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  • #16
    Dear Old Guy Who I Had To Help Today:

    First, you asked me if we carried a specific kind of wiping cloth.

    One with holes on one side, and the other side had a scrubber on it.

    I was unable to find it for you.

    Then you decided to tell me about how you used to buy this particular cloth everywhere, particularly K-Mart, which has been absent from our city for close to 15 years, that you were good friends with the K-Mart manager and you used to go bowling on Friday nights, and how that particular cloth was very useful for washing dishes, and how you don't like to use scrub brushes or dishrags or blah blah blah blah blah....

    All I have to say to you is: Does this story have a point? Or does it just ramble on and on endlessly like my job?

    Your Friendly Befuddled Neighborhood Stock Monkey And Creepy Furniture Goon,
    Irv
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

    Comment


    • #17
      Dear idiots on Roswell Road.

      For the love of god stop crossing the road where it's four lanes, at night, wearing black clothes.

      Someone will hit you!

      Thanks
      Driver of the Piratemobile
      What if Humans are just Dire Halflings?

      Comment


      • #18
        Dear Bitch in my History of Africa class,
        You have two papers to write before tomorrow, and that's our professor's fault how? You know, some of us know how to manage our time, and you bitching and moaning and putting the poor man down every time he assigns us something that's required to be more than half a page long doesn't mean he's the worst person ever. On the contrary; he's actually a very nice, sweet little man from Kenya with an awesome accent and a very genial teaching style. He's given us extensions before out of the kindness of his heart, and yet you still complain and gripe and act belligerent towards him every time he gives us an assignment.

        Hey! Guess what? You're in a MFing history class. And you know what history majors do? We read, and more importantly, we write. So get over yourself, shove your pretentious attitude up your ass and write your damn paper.

        Love (please get hit in the head with someone blunt it'll make you smarter),
        marty.
        Would you like a Stummies?

        Comment


        • #19
          Quoth Slytovhand View Post
          Dear Jester,

          ...WTF???

          Slyt
          I thought it was obvious. I despise my middle name, and want it to go away. Preferably far away. Say, Madagascar. Or Pluto. It's one of only two things I have never forgiven my mother for. The other one being lima beans.

          "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
          Still A Customer."

          Comment


          • #20
            Dear my partner's parents,
            Yes, I swear. I enjoy swearing. I do choose to ensure I do not swear around you, however. I do not swear around my family either. I do not swear around children. (Other than accidentally saying "poobumhead" near my niece once, but she giggled so it's ok).

            Telling me that "I should just know why swearing is wrong" is not a basis of debate.

            Just because I swear around my friends, and around your son does not make me a bully. I do not "itimidate" people by swearing. I do not swear AT people, I swear in my general language use. How is it that someone who swears is automatically a bully? It makes no sense, and is a massive generalisation. And where do you get off trying to tell me that I'm a bully? Obviously you have used the past 4 and a half years you have known me to completely ignore who I am.

            It also does not mean that my vocabulary is such that I can not think of any other words to use instead of curse words. It's just that swearing sometimes has a better impact that other words which it could be replaced with, such as Fuck you! as opposed to Sod off! It enhances my vocabulary.

            Nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of myself because my partner swears around me. It does not mean that he doesn't respect me, it means that I don't find it a big deal. It should not reflect badly on me, take some freaking responsibility for how you raised YOUR son. How is anything that your son does my fault? It seems that you have washed your hands of him, and have now made me his guardian. Maybe it's so that you have less effort to put in as a parent, not that I have seen you do any fucking parenting EVER unless it was while sitting on your couch while watching your constant stream of shitty tv shows.

            Your pissed off future daughter in law who wishes you'd get a life or a brain,
            Alfie

            Comment


            • #21
              Dear Garbage men,

              QUIT BREAKING MY GARBAGE BARRELS!!!!!
              Quote Dalesys:
              ... as in "Ifn thet dawg comes at me, Ima gonna shutz ma panz!"

              Comment


              • #22
                Dear tourists:

                The gas pedal is the one on the RIGHT. I know the speed limits are slow down here, but they AREN'T 10 mph! Oh, you want to check out the sights? Fine. PARK THE FUCKING CAR AND WALK, OR CHECK OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE. Some of us need to get where we're going before we're eligible for retirement!

                Yeah. Thanks.

                Late Jester.


                Dear Jester,

                You know, you would stress out a lot less for these cookoffs you participate in if you would just stop procrastinating and get stuff done earlier in the day. ESPECIALLY when you are making something you have never made before. Asshole.

                Annoyed Jester.

                "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                Still A Customer."

                Comment


                • #23
                  Dear friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend...

                  Someday, we need to pick a position and stick with it.

                  -Mysty
                  "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    My Open Letters

                    Dear Head Hunters,

                    You all are of great annoyance and frustration to me. I hate that you don't call when you say you will to tell me if I get to come in for another interview or if I got the job. How unprofessional and discourteous of you. What pisses me off is how you want to pigeon-hole people like me into the same type of work despite my qualifications. Worse is how extremely high of standards you all have for a grunt job with crappy pay. Get over yourselves. Not even a recent college grad would go for that, unless they were really really desperate. The worst part of all is how you like to post up these ads for seemingly great jobs that are nothing but either commission only sales bullshit or overly-glorified crappy jobs. I am not job hunting for fun, stop wasting my time, you asshats.



