how screwed up do you have to be to read "Lawn Sex" and think of those plastic flamingoes? Cause I did. I need help.

I just pictured a man and woman having sex on a lawn.

Now put those two pictures together and I'm seeing a man and a woman having sex on a lawn with plastic flamingoes.

Take that image and try to sleep tonight.

[ArenaBoy]

Priceless! I remember working at the party venue and seeing couples having sex in their car, on the ground, or my personal favorite; in the trees. Man I feel bad for your boss having to see that.

[Becks]

Crabgrass? You know that you can get a shampoo for that, right?

*Runs from the rotten tomatoes...*

OK, OK, I'll stop...

Damn, Spiffy. You're a great one.

[Antisocial_Worker]

All I have to say is "Chiggers"

I have a better one for you. "Fire ants."

[DGoddessChardonnay]

As Confuscious say:

Man with woman on ground have piece on earth.

[Starlord]

The department I used to work for had every recruit take a polygraph, and one question was always asked. "Have you ever had sex with a chicken?" One female recruit was ready to say, "No, every time I strip and lay down, they fly away." She was one who was not asked the question.
The purpose of the question was to see how the person would react, as a chickenhawk is a pedophile.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Kentucky bluegrass with some crabgrass for something new?

"There's nothing wrong with crabgrass. It just has a bad name, that's all. Everyone would love it if it had a cute name like Elfgrass." - Homer

OK, now that's over with; the original story, hilarious! XD At least they made good use of the facilities.

[Tria]

My thoughts drifted in the general area of lawn gnomes. They've got those hats.....

Yes, but the flamingos got that curved neck and beak, goes RIGHT for the G-spot.

[Noelegy]

When I was a senior in high school, I went on a field trip with the Spanish Club. We chartered a couple of buses and went to see a folkloric ballet. On the way there, we got stuck in some lunch-hour traffic. I was on crutches at the time, so I didn't get up when all of a sudden everyone ran over to one side of the bus and looked out the window.

There was a guy in a convertible receiving pleasure of an oral sort from a woman in the passenger seat. I guess they didn't notice all the high school kids goggling at them.