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  • Customers opinion made me sad

    So I didn't have a great day, and I'm still not happy about it now.

    I work with males, we have had other females before but not now, except in the office, and it's pretty much a big boys club. I get along with the guys well enough, but we do tease. One of the guys favourite games to play is 'the stupid thing my woman did', and they all spill 'em out and measure up to see who wins (or something, I'm not really sure). When they ask my opinions on their 'horrible lives' with these women I usually just say 'yeah, boys are dumb', with a smile, and they might say back 'You're right, girls are dumb', also with a smile, and we all carry on.

    Today the homeowner was nearby, but pointedly ignoring us, and we were talking while we worked and one of the guys wives texted him and he went on a (quiet) mini-rant about her always bugging him when he was at work, blah, blah, blah and he asked me if I thought that was normal and I told him 'boys are dumb'. The female homeowner then came over and proceeded to lecture me for HOURS about how evil men were, how they all wanted to own women, and go around raping them willy-nilly but were afraid to go to jail, how they would all beat and murder their women if it wasn't against the law, how women should use sex to control the mans money, and..... I can't even recite all of the things she said. She seemed to think I agreed with her because of my stupid comment, and she also made no pretense that the guys wouldn't hear her.

    It was horrible. I've honestly never seen hostility like this before. I started trying to talk her around to other points of view but one of the guys walked by and grabbed my arm and shook his head and when I looked up the other one was shaking his head, so, we listened. For like 5 hours. Nobody said anything to correct her or stop her, we just worked and listened to this pure hatred streaming out of her mouth.

    The worst part of the whole thing was her two children (9-12?) were in and out, checking if they could whatever, she would keep it up while they were there and they didn't look the least bit phased. I remember her son patiently waiting for her to finish speaking to ask her something as she said 'and the only way to get some decent jewelry out of a man is to get on your knees, so you have to convince him to give you access to the bank accounts early on in the relationship, so you never have to degrade yourself like that.' and the kid didn't even blink. I feel so sad for this little girl growing up to think of half the world as an enemy you have to outmaneuver, and for this little boy who is going to grow up thinking god knows what about himself and women.

    I told the guys on the way home I couldn't believe they could listen to that all day, and that I would stop teasing them about boys being dumb and they just laughed and said I had better not or they would have to stop teasing me. They said a lot of women feel like that about men, and not to worry about it. So it seems like they didn't really care, but I am still feeling bad about it. When I picked up my son tonight I gave him a big hug, which helped.
    Pain and suffering are inevitable...misery is optional.

  • #2
    I've heard some pretty awful comments about women's worth, but I've never heard a rant like that the other way around. It's disgusting and makes me angry and I find myself both disturbed yet impressed your crew put up with it for 5 straight hours. Some people are just horrible.
    A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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    • #3
      Sad....so very sad. I raised a boy. He is a wonderful young man. He is sensitive, caring and possesses a heart so huge that I worry about it being broken. He is warm, funny & highly intelligent. He loves his stepdaughter like his own & possesses an extraordinary character.

      Yes, boys (& men) can be dumb. So can women. This woman is a classic example of a dumb female.

      You have an excellent crew, to be able to put up with listening to that. They understand that this woman is a dumbass. They also seem to understand that you respect them & know that they aren't dumb. Don't let that homeowner interfere with your good relationship with them.

      Like you, I feel for her kids. SMH.
      Here Mr Customer, let me pull that out of my arse for you!

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      • #4
        I met a friend of a friend who held views like this, and wondered why she couldn't get past first dates. Gee... One night we were having a girls night out and she started on the men are all evil schtick. It was so out there some of us started laughing, which upset her and she said "well, when you are all raped and no man will give you stuff like they are supposed to, you will think of what I said!!". Caused us to laugh even harder. There are people out there wih very skewered visions of the opposite sex

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        • #5
          Misandry and misogyny are no different from racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia or any other fear of the different. Some people are just so filled with hatred they just can not, will not see any other viewpoint except their own. The late Fred Phelps is a perfect example of this poisoned mindset; so is your customer. You can't reason with them or change them. All you can do is pity them and pray that they may see the light someday.
          I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
          My LiveJournal
          A page we can all agree with!

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          • #6
            "So ah, if you hate men so much, I take it you're a lesbian?"
            Supporting the idiots charged with protecting your personal information.

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            • #7
              Quoth bainsidhe View Post
              I've heard some pretty awful comments about women's worth, but I've never heard a rant like that the other way around.
              Sadly, I have.

              I'm a feminist; and some of the extreme feminists feel much like this. They skip the part about using sex to get jewelry from men, instead replacing it with isolating themselves from men.

              For my own sanity, I avoid that extreme variant of feminism, and the people who hold those views.


