Sucky Pervy Customer

[BoxGirl]

It was the tone of voice and the way he was looking at me. Yes, I'm 18, but this guy was in his late 30s, early 40s. When he looked, it wasn't that "This girl's sorta pretty" thing, it was a wandering "up and down" sort of look. And yes, I know that he didn't make any physical advances or say anything that could be considered *too* pervy, but also consider that half a dozen of my close friends have been raped, and all by people who have seemed normal, or only slightly creepy. I may be overreacting a bit, sure, but I'd sure as hell rather be overreacting than underreacting, thanks.

[BaristaTrav]

It was the tone of voice and the way he was looking at me. Yes, I'm 18, but this guy was in his late 30s, early 40s. When he looked, it wasn't that "This girl's sorta pretty" thing, it was a wandering "up and down" sort of look. And yes, I know that he didn't make any physical advances or say anything that could be considered *too* pervy, but also consider that half a dozen of my close friends have been raped, and all by people who have seemed normal, or only slightly creepy. I may be overreacting a bit, sure, but I'd sure as hell rather be overreacting than underreacting, thanks.

Fair enough.. but if he got the point and moves on, then good. And also you know how to maybe handle it a bit differently next time around. If he persists still, let us know.

[Pagan]

JLG's right. I learned a long time ago to trust my instincts. They've never led me wrong. I don't give a crap if some guy thinks I'm rude. Seriously, you can tell the difference a guy that is just shy (or has something like Asperger Syndrome) and a guy that is a creep. But, that comes with age and experience.

Cut BoxGirl a break, she is only 18 and has some things in her past that are naturally going color her perception. Like siead_lietrathua said, it's hard to convey tone of voice in writing.

[lightmylamb]

I agree with the tone of voice thing. When I switched jobs a guy who used to frequent the last store I worked in found me working in the video store and said "so this is where I can find you now", which many people have said to me and it hasn't been creepy, but when this guy said it I was freaked out. He's just got a very soft voice, and almost everything he says sounds creepy.

Generally you aren't the only one getting 'creepy' vibes, either. If your manager is around when you deal with the guy next, and he's still creepy, ask your manager if he noticed.

[tollbaby]

Where can one buy pepper spray?

Not to be harsh, but one should consider buying a muzzle or growing a pair. You just GAVE him a bunch of personal information about yourself, and that might make things more difficult for you if this escalates. Tell your manager in no uncertain terms that this guy scares you, and that you want him present when you serve him, REGARDLESS of whether the guy makes any creepy moves or not. With a manager present, you not only have a witness, but he'll be far more likely to behave himself. What would be ideal would be if your manager could serve him instead, but you likely won't get away with that.

And for pete's sake, don't chat with him, no matter how rude he thinks you are. You've already complained to coworkers that he's creeping you out, and you need to FIRMLY let HIM know that his behavior is unacceptable. Seriously, it's not going to hurt, and it may just solve the problem *hug* good luck and keep us posted!

[kibbles]

I gotta agree with ruinwen, he was attracted to you he asked about you, you declined and showed no interest and that was that. If he would have continued asking personal quesitons after you had asked him to stop, I would understand; but, you were answering his questions.

Also, it's not fair to automatically say he is into minors because you say you look 12...you were working so I doubt anyone would assume or think to themselves that you are 12 years old.

So I don't think he is a perv, there is nothing wrong with not being interested; but, there is also nothing wrong with someone being interested as long as they stop after you express disinterest.

[BoxGirl]

Okay, then, here's this. Men in their forties should not flirt with girls that aren't even twenty. My personal life is none of his business, he shouldn't even be asking. If a guy is watching my chest while I'm placing an order, I do believe there's a line there. Also, when I was placing his order, the name of the Mrs showed up as well, so even if he was supposedly innocently interested, the guy is freaking MARRIED and should not be flirting or looking in the way that he did.

Pardon me if I got scared by a creep, figured this was a good place to rant, since you lot are used to sucky customers. Yes, he scared me, okay? I'm really not asking for advice on if you think I'm overreacting or not, I honestly don't give a damn. A guy comes up to me and flirts too much to be normal, keeps coming back, keeps getting more personal every time, and I wanted advice on how to stop his advances which were very much unwanted. If you've got advice on that, great, post away. If you think I'm overreacting, I don't give a damn, go post somewhere else, thanks.

[XCashier]

I had to deal with pervy creeps when I was your age, and I can totally understand where you're coming from. Trust your gut instinct. If you're getting a red alert with four alarms from your gut, something is wrong. Ignore the people who "pish-tosh" your feelings; they're not the ones being ogled.

Definitely tell your manager about this guy. He or she may have some good advice on how to handle him. And since it's happening in their store, they do need to know about it.

I really think they ought to teach girls in high school what to do in such a situation. Like JLG pointed out, so many women don't want to "hurt his feelings" or "raise a fuss" and thus end up being victimized.

[kibbles]

Okay, then, here's this. Men in their forties should not flirt with girls that aren't even twenty.

That's your opinion, not everyone's and just because an older guy flirts with a younger girl does not automatically make him a perv.

And he asked questions about your personal life and you answered them, I don't think that makes him a perv.

Also, people aren't always going to agree with you or just go you're right he's a perv.

[BoxGirl]

And the married and watching my chest part is acceptable?

[kibbles]

Did I say that?

[Evil Queen]

OKay, Boxgirl, it's okay. You're allowed to be scared of someone. So your instincts screamed at you, it's good that you listened and you admit you did dumb by answering his questions. Hell, I've done the same thing because I was basically in the same position; I didn't want to come off as rude to a customer.

It's okay, just calm down and relax a moment. Deep breath. Good girl.

Give the poor girl a break guys. I'm assuming this is her first retail job so she's allowed to over react.

[Boozy]

Knock it off, guys.

Discussion is fine; bickering is not. Its time to accept that there is a difference of opinion and move on. Continue along these lines and the thread will be closed and infractions will be given.

[kibbles]

Sorry 'bout that Boozy.

[RetailWorkhorse]

*Pats BoxGirl*

S'Okay, Boxie! Go with these people when they say to follow your instincts. They got more miles on them and thus more experience so they know. If you feel that the man was crossing the line (Watching your chest and all that) then he was crossing the line. Have your Manager keep an eye out for him. And if you can swing it, get a big guy friend to pop up to check up on ya (worked for me).

Time, Boxie, to learn the 1,000-yard Glare of Doom. <3