                    Tropicsgoddess



                    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


                    Dear S,

                    I hope that you finally got it in your pecan-sized brain that I don't want you speaking to me anymore in any way shape or form. I have been telling you so many fucking times that it's disrespectful that you keep attempting to do so when I am engaged and living with my fiancé. It's been 5 years since I dumped you and all the whining you've been doing about how I "hurt you emotionally" etc. needs to stop. Move on already! You're full of shit every time you've told me (more than once) that you're getting married , when A who is supposedly your homeboy spills the beans on how you keep getting dumped because you're a pathetic pansy. For somebody who is 3 1/2 years my senior you sure are petty and immature and I do not regret dumping your sorry ass at all. Please for the love of all things holy leave me the fuck alone and man up you fucking wuss.


                    Tropicsgoddess
                    I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
                    Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
                    Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Quoth Jester View Post
                      Dear tourists:

                      The gas pedal is the one on the RIGHT. I know the speed limits are slow down here, but they AREN'T 10 mph! Oh, you want to check out the sights? Fine. PARK THE FUCKING CAR AND WALK, OR CHECK OUT WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE. Some of us need to get where we're going before we're eligible for retirement!

                      Yeah. Thanks.

                      Late Jester.

                      I think I love you. I yell this at someone every single day.

                      PS. I must write my letter later as I am currently in the same room with the person to be written about.
                      Last edited by Rubyred; 04-02-2008, 12:03 AM.
                      www.myspace.com/queenofevrything

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Dear SO's High School Teacher,

                        You are a vindictive cunt, and I don't use that word lightly. Do you realize that now, years after you "lost" his high school transcripts to prevent him from graduating after he upset your pet student, it is still screwing him over? I don't care WHAT he did to the teacher's pet- it was high school drama, not a criminal offense, and I wish I'd known about it at the time so I could have taken you in front of the school board over it before he buckled under your pressure and insults and consented to withdraw from school. You told a student he'd never amount to anything and he was worthless- what kind of a teacher are you?

                        I hope that someday you really need a document from someone in order to keep your job, and they shred it right in front of you and tell you they lost it.

                        Oh, and I know about your paranoid personality disorder. It's no excuse, bitch. Get a job where you don't deal with young people or anyone you can fuck over.

                        With Hate,
                        Resume Tweaking Girlfriend
                        My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

                        Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Dear Arsenal

                          Please please beat Liverpool in the Champions League. I say this because anytime that Chelsea plays Liverpool the matches become so boring that they are one day going to be used as sleep aids. They're that bad.

                          Dear Michigan:

                          Stop snowing, please? It's April ffs and I'm getting sick of cleaning off my car.
                          The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Quoth MystyGlyttyr View Post
                            Dear friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend friend not friend...

                            Someday, we need to pick a position and stick with it.

                            -Mysty
                            Man, I wish I'd seen this before choosing the "not friend" option on a...well...a "not friend".

                            I mean, I still would have chosen "not friend", but it would have made a witty retort before I made the commitment.



                            Dear Guys with Buckets Collecting Money for an Alleged Charity At the Red Light,

                            Get your dumb ass the FUCK out of the road! I have enough to worry about without having to worry about some dicksmack that lacks the intellence to not play in traffic!

                            You knock on my window, you're gonna end up fitted with a hook. Get out of the road!

                            RK
                            Last edited by RecoveringKinkoid; 04-02-2008, 02:37 AM.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Dear Grandma W,

                              I am not five years old. I haven't been for almost 17 years now. I can legally drink. I can walk on the beach at dusk and not drown, k?

                              Your greatly annoyed granddaughter
                              What if Humans are just Dire Halflings?

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Quoth iradney View Post
                                Dear fatcells

                                Please stop expanding and multiplying. You're beginning to piss me off.

                                Love

                                rads
                                Quoth tropicsgoddess View Post
                                Dear Head Hunters,

                                You all are of great annoyance and frustration to me. I hate that you don't call when you say you will to tell me if I get to come in for another interview or if I got the job. How unprofessional and discourteous of you. What pisses me off is how you want to pigeon-hole people like me into the same type of work despite my qualifications. Worse is how extremely high of standards you all have for a grunt job with crappy pay. Get over yourselves. Not even a recent college grad would go for that, unless they were really really desperate. The worst part of all is how you like to post up these ads for seemingly great jobs that are nothing but either commission only sales bullshit or overly-glorified crappy jobs. I am not job hunting for fun, stop wasting my time, you asshats.

                                Tropicsgoddess
                                Gotta give a "DITTO!" and a to both of these letters!

                                Okay, here's mine:

                                Dear temp job,

                                You've got concrete floors. You expect your employees to stand for eight-hour shifts, five days a week. It would be very kind of you to invest in some anti-fatigue floor mats, as well as work tables set at a proper height so that we don't have to bend over to work on them. Otherwise, you will lose more and more temps due to horrible back pain, just as you did me.

                                Oh, and if you want us to wear your work uniform, you might try investing in some sizes that real people wear. Very few people can wear 28 W X 38 L pants, at least not safely. And who had the brain seizure to come up with putting the final step of the assembly all the way back at the start of the assembly line?! Ergonomics, planning, safety. All good words.

                                Please get your act together,
                                XCashier
                                I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                                My LiveJournal
                                A page we can all agree with!

                                Comment

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