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  • Liquor sales. Ugh.

    At the time the store I worked at opened, we were only allowed by law to sell beer and wine - liquor could only be sold at state-owned mini-marts. A few years back, there was a vote to change the law, and we got to sell liquor. And, being on the graveyard shift, it's been the bane of my existence ever since.

    Our liquor shelves are located in the customer service alcove, which, after 10 PM, is locked with a big metal gate. Between then and cutoff time, if someone wants liquor, the cashier has to page a supervisor (read: me) to get it out of the cage for them. Common sense would dictate that the transaction proceed something like this;

    1) Customer tells cashier what they want
    2) Cashier pages me
    3) Cashier tells me the customer's request
    4) I get it for them
    5) They pay cashier
    6) Everyone goes on with their lives happily

    Unfortunately, it's far more often (especially on the weekends, and especially during the last hour before cutoff) that it goes like this;

    1) Customer tells the cashier they want "a bottle"
    2) Cashier asks what bottle
    3) Customer doesn't know and leaves the line to go stare through the bars of the cage
    4) Cashier pages me hoping they'll have made up their mind in the time it takes me to make it to the front (which can be 1-2 minutes considering how big our store is)
    5) I get there and the customer has wandered off
    6) I go back to work
    7) Cashier pages me again a minute or two later when the customer returns
    8) I arrive to find them still staring through the cage
    9) I ask what I can get for them
    10) They either respond "Uhhhh..." or make a vague request like "Vodka" or "something brown"
    11) I ask for specifics
    12) They ask if they can go in the cage and look
    13) I tell them no, the cage is employees-only after 10 PM
    14) They say they can't see anything and that it wasn't like this "last time"
    15) I state that this is how we've done it every night since we started liquor sales and ask if I can help them make a decision
    16) After about 30 seconds, they start asking for prices on either the very cheapest bottles ("Autocrat", "Wealthy & Elusive", etc.) or the most expensive bottles ("Silver Swan", "Boss", O'Shaugnessy, etc.)
    17) I rattle off the prices from memory, including sales tax, because I've had this conversation so many times and done the math in my head so many times that I can tell you without even looking at the tag what the post-tax price is on most of our more popular items
    18) They insist that the tag reads a much lower price (even though a few minutes ago they insisted they couldn't see anything through the cage)
    19) I explain how our state's liquor tax works (20.5% sales tax, plus a volume tax of $3.77 per liter)
    20) They ask for a pint of "Autocrat"
    21) I tell them we don't sell that in pints - we have fifths and half-gallons, the only pints and minis we have are for top-shelf brands "Silver Swan" and "Imperial Circlet" and so forth
    22) They start conversing among themselves about their tastes, and may or may not have to make a phone call
    23) I look at the clock and remind them that we need a decision soon
    24) They finally settle on a mid-shelf bottle like "Definit"
    25) I tell them I'll bring it to the cashier
    26) They try to hand me ID and/or cash through the gate
    27) I tell them the cashier will handle that
    28) They're shocked that they have to stand in line and ask if they can use self-checkout
    29) Self-checkout is closed
    30) They hang their heads in defeat and go stand in line
    31) Everyone walks away feeling like they wasted their time and my boss asks me why I'm taking such a long time getting my area stocked

    And that's assuming that, once they finally get to the "providing currency in exchange for goods" part of the transaction, they actually have money, they have their IDs ready to present, and they haven't spent so much time dicking around that it's past 2 AM and we now can't legally sell it to them (and no, it doesn't matter how long you've been in line or when you walked through the door, and yes you can speak to my boss and he'll tell you the exact same thing I just did, thanks for playing.)

    Honestly, the easiest liquor sales to handle are the broke-ass alcoholics - they know right off the bat that they want a fifth of "Autocrat" 100 proof, they know to the penny whether they can afford it or not, and they don't waste a second of anyone's time in asking for it, paying for it, and leaving with it.

