Giving Directions...

[DrFaroohk]

I give superb directions. Very specific and to the point. If people would just FOLLOW them, they'd be fine. Problem is, I grew up in an area where most roads didn't have names. Route 1 is "the main road", all other roads "back roads" or "side roads." So naturally I give directions by landmarks and such.

This should still be relatively simple, like "Turn left out of the parking lot, go 5.5 miles until you see a big grey boulder on your left that has 'eat shit' sprayed on it, and take the immediate left after that."

This is what the conversation usually turns into:

"Hey, can you tell me how to get to Route 9?"

"Yep, ya headed to Portland?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, what you do is turn left out of the store and -"

"Is that Route 9?"

"Er, no...so turn left out of the store, go 4 tenths of a mile until you see a Mobile Station on your left, and take the right across the street from it, and -"

"Is that Route 9?"

"Err...no...so you get on that road, go straight until you see a sign that says -"

"Route 9?"

"NO. A sign that says 'Route 192', and take that road -"

"Is that Route 9?"

"Errr...Yes, yes it is. That is route 9. You stay on that road forever and it will take you straight into portland. Have a safe trip sir."

<having just sent him into the barren wasteland of extreme northern canada>

[BookstoreEscapee]

Gah! I was aggravated just reading that! I am rather directionally challenged, as it were, but if I ask for directions I let the person finish, at least, before asking for clarification... and if necessary I write it down. How hard is that?

I would have just wanted to him.

(I also go by landmarks, though I do consider street signs to be landmarks, unlike some people I've met. But sometimes it's easier knowing you're looking for a gas station here or a Starbucks there, since some street signs are hard to read...like in some areas around me where they are on a major road but are so faded you can't read them until you're right under them, if even that...)

[ajr1971]

I had one guy that wanted directions. They were simple as hell. Right out of the parking lot. Drive two blocks, take a right at the stop sign. Continue straight. That was it.

Wrote it down, got a map, highlighted the streets he need to take. Argued with me for 10 minutes that according to the map, he needed to take a left. Finally I told him to go ahead and take a left if he insisted it was correct.

I also love the ones who call wanting directions when they're lost. Especially when you spend 5 minutes talking them to the hotel as they drive, and they still turn off on streets you never told them to turn onto.

Always fun.

[DrFaroohk]

Yeah...of course there's people who give shitty directions too. Like the people who say "get on Dumbass Road and just keep going till you see the pizza hut"...but they forgot to mention that Dumbass Road has a big fork in it, and due to some oversight, both ways are called Dumbass Road.

Or they screw up and say Dumbass Road when they meant Dumbass Lane, and they're both right next to each other.

[slick]

I hate when I try to give directions, and people just assume I am done giving directions, I have even had people hang up on my half way through and then bitch at me later about it! I never said I was I done, why assume that the directions to the hotel are "take exit".

Giving directions is worse when you using "North" but the moron on the phone only understands it as "up".

"okay ma'am, what you want to do is go north on western"
"is that left or right?"

[Listerfiend]

Reminds me of a customer I had once... She wanted to know how to get to a particular kind of store, and luckily there was one nearby. I tell her "you're going to go left out of the parking lot and it will be on your right, about a mile down the road right by the intersection of y and z." She asks me to repeat it not once, but three times. She tried to assure me that she wasn't from the area, but that doesn't give her the excuse of not knowing her left from right. In the end, she made me draw a MAP for her. It was essentially...
____
end |_________________________________________________ ________
|You are here|

Oi... You can't make this stuff up. I mean, how can you actually not understand "down the road on your right"??!!

[Yfandes]

nono the best is when they call to ask for directions, you ask where they are, and they dont know!
me: so what do you see?
lost idiot: a lot of trucks (this is the port of Los Angeles, big surprise)
me: do you see the ocean?
lost idiot: yes! I mean no! (asks passenger if thats the ocean)
sigh...

[slick]

nono the best is when they call to ask for directions, you ask where they are, and they dont know!
me: so what do you see?
lost idiot: a lot of trucks (this is the port of Los Angeles, big surprise)
me: do you see the ocean?
lost idiot: yes! I mean no! (asks passenger if thats the ocean)
sigh...

YES! That is worse, especially when they tell you "I am at an intersection with a 7-11 on the corner". Thanks, considering 7-11's are EVERYWHERE, that helps. Asking "Well, can you tell me which intersection you are at?" is usually followed by, "Uhh...I can't see it, but its next to the 7-11, is that not close to you guys?".

Using gas stations, or fast food restaurants as landmarks won't get you anywhere, just a hint.

[myswtghst]

I will admit, I'm often very bad at NESW directions if I don't have a compass, or am not already aware of the direction I'm headed in (i.e. I can surmise which way is East if I know I'm going North, etc.) but I always let people know that up front when asking for directions.

I can, however, go by landmarks OR street signs, and I never second guess someone when they give me directions in an area they are definitely more familiar with than I am!