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  • #1

    Customer Haiku

    you smell like cat pee
    go home and wash your sweater
    do it right now please

    Bring your Computer
    No don't describe it again
    Bring the Damn Thing IN

    you need a receipt
    that is how it works always
    I really Don't care

    you fell for a scam
    it's not our fault that you did
    don't yell at me now

    you lost the power cord
    you are the one who lost it
    do not swear at me

    look I have a cold
    I was gonna call in sick
    but I came early

    just stop arguing
    it will not change anything
    we are out of stock

    I don't set the price
    that is done by corporate
    I have no power

    ink is expensive
    ink is always expensive
    ink is expensive

    look, you came to me
    this is the product you need
    whining won't change that

    it is just a mouse
    it's not magic, it's not strange
    any mouse will work

    seriously now?
    I just told you, it's a mouse
    it will work just fine

    you just plug it in
    that is all, it will be fine
    stop asking me please

    I've told you five times
    now I have told you six times
    the mouse will work fine

    oh god just fuck off
    IT IS JUST A GODDAMN MOUSE
    just go away now
    Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?
    Me: I expect competence from my coworkers.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    There once was a customer sucky
    For rhyme's sake, we'll call him "Bucky"
    He'd shout and he'd shout,
    and he'd stomp and he'd pout,
    but all I could muster was f**k ye...
    Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

    Comment

    • #3
      Quoth gremcint View Post
      it is just a mouse
      it's not magic, it's not strange
      any mouse will work
      I meant any COMPUTER mouse
      You bought a FEEDER mouse at the pet store?
      Of course it doesn't work
      Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

      Comment

      • #4
        Your comp has frozen,
        Shut the f*** up and reboot!
        See? it's working now.
        "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
        "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
        "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
        "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
        "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
        "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
        Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
        "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

        Comment

        • #5
          The bathrooms were clean
          you have made them smell like dung
          I loathe you deeply
          Engaged to the sweet Mytical He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.

          Comment

          • #6
            We are out of stock
            No, there's nothing in the back
            I've checked ninety times

            Comment

            • #7
              Yes my light is off
              I will not open for you
              Please just go fuck off

              ---

              Your card is declined
              Your coupons are not valid
              How is that my fault?
              Last edited by EricKei; 01-25-2015, 06:12 PM. Reason: Merging together/Posts are just minutes apart/The two are now one

              Comment

              • #8
                Chicken Alfredo?!?
                We just sell pizza and stix...
                No pasta for you!
                "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                Comment

                • #9
                  You want peking duck.
                  We just serve it on Tuesdays.
                  We don't have it now.

                  You want peking duck.
                  But today is not Tuesday.
                  Please don't yell at me!
                  cindybubbles (👧 ❤️ 🎂 )

                  Enter Cindyland here!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    No poems, just loads of love for the above
                    Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum! - Don't you dare erase my hard disk!

                    This is Tech Support, not Customer Service.
                    What's the difference?
                    We're allowed to tell you "no".

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Fuck you, fucking fuck
                      You should have choked on vomit
                      Leave my counter now

                      You have no receipt
                      Therefore, no return for you
                      Please have a nice day

                      Please follow us now
                      We saw you steal that iPod
                      Cops will be here soon

                      I smell doritos
                      Also fishy female parts
                      The reeker is near
                      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        I kneel to wipe up
                        You tell me 'Say one for me!'
                        Yes, very funny

                        I'll pray for patience
                        Because if I prayed for strength
                        I'd kill somebody.
                        Engaged to the sweet Mytical He is my Black Dragon (and yes, a good one) strong, protective, the guardian. I am his Silver Dragon, always by his side, shining for him, cherishing him.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Stop yelling at me
                          We are not in my store now
                          Why do I leave home?

                          Oh, you live next door
                          This is just spectacular
                          Customer neighbor

                          Customer neighbor
                          Puts in a complaint at work
                          Did not like my party

                          Work will laugh at you
                          This complaint is just not right
                          It's called harrassment
                          Patient has severely impacted cranial rectosis. There's probably no cure. - Overheard in ER

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            I ask for ID
                            You look twelve, stop arguing
                            Give it to me now

                            You have no ID
                            Law says you're pretty much fucked
                            No cocktail for you!
                            Last edited by Jester; 01-28-2015, 11:23 AM.

                            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is                             Still A Customer."

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Asshole in the night:
                              "Customer is always right!"
                              Save me from this blight.

                              "I just need one thing!"
                              Kiss my ass; we're closed, liar.
                              It's never just one thing.
                              "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                              "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                              "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                              "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                              "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                              "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                              Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                              "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                              Comment

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