              I've also seen a sad variation of that theme play out. Two of my aunts married men who acted like this woman claims men are. They eventually divorced - and remarried other men who act like that. As if they simply expect that behaviour to be true of all men, and that their own worth is null without a man.


              And yes, part of the reason I am a feminist is because of those uncles. All four of them. And part is because of my grandfather (father of my mother and those two aunts). Women DO deserve better than men like that.

              But I'm also a feminist because there are men who aren't like that. My father. My brother. My husband (my dear, dear Toth). And yes, Catharsis, the men you work with. For all that they tease you, and for all that they complain about their wives, I'm sure they know better than to treat them the way this woman treats the men in her life. (Or, y'know, corresponding to how she thinks men treat women, or .. you know what I mean.)

              To paraphrase Joss Whedon: "I write strong male characters because you're still asking the question."

              ... okay, that mental train of thought took a lot of track jumping. But .. eh. I'm a feminist because I believe in strong, honest, loving men and women both. That'll do.
              Seshat's self-help guide:
              1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
              2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
              3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
              4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

              "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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              • #8
                Story time. Good Lord.

                When I was at college, I had an...acquaintance, who seemed normal at first, but as I came to find out, she was a ball-breaker feminist.

                A performance of The Vagina Monologues was put on at the school, and the editorial editor of the school newspaper attended. He then wrote a review of the performance which basically amounted to "this really wasn't my cup of tea."

                Acquaintance then wrote an extremely self-righteous letter to the editor blasting editorial editor's review of The Vagina Monologues. Among other things, she made graphic references to a gynecological exam as a way of bolstering her "point."

                Editorial editor added a note to this letter, which amounted to "let's agree to disagree." Letter and rebuttal went into the next edition of the paper, a few chuckles were had at the next staff meeting, and we figured that was the end of that.

                Until later that evening, after the staff meeting, when I was putting in my office time. Acquaintance came striding purposefully into the office, demanding editorial editor come out. When he did, she told him "All right, let's go."

                She wanted to fight him. Right there in the office. Over his review.

                Let's just say I had nothing to do with her after that. Didn't need that kind of crazy in my life.
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                • #9
                  What happened in the original post is just one of the many reasons I have sometimes felt ashamed of my gender. I do honestly think sexism against males is as equally wrong as it is towards females but most of society seems to treat it along with ageism in general like it's no big deal.

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                  • #10
                    I have known women who in the same breath will bitch a guy out for holding a door open for her (because it oppresses women, dontcha know) and then bitch him out if he doesn't hold the door open for her (because he doesn't have any manners.) They'd gleefully tell me about it, because apparently, having tit-bits means that you are automatically part of their "group." I'd just look at them and state in a not-so-kind tone, "Congrats on showing him that we're all complete bitches. Thanks."

                    Best thing to do is just put distance between yourself. In my case, it's usually before I set them off.. but I get a warped pleasure off of tweaking noses, putting knickers into knots and all that.
                    If I make no sense, I apologize. I'm constantly interrupted by an actual toddler.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth raudf View Post
                      I have known women who in the same breath will bitch a guy out for holding a door open for her (because it oppresses women, dontcha know) and then bitch him out if he doesn't hold the door open for her (because he doesn't have any manners.)
                      I once worked with a woman like that back in 1968-69. She wanted to be treated just like one of the guys, but still expected them to hold the door open for her. The guys did not appreciate that attitude and complained about it frequently.
                      "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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                      • #12
                        I finally was able to get out of a long-term abusive relationship. In my younger, hotter days I was regularly sexually harassed at work. Cluelessness about privilege disgusts me. MRAs make me consider mass drownings. I'm a feminist.

                        But I know that most men and women are basically decent. I don't hate on men because they're men. I get fed up with women almost as often. A lot of people just need a small, metaphysical smack upside the head.
                        Labor boards have info on local laws for free
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                        Learn how to go over whackamole bosses' heads safely
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                        • #13
                          Quoth wagegoth View Post
                          A lot of people just need a small, metaphysical smack upside the head.
                          I'm of the belief that a lot of people need a small, actually physical smack upside the head.

                          But then, I hate people as a rule.
                          PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

                          There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Jay 2K Winger View Post
                            I'm of the belief that a lot of people need a small, actually physical smack upside the head.
                            Leroy Jethro Gibbs would agree.

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                            • #15
                              Women who hate all men aren't feminists. They are either women who've been hurt too badly to see clearly anymore, or they're extremists using the label as justification.

                              I would hope that anyone who happens to hear a man putting down women for hours on end would find that just as distasteful. Nasty is nasty, no matter who is spouting it.

                              Also that woman should not have been mouthing off to people who were trying to get a job done. Sounds like she needs counseling.
                              When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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