  • #2
    Quoth Smapti View Post
    Honestly, the easiest liquor sales to handle are the broke-ass alcoholics - they know right off the bat that they want a fifth of "Autocrat" 100 proof, they know to the penny whether they can afford it or not, and they don't waste a second of anyone's time in asking for it, paying for it, and leaving with it.
    That is because they know it is the quickest way they can start drinking it.
    "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

    Comment


    • #3
      #10 - If you select your booze by just asking for "something brown" you are either WAY too drunk already, or have lower standards than a broke-ass alcoholic.
      When you start at zero, everything's progress.

      Comment


      • #4
        The only way I would ever ask for something brown is if I'm in a beer bar, and am asking about their browns, as I do love brown ales. Because, as those of you who are beer drinkers know, brown is actually a style in the world of beer.

        It is not a style in the world of liquor, despite what some people would have you believe.

        "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
        Still A Customer."

        Comment


        • #5
          Here in NC, fifths of 90-proof Autocrat is, by far, the most popular single SKU the ABC system sells.

          I wonder if it's sufficiently drinkable to serve as a well Vodka, and most of those sales are low-mid-range bars? (The stores sell plenty of other bottom-shelf fifths and handles, some of which are marginally cheaper than Autocrat...)

          On another note, not only is Autocrat the most popular product, it's also ridiculously profitable for the state, with a retail price (as of a couple years ago) 1,150% over the wholesale. (The percentage comes not from any sort of punitive markup applied to specifically to Autocrat, but because there are certain fixed charges per liter (freight, "bailment", excise, etc.) It's still eye-opening that it has a wholesale price of only about fifty cents per bottle.)

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Jester View Post
            The only way I would ever ask for something brown is if I'm in a beer bar, and am asking about their browns, as I do love brown ales. Because, as those of you who are beer drinkers know, brown is actually a style in the world of beer.
            I actually nabbed on impulse, what turned out to be a pretty good black ale, flavor between blue moon and newcastle.
            Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

            Comment


            • #7
              Sounds delicious....and not available within a thousand miles of me.

              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
              Still A Customer."

              Comment


              • #8
                I can tell you from personal experience that Autocrat is no good for making white Russians - it makes the milk curdle and the end result is chunky and undrinkable.

                It's the least expensive bottle we sell - anything cheaper you'll have to go to Bevmo or one of the minimarts that are grandfathered in from the old state store system. (Only stores with more than 10,000 square feet of floor space are allowed to sell liquor except the former state stores.) We tend to sell a lot of the cheapest bottles and the most expensive bottles we carry ($70 range) and not much of the stuff in the middle.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Cooks Illustrated suggested that you could seriously improve cheap vodka by running it through a water filter (like Brita) a few times. Doesn't match the top-drawer stuff, especially if you want it neat, but if you are using it in mixed drinks, it does help.

                  I have always regretted not buying the bottle of Mike Tyson brand vodka I saw in Kyrgyzstan. The Russian canned vodka was, well, it contained alcohol.

                  (edited because I had the wrong Stan.)
                  Last edited by nutraxfornerves; 01-30-2016, 03:55 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth nutraxfornerves View Post
                    Cooks Illustrated suggested that you could seriously improve cheap vodka by running it through a water filter (like Brita) a few times. Doesn't match the top-drawer stuff, especially if you want it neat, but if you are using it in mixed drinks, it does help.
                    I know Mythbusters did a show a while back testing several bottom, mid and top shelf Vodkas running the bottom and mid shelf ones through various filter systems. They then brought in an alcohol expert to discern the differences. The expert got 90% correct and even Jamie and Kari could tell the difference.
                    I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                    -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


                    "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth MoonCat View Post
                      #10 - If you select your booze by just asking for "something brown" you are either WAY too drunk already, or have lower standards than a broke-ass alcoholic.
                      No - if you're WAY too drunk already, you describe your booze as being "green".
                      Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth wolfie View Post
                        No - if you're WAY too drunk already, you describe your booze as being "green".
                        Aldebaran whiskey! Who do you think gave it to Guinan?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I also live in this state. So many people in my area seem to repeatedly forget 2am is the legal cutoff for alcohol.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth wolfie View Post
                            No - if you're WAY too drunk already, you describe your booze as being "green".
                            As in Creme de Menthe or Midori?
                            "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Actually, VComps got it. The TNG ("Relics" episode - guest appearance by James Doohan) reference was a shout-out to an episode on TOS.
                              Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

                              Comment

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