Well I've ruined Christmas again

[Pixilated]

Wait ... your uncle is now scamming Grandma's medicare payments?? Sounds to me as if some legal intervention is needed, especially since your grandma is now officially diagnosed as having Alzheimer's. I'm pretty sure that falls within the legal definition of elder abuse (though note the disclaimer: I Am Not a Lawyer).

[Gizmo]

Your mother and your unclee are asses and they ruined YOUR christmas. Tell him hes the lowlife mooch and you won't assocate with him and he can *bleep* off.

This is NOT your fault.

[Andara Bledin]

I have already contacted the authorities about my uncle. They came and talked to Gma and she said she was helping uncle out financially because she loved him. This was before she was diagnosed with Alzheimers, but Mom and I saw the signs of it.

It's time for them to go back with the knowledge that she has been diagnosed as such.

If her Medicare payments aren't going to her care, then he needs to get his ass handed to him in every way legally mandated.

^-.-^

[Crossbow]

Well, SOMEBODY ruined Christmas, but it certainly wasn't you.

Personal opinion? Block your uncle's number. Just don't even take any calls or texts from him. And if mom gives you the "He's family" BS, just remember, "family" and "relative" do not mean the same thing. Just because you hav a blood relation to someone does not mean that you can't (and/or shouldn't) tell them to slide face first down a path of rusty razorblades straight to hell.

And I have to agree that Mom knew about this "last minute change" well before the last minute. I definitely wouldn't play that game with her.

[MoonCat]

This makes me so angry I can barely see straight. If it had been me I wouldn've texted back something along the lines of "F-- off you lazy drunken leech" and then blocked him for good.

The hell with him. I'm sorry you're stuck with relatives like that. As someone else said, eventually he's going to be on his own and boy, what a shock that's going to be. I don't blame you one bit for refusing to go to his place.

I second the idea of having his living off of grandma's medicare money investigated, if you can. But even if not, please stick to your guns and don't go over there.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Pretty much what everyone else has said . . . and definitely stay away from the uncle.

No need to make yourself or your family uncomfortable - EVER.

If it were me, I'd simply delete the text w/out responding - that way he wouldn't get a reaction (which is what I suspect he'd be wanting) and block the number.

If your mom calls, just tell her you have already made other plans and leave it at that. She's owed no explanation in my book. If she persists, there is an off button on the phone for a reason. Don't let her talk over you (gah, I hate it when people do that - my phone has a tendency to mysteriously "disconnect" the call)

If you don't have the time to play games, then don't. And I would definitely look into the medicare issue . . . misuse of funds is fraud, and when you're talking about the federal government, they do NOT play around with that. If there's a way to anonymously report possible fraud, do so. Then just sit back and let Karma work it out.

[Kanalah]

I have spoken to my mother about the misuse of funds issue, since right now, she's in charge of Gma's welfare. Whether she will follow through with anything, I have no clue. Right now she's working all the overtime she can to pay for Gma's cottage + bills, and Sis's house + bills. Yet she says she loves Sis so much more then me and why can't I be more like her. (Maybe cause I have a strong moral objection to mooching?)

Uncle wants to take over handling Gma's finances - mom told him where to shove it and how far. He already knows that I don't answer his calls/texts. Usually he will talk to Gma or mom and they will relay stuff to me. He says I'm too difficult to talk to.

Yeah he's in for fun when Gma passes on. She has no money or assets left - he's spent everything she had. It breaks my heart to see her living like that. She raised me and if it wasn't for her I know I wouldn't have grown up as well as I have. That's why I'm fighting so hard to take care of her as best I can. She deserves the best.

[bainsidhe]

Yeah he's in for fun when Gma passes on. She has no money or assets left - he's spent everything she had.

That's not completely correct, as you mentioned here:

Uncle moocher is now living in Grandmother's house (that she pays all the bills on) while Grandmother and Mom life in a cottage in a retirement village.

She owns property that moocher uncle is currently using for his personal benefit. You said your grandmother is paying the bills, are her medicare payments still going to the old house and he's cashing them? Because add my voice to others saying to call authorities on the fraud. Oh, and file a change of address form.

If your mother isn't already, she needs to become financial power of attorney. That way she can control your grandmother's payments/assets.

I'm sorry you had a miserable Christmas. May New Years be totally awesome!

[Jester]

...he needs to get his ass handed to him in every way legally mandated.

And a few ways that have nothing to do with the legal system.

Right now she's working all the overtime she can to pay for Gma's cottage + bills, and Sis's house + bills.

Let me see if I have this straight. Your mother is working her ass off to pay for Grandma's house and bills and for her sister's (and her husband, which I presume is your uncle) house and bills, while Uncle uses Grandma's medicare payments to party hardy? And neither Uncle nor Sister are working?

Say WHAT? Whatchyou talking about Willis!?!??!

