Undesirables

[prjkt]

Undesirables.

You know who I'm talking about. The regulars or semi-regulars who you wish weren't.

They come in, waste your time, make you gag, want to hit your head on the desk, tell them to shut up or a combination of the above.

Here's a few stories about some of the undesirables I've dealth with at my camera shop.

Mr. Disgusting

Ok so this bloke, is porbably middle-aged or a bit older, and I think he lives on his own based in his state of attire and personal hygiene - I'll come back to this.

He bought a camera from us, and having basically no idea what he's doing, booked in to one of our free introductory photography courses.

So the day of the course arrives, and he's forgotten his camera. Sits around a for a few minutes wasting the trainers time, then comes to the counter to book in a new course.

Now, this takes a while, because he decides to yap on about a whole bunch of unrelated crap I really don't recall, a process we at the store call "Wafting."

What I do remember about this time was that while looking at him I could see his tongue. It was covered with crumbs and bits of uneaten/unswallowed food. I couldn't quite comprehend this - how can someone not know their tongue is still covered in food?

Throughout the conversation, I noticed specks appearing on the bench in front of him. Yes, he was spitting that crap in his mouth all over the bench, and he was completely oblivious to it.

Resisting the urge not to gag, I wrapped up the conversation somehow, and he toddled off out of the shop. I then sacrificed a sponge to clean the bench, which I then threw out, and washed my hands several times over and over and over again.

When he came back for the second course, he'd actually remembered his camera, and had brought along a snack (which he proceeded to spit all over himself) and a coffee (which of course he spilt all over himself.)

The trainer was suitably disgusted.

He reappeared once during the Christmas rush and my new casual staff member copped him. She came up to me later and told me she felt dirty after being in his presence. I told her to go wash her hands.

Smelly Ignorant Granny(not sure if she's actually a grandma or not)

Some background here, this woman comes in once every couple of weeks or so to print photos. She stinks. She must be a chain-smoker or something, because I start to choke if I'm within a metre or so of her, it's like she sleeps in an ashtray. Her voice, while accented, hints to me that she's not all there. It's always much louder than it needs to be, and she just sounds "lost."

Initially she started complaining that the photo quality was really bad, but eventually we must have managed to convince her that her decade old sh*tty camera was to blame, as we haven't had any complaints in that manner recently.

MY biggest issue with this woman, apart from her odour, is that she doesn't listen to us. At all. She will ask a question, we'll answer, and before we can finish she'll start talking at us again. She'll then argue that "nobody told her" when she'd been told at least three or four times that particular visit....

When she asks for help, she just yells. "Hello? I need help" regardless of how busy we are..

SIG: "Hello?"
Staff: "We'll be with you soon"
SIG: "But I need help"
Staff: "And we're all busy"

And it's always the same questions, every visit.

First major I remember issue with her was related to cropping. Now her crappy ancient camera shoots at a 4:3 ratio to match old CRT computer monitor resolutions (for some reason compact cameras still do this) while the standard 4x6" photos is a 2:3 ratio, meaning a certain amount of the top and bottom of the photo will be cut off when printing. The printing kiosk clearly shows what's going to be kept, and what's not.

SIG: I want you to check to make sure the photos are ok.
Me: The photos are printed exactly as they're shown on the screen
SIG: But you'll check?
Me: No, but you were shown on the screen (someone had already shown her this)
SIG: No I wasn't.

Photos come out, heads have been cut off.

SIG: I TOLD YOU TO CHECK!
Me: And we told you that the kiosk shows you exactly what happens before you print.
Lab op: I'll show you.

This happened more than once.

She came in one day when I was having trouble breathing properly, so I sent the relief manager (a middle-aged man) to deal with her.

I was working on rosters while my 2IC was processing invoices during this time, and we were trying not to laugh, as RM was getting really frustrated with her, we'd be hearing things like, "I just told you that!" and "That's what you asked for."

What really caused me to lose the plot and go out the back into the stockroom in hysterics was when the RM lost his cool and almost shouted, "WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP TALKING AND START LISTENING!"

She still didn't learn her lesson, on her next visit we managed to snap a shot of her oblivious on the kiosk while the staff member trying to help her facepalmed.

