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I'm on my second go 'round in wireless customer service, working for the "red checkmark". I honestly believe that the cell phone industry deals with some of the MOST entitled SCs on the planet...
That's not FAIR!
Me: Thank you for calling <red checkmark>, how may I help you?
SC: Yeah, when I got home from work last night, my Galaxy Note 3 wouldn't turn on. I've plugged it into the charger, taken the battery out, held down the power button and it's not responding at all.
Me: Ok, well let's try a few more tricks to see if we can get it to come back.
(I run through some troubleshooting...no luck)
Me: It appears this phone is a goner and will need to be replaced, your warranty expired one month ago but I checked your account and you're upgrade eligible at the moment so you could get a replacement device that way. If you'd prefer to not be under a contract we also have our installment plan available.
SC: One month? I'm only one month out of warranty? That sucks. I swear it's almost like Samsung did this to me on purpose.
(yes you're right, Samsung techs have nothing better to do than brick random Note 3's shortly after they go off warranty)
Me: I work with these phones all day long and I know it sucks that have a phone die on you so soon after the warranty ends but I assure you it's nothing Samsung has done deliberately.
SC: Can't you guys like, do anything for me? I mean it's only one month.
Me: I understand what you're saying, but the manufacturers set the warranty for one year. Thirteen months is longer than one year. As a reminder you do have your upgrade available to get a replacement.
SC: I really don't want to use my upgrade and be stuck under a contract if I don't need to. This is so stupid that I'm just stuck with a dead phone, I mean that's not fair to me. It's only a few weeks off warranty.
Me: I sympathize sir and I know it's inconvenient but there's no getting around the fact that it is off warranty. I would be happy to further discuss your other options with you if you like.
SC: No, thank you. This is NOT fair to me and I don't think I should be stuck with a useless phone this close to the end of the warranty nor should I be required to pay for a replacement.
Me: Again, I understand but there are no "no cost" replacement options available to you at this time.
SC: Okay, can I like, speak to a manager or something? This is ridiculous.
(I am in full agreement with you)
Me: Certainly, please hold while I bring one on the line.
My manager promptly shot down the SC. He's good like that.
But "they" told me...
I don't know who this mysterious "they" are but apparently they are some shadowy group that only exist to make outrageous promises to our customers without leaving any record behind apparently as a means of playing some kind of sick joke on us.
(Summary: Customer calls in about a data connection problem, he's called in about it before and though it's been fixed, the problem seems to reappear every couple of months or so. Of course the customer swears he has no clue why)
Me: Well since this problem keeps reoccurring with this phone I believe it's time to get it replaced. Let me look at your options. Well, you have no insurance, and aren't upgrade eligible yet. You're also off warranty but you could get a new phone under our installment plan.
SC: Well here's the thing, the last time I called about this, they told me (Oh boy, here it comes...) that if I needed to get my phone replaced, you guys would cover it at no charge.
Me: That's exactly what they told you?
SC: That's what the guy said, yes.
Me: Let me take a moment to check the notes. (Of course, it's not in the notes, it's NEVER in the notes. I'm not saying Reps never make stupid promises to customers, but they seldom note them when they do. For situations like this, if nothing is in the notes, we cannot honor it)
Me: I do see a record of the call you're talking about but there is no mention in the notes about us promising you a free replacement. I am not calling you a liar, but since there is no record of the promise we won't be able to honor it.
SC: Oh come on! That's stupid!
Me: I apologize sir and again, I'm not doubting what you were told but we do have policies to abide by here and as much as I may want to, I can't just press a magic button and give you a free phone.
SC: They told me they would replace it.
Me: Do you happen to remember the name of the person who told you this?
SC: No, I don't. (Of course not, they NEVER do!)
Me: Well then I'm afraid I won't be able to do much for you in that regard, but we can still talk about replacement options if you like.
SC: What I'd like is for your company to give me the phone you promised me.
Me: As I already said, without any record of that, there's nothing we can do about it.
