Tweet
While I generally hate everyone who sets foot in my store, and silently wish to set many of them on fire, there's one breed in particular that always seem to make me amused. The Stoners.
Everyone knows the Stoners. Whether it's one, or a half-dozen, they descend like a swarm of Zerglings upon the store for cheap munchies and soda. Usually they're just wasted enough to be hilarious to watch, like the two I had the other night. Allow me to set the scene of my amusement.
Stoner One was about my age (mid-twenties), wearing oil-stained khakis, equally stained, formerly white t-shirt, and sneakers that were probably considered fashionable back in the nineties. He's also sporting the saddest looking goatee I've ever seen. I was seriously tempted to offer to put it out of its misery for him.
Stoner Two... I'm pretty sure stepped right from the Las Angeles beach, circa 1980s. This guy just screamed beach bum, from the cut-off shorts to the tie-dye shirt. I kept wondering if he'd parked his surfboard around the side of the building.
So, they come in, loud, proud, and laughing at everything. After grabbing a half-dozen sodas and putting them on the counter, they gravitate towards the 25 cent snacks.
Stoner Two *holding up a pack of nutty buddies with the dumbest grin this side of Bush*: "Dude! Like, how much're these?! Cheap, right?"
Me *having flashbacks to early TMNT cartoons*: "I'd say they're... twenty-five cents, like it says on the package."
Stoner Two turns the package around and looks at the front like he's just seen the Holy Doobie of Ultimate Wastage. "Dude! That's like, so fucking awesome! They do that now?"
Cue me trying to keep from laughing.
Stoner Two: "Dude, I got like twenty bucks, man. Is that like, gonna be enough?"
Stoner One: "Man, I toldja to bring th' fif'y!"
Stoner Two: "Man, shut up! Yo, clerk dude! Twenty gonna be enough, man?"
Me *trying now just to keep from laughing too loudly*: "You have about five bucks worth of stuff guys, I think you got enough."
Both: "Righteous!"
Turns out, Stoner Two DID bring the fifty, and they bought about thirty dollars worth of goodies. I last saw them running down the street, laughing like hyenas while Stoner Two chased Stoner One, threatening his well-being with a package of ho-ho's.
Everyone knows the Stoners. Whether it's one, or a half-dozen, they descend like a swarm of Zerglings upon the store for cheap munchies and soda. Usually they're just wasted enough to be hilarious to watch, like the two I had the other night. Allow me to set the scene of my amusement.
Stoner One was about my age (mid-twenties), wearing oil-stained khakis, equally stained, formerly white t-shirt, and sneakers that were probably considered fashionable back in the nineties. He's also sporting the saddest looking goatee I've ever seen. I was seriously tempted to offer to put it out of its misery for him.
Stoner Two... I'm pretty sure stepped right from the Las Angeles beach, circa 1980s. This guy just screamed beach bum, from the cut-off shorts to the tie-dye shirt. I kept wondering if he'd parked his surfboard around the side of the building.
So, they come in, loud, proud, and laughing at everything. After grabbing a half-dozen sodas and putting them on the counter, they gravitate towards the 25 cent snacks.
Stoner Two *holding up a pack of nutty buddies with the dumbest grin this side of Bush*: "Dude! Like, how much're these?! Cheap, right?"
Me *having flashbacks to early TMNT cartoons*: "I'd say they're... twenty-five cents, like it says on the package."
Stoner Two turns the package around and looks at the front like he's just seen the Holy Doobie of Ultimate Wastage. "Dude! That's like, so fucking awesome! They do that now?"
Cue me trying to keep from laughing.
Stoner Two: "Dude, I got like twenty bucks, man. Is that like, gonna be enough?"
Stoner One: "Man, I toldja to bring th' fif'y!"
Stoner Two: "Man, shut up! Yo, clerk dude! Twenty gonna be enough, man?"
Me *trying now just to keep from laughing too loudly*: "You have about five bucks worth of stuff guys, I think you got enough."
Both: "Righteous!"
Turns out, Stoner Two DID bring the fifty, and they bought about thirty dollars worth of goodies. I last saw them running down the street, laughing like hyenas while Stoner Two chased Stoner One, threatening his well-being with a package of ho-ho's.
But personally, I was always a bit paranoid of going out in public when I was blazed out of my mind, though I've had times where the need for munchables was too great. People used to love me when I was in high school, because whenever I'd come over to smoke, I'd bring cookies and soda. Just seemed like a good idea to get them beforehand, and not have to leave the house, lol.
Comment