Things didn't really change much, until the Christmas rush started, when there was no chance we'd be helping her.

SIG: "I need help printing pictures."
Lab op: "No you don't, you've been here enough times to know what to do."
SIG: "I've never printed here before."

Cue much laughter at her expense.

On her last visit, she ordered same day prints, and then called up. I looked at my 2IC as he got the call, and he looked really confused, so once the call ended he relayed the conversation.

SIG: "It's (SIG), I just wanted to tell you the bus has come.
2IC: "I'm sorry?"
SIG: "The bus has come."
2IC: "Yes?"
SIG: "I printed pictures earlier, but the bus has come."
2IC: "So you're telling me you can't get them today?"
SIG: "Yes, the bus has come."

Sir Waft-a-lot

This guy's not as bad as the above, spends a lot of money, but damn he takes a lot of time to do so.
We've gathered that prior to retirement, he used to be an engineer of some sort, which I guess kind of explains why he's so "precise" about everything.

In my time at that store, he's spent thousands on cameras, possibly tens of thousands.

He keeps talking numbers and specifications which in most cases don't really mean a great deal to actually taking a photo, or enjoying the craft. My 2IC is convinced he's sucked the life out of photography and is just going through the motions, losing his mind, or both.

And while being very technical about it, he's technically wrong - he kept telling us that his phone took a sharper photo than a $2K SLR, because when taking a photo of a tree stump in his backyard, a sign way off in the distance in the background is sharper on his phone than the SLR - no understanding of depth of field or true quality at all.

He'll also almost abuse our 14 day exchange policy, the number of times he's bought something, then come in to swap it for the most ridiculous reasons, sometimes relying on the dreaded forum expert, or even worse, Ken Rockwell...


I'm sure I've got a few more to post, but this'll do for now.

[Trixie]

I usually get a lot of older people who need a lot of help. People who have no idea what kind of phone they have. Sorry but from 4 feet away all the phone kinda look alike and showing me the bottom isn't going to tell me what cord I need to give you to print your pictures.

Or the people that have professional pictures and I'll ask if they have permission to print them have no idea what I mean. Lots of churches do portraits for people and people want copies. I had an older woman a few years back come in with wallet size photos taped to a piece of paper and she wanted copies. She asked a few times if I could do it and I kept saying no. Besides the fact of the whole copyright thing, the thing she wanted copied would look like shit because the pictures were just taped all over the place. Then there was the drunk lady who kept falling asleep when I was trying to help her. Luckily she had someone to take her home, that was more sad than anything.

[EricKei]

he kept telling us that his phone took a sharper photo than a $2K SLR

Some people are just smart enough to be stupid...

My knowledge of cameras doesn't extend too far beyond "which way to point it" and "how to select the proper ISO setting for the lighting situation," and even I was aghast at this level of idiocy.

[wolfie]

Let's see. $1k phone (assume he's dealing with a top-end PhrootFone or a Galaxy) which includes a camera. Manufacturer needs to put in either a fast (expensive) lens and a focusing mechanism, or a slow (cheap) lens with enough depth of field to handle 95% of all photos. They also need to put moolah into the specialized phone circuitry, and what's basically a general-purpose computer.

$2k DSLR. Doesn't need to be able to make phone calls, operate as a GPS, or be a general-purpose computer. Start with twice the budget, and it ALL goes into the camera function.

No question of which is a better camera.

[prjkt]

I think he was confusing "depth of field" with sharpness - which basically means the amount of distance where objects in front and behind the focal point appear sharp - the smaller the sensor (phone cameras are probably no more than a mm or so, the deeper the depth of field. A "full frame" SLR like the one I regularly use has a 35mm sensor, and I sometimes struggle to get what I want all in focus, so I go back to my backup with a 24mm sensor. It was still he strangest photographic technology conversation I'd ever had more than once.

[Racket_Man]

, operate as a GPS, .

Not entirely true in a manner of speaking. Even the $300 lower end digital camera I bought a couple of years ago has built in GPS stuff/receiver for geographically marking a photo or video (option to turn it off and on) but obviously this can not be used to plot a trip.