SC: That's bullshit, can I speak to your supervisor please?
Me: Certainly, please hold while I contact him.
As before, my manager gets on and shoots down the SC. Did I mention he's good at this?
Let me get this straight...
We sent you an Iphone. You claim you never got it. Yet we have proof it was delivered to YOUR address and our records also indicate the device was active on your account for awhile after that date. Despite this, you still swear up and down you never got the phone and never used it and someone must have swiped it from you and somehow used your SIM card in it for a brief period of time, then returned said SIM card to your previous phone, all without you knowing.
I am therefore forced to conclude that you share a neighborhood with highly skilled ninja pranksters who apparently have waaay too much time on their hands.
Let me get right on that credit for you...NOT!
In which I lose more faith in humanity
SC: Yeah, something's messed up on my phone, I can't hear my ringtones when people call me! I've missed a whole bunch of calls, you all need to fix this now.
Me: Well, the problem is either the speaker or the settings on your phone.
SC: I checked the speaker settings, that ain't it!
Me: Ok then. With your permission, I'd like to connect with your device and check some other settings to help get this problem fixed.
SC: Sure go ahead.
(note: I quite like having a remote tool available to me, makes troubleshooting certain calls soooo much easier)
Me: Ok, well everything seems stable and functional so far. Let's go ahead and double check your sound settings.
(I pull up the volume settings and sure enough, his ringtone volume is set to about as low as you can possibly get it short of having no sound at all. I tell him to slide it up to maximum)
Me: Alright, let me make a test call to you and see what happens.
SC: Hey! It's working now! Thanks so much man, you're awesome!
(If only all my calls were this easy...)
Short and not so sweet
I was speaking to a woman who told me three, count 'em THREE times that she saw absolutely nothing beside the signal bars on her phone. Ten minutes into the call I discover there was something there: Her wifi indicator. I tell her to turn it off and magically she has mobile network access again.
Thank you madam for wasting eight minutes of my life. Really, I had nothing better to do with them anyway.
That's not FAIR!
Me: Thank you for calling <red checkmark>, how may I help you?
SC: Yeah, when I got home from work last night, my Galaxy Note 3 wouldn't turn on. I've plugged it into the charger, taken the battery out, held down the power button and it's not responding at all.
Me: Ok, well let's try a few more tricks to see if we can get it to come back.
(I run through some troubleshooting...no luck)
Me: It appears this phone is a goner and will need to be replaced, your warranty expired one month ago but I checked your account and you're upgrade eligible at the moment so you could get a replacement device that way. If you'd prefer to not be under a contract we also have our installment plan available.
SC: One month? I'm only one month out of warranty? That sucks. I swear it's almost like Samsung did this to me on purpose.
(yes you're right, Samsung techs have nothing better to do than brick random Note 3's shortly after they go off warranty)
Me: I work with these phones all day long and I know it sucks that have a phone die on you so soon after the warranty ends but I assure you it's nothing Samsung has done deliberately.
SC: Can't you guys like, do anything for me? I mean it's only one month.
Me: I understand what you're saying, but the manufacturers set the warranty for one year. Thirteen months is longer than one year. As a reminder you do have your upgrade available to get a replacement.
SC: I really don't want to use my upgrade and be stuck under a contract if I don't need to. This is so stupid that I'm just stuck with a dead phone, I mean that's not fair to me. It's only a few weeks off warranty.
Me: I sympathize sir and I know it's inconvenient but there's no getting around the fact that it is off warranty. I would be happy to further discuss your other options with you if you like.
SC: No, thank you. This is NOT fair to me and I don't think I should be stuck with a useless phone this close to the end of the warranty nor should I be required to pay for a replacement.
Me: Again, I understand but there are no "no cost" replacement options available to you at this time.
SC: Okay, can I like, speak to a manager or something? This is ridiculous.
(I am in full agreement with you)
Me: Certainly, please hold while I bring one on the line.
My manager promptly shot down the SC. He's good like that.
