Sucky Pervy Customer

[myswtghst]

I'll keep this short, but I have to jump in, as I very much feel for Box - I want to be too nice, and hate being outright mean - I usually either make up a boyfriend, or just say I don't have time for one right now, etc. Just practice or at least spend a bit of time thinking about the answers to those types of questions, so you're ready to answer them without hesitation, even if you're fibbing.

Also, always trust your instincts. As many have said, you can tell best, as you experienced all the non-verbal and hard-to-put-into-words behaviors that made him creepy. And most of all, it's better to mildly offend someone who creeps you out than to accidentally offer up too much info, or put yourself into a position where something bad could happen. Better safe than sorry, and better to be wrong and safe than right and sorry.

[friendofjimmyk]

I saw the same red flags Raps did.



Having been born and raised and still live in a predominantly Hispanic part of the country, I can say this is not normal behaviour for Hispanic guys.

I beg to differ. I lived/worked in an area of the country where there was a predominant Hispanic population....the guys I knew, and I worked with and hung out with, plenty of Hispanic men, were just like this. Stared too long, paid compliments, asked questions about my availability, etc...

[wagegoth]

I'm sure a number of women on this board have been through something similar. And, male or female, you should go with your gut. Studies have been done that show that your gut reaction is like a burst of computing done by your body and brain that quickly assesses a situation and provides the most accurate response. Kara is working in a prison with the BTK killer. How many people got the creeps around him then told themselves, "Oh, it's okay. He's a church deacon." Nobody has the right to tell someone else that there's no reason for them to be scared or uncomfortable in a situation or around a person.

I've probably had more of a problem attracting unwanted attention because I'm a natural redhead, plus being tall. I tend to stand out. Frankly, having reached middle age has been something of a relief, plus both my husbands have been very physically large men.

I live in an area with a high Latino population. I'm going to agree with FOJK on the behavior. If they're first generation and/or illegal, they may be more quiet about it, but they stare and talk and even follow you around. It also depends on how much English they speak. Second generation, they can be absolute assholes about it. The macho comes pouring out. Not all of them. No generalizations, but they do have a cultural attitude about the man running everything. Most of these guys have a wife at home and a girlfriend, and they'll still chase after any female they find the least attractive. It's one way they believe they prove their manhood.

My suggestion is that the OP have the manager come over when the customer comes back, so the manager can physically ID him. Also, she should tell her manager everything that's been happening. If she has to wait around the mall or store for a ride, she should wait in an area that has a security guard nearby or, preferably, a secured, employees only area. She should carry a cell phone at all times. If she has to walk in the parking lot at night, she should have a guard or, at the least, one or two male employees accompany her.

And I want an update.

[Pagan]

I beg to differ. I lived/worked in an area of the country where there was a predominant Hispanic population....the guys I knew, and I worked with and hung out with, plenty of Hispanic men, were just like this. Stared too long, paid compliments, asked questions about my availability, etc...

At 44%, NM has the highest Hispanic population in the country (Doña Ana Co, where I was born and raised, is 63%) and the only Hispanic guys I've really encountered behaving like this have been from Juárez.

[Canarr]

Okay, my two cents here (guy, 30).

First, I don't think you overreacted. Overreacting would've been screaming, calling security, pepperspraying him, arresting him... any of the above. You're worried about a guy who doesn't feel right to you, and that's perfectly fine. If you have a management that will support you on this, go talk to them and report it (and if you don't have that, try to change jobs). Make sure that they know you're scared, and don't want to come in contact with the guy again, even though he hasn't done anything yet.

There's nothing wrong with being careful, as long as you don't get paranoid about it, and trusting your gut instincts is always a smart move.

On the other hand, though, I agree with the other crowd here: calling him a perv is unwarranted. Yes, he's older than you; yes, he's married (or separated, or divorced, or widowed); yes, he stared at your chest. But:
1. Some men like younger women, and some women like younger men. Sometimes, significantly younger. And as long as both parties are adults, and fine with it, there's nothing wrong with that. A girl I knew in college, 21 back then, was dating a 42year old guy, a - by then *former* - friend of her father's. Did we tease her about it? Mercilessly. But did that make the man a pervert? Hardly.
2. As stated: there may be several reasons why there's a Mrs on the account. Hell, it might even be his mother.
3. Okay, I'll come clean here: I, too, have on occasion looked at a woman's chest. Stared, even. And yes, I have on two occasions been called on it by the woman in question - jokingly one time, seriously the other. And yes, I've been properly embarrassed afterwards - albeit mostly for getting caught, not for the staring.

Have you never looked at a nice ass on an attractive guy? A set of well-defined abs? Broad shoulders? Strong legs? It's natural to be attracted to the other sex - we're wired that way, males the same as females. Some are more obvious about it than others, but nearly all do it. It's harmless, and normal, and very far away from being harassment of any kind. It only crosses the line when you call someone on it and he doesn't relent. Or she.

The problem when using words like "pervert" too liberally, is that they actually lose power the more they are used. The more quickly people throw it around, the less seriously it's taken.

[friendofjimmyk]

The problem when using words like "pervert" too liberally, is that they actually lose power the more they are used. The more quickly people throw it around, the less seriously it's taken.

Exactly. But, then again, this falls on perception. Harmless flirting to one could be sucky pervert to another. It all depends on the person who is experiencing the incident. So, even though, as the situation was presented to us, I don't see a sucky pervy customer, the OP did. Yes, one should always go with their gut...regardless of how I perceive the situation.



My experience with Hispanic men comes from living in Texas for 8 years. Many of those men were from various parts of Mexico and some from other South American countries. There was a great difference in the treatment of women depending on where they were from. I learned quickly that if you come across as a strong woman, you won't have too many problems with Hispanic men because, in my case, my personality put me in a 'high maintenance" category and one they learned quickly not to mess with.