[Geek King]

No question of which is a better camera.

Well, I'd still be wary. I've seen some very expensive turds.

But you're right, a specialized device is quite likely to be better than something that tries to be everything.

[flyonthewall]

We have some regulars who don't buy enough to justify their maintenance. Constant returns, complaints, needy, trying to get special deals, etc. There's one lady who will badger associates to get her special markdowns.. Say things like, "Meet me in the ____ section during your break so we can discuss this in private!"

WTF, it'd be nice if these annoying parasites would GO AWAY. Pretending to like these people is exhausting. I want to murder them.

[Dreamstalker]

There's a certain subset of the population who loves to complain about prices and sales, and scam as much as they can. I answer them simply and walk away (while still keeping a close eye on them) so as not to get sucked into their insanity vortex.

We have a few regulars who, for reasons completely unknown, always smell like shit or something close to it. They're all oblivious to it, and always have some issue at SCO which requires an attendant to be in their gas cloud for at least two minutes. Most of them are civil however and nowhere near as bad as...

The one known only as Pee Lady or Urinetown. Yes, she has become an actual customer by occasionally buying something (usually from the deli case--deli manager has said something on more than one occasion but she remains un-banned...I don't know if customers have complained). Woe is the cashier/bagger that has to deal with her...anyone who gets her will shut down immediately afterwards and go on the loading dock to get some air before using Lysol "hospital wipes" on the entire register. My chest gets tight if she's within two aisles and if you see someone spraying Febreeze wildly around the store, that's why. We don't know if she's actually homeless; nobody ever sees her at night or on public transit but I can't imagine a shelter or bus/train driver putting up with the aroma.

[Marmalady]

We have a few regulars who, for reasons completely unknown, always smell like shit or something close to it.

Oh, lordy.

There's this little old lady who we generally see in store a couple of times a week. She never comes in without visiting the disabled bathroom. And the smell she leaves behind is.... well, put it this way - the other day, I walked past the door and thought, 'There is something truly appalling in there waiting for me to clean up'

But when I opened the door.... nothing. Floor, toilet, all appeared normal. Yet the stink was utterly horrific. I nipped out to the desk and asked if I could borrow their can of air freshener (there are wall mounted fresheners in each bathroom, which give out timed releases of fragrance, but I figured this needed direct action) According to the till operators, they all dread her choosing their till - her age makes her slow, and they have no option but to sit there and try not to breathe.

There must be something medically wrong, I'm sure of it, and I do feel so sorry for her, but... oh dear.

[greek_jester]

There's this little old lady who we generally see in store a couple of times a week. She never comes in without visiting the disabled bathroom. And the smell she leaves behind is.... well, put it this way - the other day, I walked past the door and thought, 'There is something truly appalling in there waiting for me to clean up'

There must be something medically wrong, I'm sure of it, and I do feel so sorry for her, but... oh dear.

It could be she's emptying a colostomy bag. My mum went in the disabled after a gentleman did this, and the smell was appalling. It did linger around him as he left as well, since he'd had no choice but to stand there marinating while he emptied it.

[ladyjaneinmd]

Here you go: http://citrusmagic.beaumontproducts.com/
This stuff is the best thing I've ever come across to help with those smells. It doesn't just cover up the bad smell with a bright citrusy smell - it actually seems to make them go away. I swear by it. You don't want to know why.

[prjkt]

Lemon juice actually does "erase" bad odours sometimes, leaving a half-cut lemon in a smelly fridge will kill it, something about thr citric acid particles that vaporise into the surrounding air actually breaking up the things that cause odours, it's kind of cool actually

[WishfulSpirit]

Oxyclean or hydrogen peroxide is great for odors as well. The oxyegen molecules actually chemically deactivate thails (the compounds that make skunk smell, feces and some species of rot smell bad). We've used it on the floor when Doggie has had an accident and it removes it well enough that he isn't drawn to re-mark, and since he's blind, he relies on his nose even more than most dogs do.

[Marmalady]

The trouble is that we are only supposed to use the products supplied by the company. And given that these are about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike, it can be very hard to get the bathrooms as fresh and fragrant as we would like