But "they" told me...
I don't know who this mysterious "they" are but apparently they are some shadowy group that only exist to make outrageous promises to our customers without leaving any record behind apparently as a means of playing some kind of sick joke on us.
(Summary: Customer calls in about a data connection problem, he's called in about it before and though it's been fixed, the problem seems to reappear every couple of months or so. Of course the customer swears he has no clue why)
Me: Well since this problem keeps reoccurring with this phone I believe it's time to get it replaced. Let me look at your options. Well, you have no insurance, and aren't upgrade eligible yet. You're also off warranty but you could get a new phone under our installment plan.
SC: Well here's the thing, the last time I called about this, they told me (Oh boy, here it comes...) that if I needed to get my phone replaced, you guys would cover it at no charge.
Me: That's exactly what they told you?
SC: That's what the guy said, yes.
Me: Let me take a moment to check the notes. (Of course, it's not in the notes, it's NEVER in the notes. I'm not saying Reps never make stupid promises to customers, but they seldom note them when they do. For situations like this, if nothing is in the notes, we cannot honor it)
Me: I do see a record of the call you're talking about but there is no mention in the notes about us promising you a free replacement. I am not calling you a liar, but since there is no record of the promise we won't be able to honor it.
SC: Oh come on! That's stupid!
Me: I apologize sir and again, I'm not doubting what you were told but we do have policies to abide by here and as much as I may want to, I can't just press a magic button and give you a free phone.
SC: They told me they would replace it.
Me: Do you happen to remember the name of the person who told you this?
SC: No, I don't. (Of course not, they NEVER do!)
Me: Well then I'm afraid I won't be able to do much for you in that regard, but we can still talk about replacement options if you like.
SC: What I'd like is for your company to give me the phone you promised me.
Me: As I already said, without any record of that, there's nothing we can do about it.
SC: That's bullshit, can I speak to your supervisor please?
Me: Certainly, please hold while I contact him.
As before, my manager gets on and shoots down the SC. Did I mention he's good at this?
Let me get this straight...
We sent you an Iphone. You claim you never got it. Yet we have proof it was delivered to YOUR address and our records also indicate the device was active on your account for awhile after that date. Despite this, you still swear up and down you never got the phone and never used it and someone must have swiped it from you and somehow used your SIM card in it for a brief period of time, then returned said SIM card to your previous phone, all without you knowing.
I am therefore forced to conclude that you share a neighborhood with highly skilled ninja pranksters who apparently have waaay too much time on their hands.
Let me get right on that credit for you...NOT!
In which I lose more faith in humanity
SC: Yeah, something's messed up on my phone, I can't hear my ringtones when people call me! I've missed a whole bunch of calls, you all need to fix this now.
Me: Well, the problem is either the speaker or the settings on your phone.
SC: I checked the speaker settings, that ain't it!
Me: Ok then. With your permission, I'd like to connect with your device and check some other settings to help get this problem fixed.
SC: Sure go ahead.
(note: I quite like having a remote tool available to me, makes troubleshooting certain calls soooo much easier)
Me: Ok, well everything seems stable and functional so far. Let's go ahead and double check your sound settings.
(I pull up the volume settings and sure enough, his ringtone volume is set to about as low as you can possibly get it short of having no sound at all.
I tell him to slide it up to maximum)Me: Alright, let me make a test call to you and see what happens.
SC: Hey! It's working now! Thanks so much man, you're awesome!
(If only all my calls were this easy...)
Short and not so sweet
I was speaking to a woman who told me three, count 'em THREE times that she saw absolutely nothing beside the signal bars on her phone. Ten minutes into the call I discover there was something there: Her wifi indicator. I tell her to turn it off and magically she has mobile network access again.
Thank you madam for wasting eight minutes of my life. Really, I had nothing better to do with them anyway.
I have a NES top loader from 1993, a SNES from early 90s, Genesis from early 90s, all of which and their cartridges work perfectly even after 20 years or more.
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