That is so many different levels of fuckedupitude, I don't even know where to begin.

Oh, yes I do. How about someone besides your mother get UP off their LAZY FUCKING ASSES and start being RESPONSIBLE FUCKING ADULTS who pay their OWN damn bills, and stop fucking STEALING from vulnerable little old ladies?

I would like to apologize to my older sister for every bad thing I've said about her on this forum. Because while most of them were more or less the truth, at her most evil my older sister doesn't hold a candle to these disgusting parasites.

Uncle wants to take over handling Gma's finances...

Oh, well that makes PERFECT sense. What could POSSIBLY go wrong with THAT brilliant idea?

He says I'm too difficult to talk to....

Well of course you are. See, you don't bow and scrape and agree to every boneheaded idea he comes up with for how to scam every last penny from this woman. Seriously, how dare you be so damn difficult and actually expect him to be, oh, I dunno, ACCOUNTABLE.

[Kanalah]

Gma's house is paid off. So Gma is currently paying: Taxes and utilities on Uncle's house/truck/boat. House is still in her name, but she has no intention of kicking Uncle/Aunt/2Kids out. (The kids are OHGOD spoiled rotten brats) Uncle is also renting out his former house to a friend, so he's getting beer money that way.

Mom also has a house that my sister is living in. Mom pays mortgage/car/insurance/utilities for that house. Mom does not want to kick out my freeloading sister and speaks of her as if she is made of gold.

Mom is pissed off about Uncle mooching everything from Gma, but cannot see the correlation between herself and her own mother. Mom's house is hoarded to the point that it's a major health hazard, but sis doesn't care because it's free. Mom has also started hoarding up the cottage she shares with Gma.

Mom bitches pretty near constantly about how bad her life sucks, but I figure she walked herself right into where she is.

Gma's checks go to the cottage where she lives with my mom, but again - she's paying the bills for Uncle's house.

All of them don't like me/hubs/kids very much because we handle our own business and don't come crying to them begging for money. We also don't worship the ground they walk on.

[Andara Bledin]

Ah. Now I know why they have issues with you.

They resent the fact that you aren't a loser like most of them, or a doormat like the others.

How dare you be able to handle your own financial issues and not be willing to handle theirs, too.

Good job on getting out of that cycle, by the way.

^-.-^

[Kara]

Darlin, I've read this about 50 times and I can't seem to find the part where you did anything wrong or ruined anything at all.

And by the way, this:

The story so far: Quiltmaker kicked out of crazy family of moochers, thankfully before Quiltmaker's kids could pick up on anything.

is a good thing.

[Pixilated]

I have spoken to my mother about the misuse of funds issue, since right now, she's in charge of Gma's welfare. Whether she will follow through with anything, I have no clue. Right now she's working all the overtime she can to pay for Gma's cottage + bills, and Sis's house + bills. Yet she says she loves Sis so much more then me and why can't I be more like her. (Maybe cause I have a strong moral objection to mooching?)

Uncle wants to take over handling Gma's finances - mom told him where to shove it and how far. He already knows that I don't answer his calls/texts. Usually he will talk to Gma or mom and they will relay stuff to me. He says I'm too difficult to talk to.

Yeah he's in for fun when Gma passes on. She has no money or assets left - he's spent everything she had. It breaks my heart to see her living like that. She raised me and if it wasn't for her I know I wouldn't have grown up as well as I have. That's why I'm fighting so hard to take care of her as best I can. She deserves the best.

Even though your Mom is heading down the same road as your Grandma, kudos to her for not allowing Moocher Uncle to take over Grandma's finances. And kudos to Moocher Uncle for thinking you're too difficult to talk to! That's a reasonable assurance that he won't attempt to contact you ... well, not much, anyway.

However, having said that, you may want to start making yourself unavailable when your mom makes these eleventh-hour demands to see the grandkids. Sorry, got other plans, can't change them now; how about we set a time now for later this week or next week? If she gets pissy you can console yourself with the idea that she didn't really want to see the grandkids anyway; she just wanted to jerk you all around.

Does your mother have any legal standing in terms of being in charge of your grandmother's welfare ... does she have Power of Attorney? If not, then it doesn't need to be her who reports Moocher Uncle to the authorities as a possible elder abuse suspect (I suspect anybody could file such a report even if there is someone invested with Power of Attorney). Please consider looking into that.

I know it won't help your family dynamics any, but as far as Moocher Uncle is concerned, those dynamics are unfixable anyway. The person who needs to be looked after now is your Grandma, who literally can't help herself anymore.

My mother's in a similar position in terms of having an Alzheimer's -like condition, and my brother has Power of Attorney for her. If either I or my sister tried anything remotely like what Moocher Uncle is doing, brother would not hesitate for a nanosecond to come down on us like a ton of bricks, both personally and legally.