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The Numbnut chronicles

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  • #16
    So today I recieved some tragic news...CBFH is going to be forklift trained. Nice to see him screw up so badly with whatever tasks he's assigned and be a total lazy slug and be given more responsibilities and privileges. Once this happens I'm getting the hell out of the backroom when and if he hops on the forklift, lest I become an actor in a new Stapplerfahrer Klaus sequel.

    Oh, and today CBFH was assigned to prepare a displayer of bakeware. All he had to do was take the pans and cookie sheets out of their boxes and put them on the special display rack we were sent. This task required no fewer than three calls to the manager to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do. I'm thinking "What is going on here? We don't need a Spanish Inquisition to figure out what to do here!"


    BWAAAAAAAMP!



    So that's my CBFH story for today. Not much of one but I had to work in the Monty Python somewhere. And now, it's the comfy chair for me.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

    Comment


    • #17
      One more for tonight...

      This should give you an idea of how frustrated we are with CBFH.

      A week or so ago, our supervisor gave him another talking-to, telling him "You need to start being accountable for what you're assigned to do, because if you aren't people will not like you."

      I told her "We're well past that point."

      How true. Today on break supervisor said, very matter-of-factly, "I just want to run that kid over with my car." Much LULZ ensued.

      Then, as we were coming back down from break, she turned to me and said "Can't you just punch him in the face or something?"

      I said "Sure, but I don't know if I want to deal with the consequences."

      Yeah, I know this is wrong, but we're seriously at the end of our rope with him.
      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

      Comment


      • #18
        The only explanation I can come up with for keeping him is management is afraid they won't have anybody for carryouts if they fire him. School starts on Tuesday, so they'd be down to CBFH and two or three other guys who are used more frequently in other areas to do carryouts during the day.
        Last edited by Rapscallion; 10-14-2009, 12:16 PM.
        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

        Comment


        • #19
          , because today CBFH (aka Numbnuts, aka The Ludicrously Tragic Result of a Horribly Misaimed Jerk-off) was responsible for me getting hurt. Not seriously, mind you, but hurt nonetheless.

          So I was doing big important truck-stocking things today when one of the managers paged CBFH over to the furniture department. He didn't answer, so she repeated her page, and then CBFH had the undescended testicles to page me over to furniture instead. I paged him back and told him in no uncertain terms that manager was paging for him, and I was busy doing other things so if he knew what was best for him he'd toddle his ass over to furniture like he was asked to.

          But just then manager paged me over to furniture instead, leaving me to and tell CBFH "just fucking forget it." (See, it's much easier for the managers to ask me to do something instead of having CBFH do it. It must be nice to just pocket-veto any job you don't feel like doing)

          I went over to furniture and received my assignment: Take all the furniture items out of a crate on the salesfloor,stack them on the floor, take the crate to the backroom and dismantle it. (We had received crate displayers of small furniture items such as computer desks, TV stands and CD towers for BTS, and one of the crates was falling apart.) This was so that there wouldn't be any risk of some 90-year-old with a scorching case of osteoporosis being buried under an avalanche of computer desks.

          Anyhow, in emptying the carte as I was asked, I managed to cut myself on either a loose nail or a board, so I had to run to the bathroom to wash it off and then to the service desk to get a band-aid.

          And what was that fucktrombone CBFH doing that was so important? Wandering around "putting returns away." I called up the manager and told her she might like to know that CBFH wasn't doing anything important and just paged me to do his bidding because he didn't feel like doing it.

          Her response: "Oh, I thought he was on a carryout or something. I will let (store manager) know and I will have a talk with him." An empty threat if I ever heard one, because all her supposed talking-to's have had no change on CBFH's lack of work ethic.

          I swear one of these days I'm going to go on a Frank Grimes-esque rampage. ("I'm peeing on the seat! Gimme a raise!")
          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

          Comment


          • #20
            A theory I have is management is afraid they will not be able to replace him if they do cut him loose. Not easy to find somebody available to work during the day for slightly more than minimum wage and maybe no benefits. There are a few other people who could conceivably pick up his hours, me being one of them, but they're usually needed in other areas.

            So instead management is cutting his hours and putting him on more night shifts when it isn't so busy.
            Last edited by Rapscallion; 10-14-2009, 12:17 PM.
            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

            Comment


            • #21
              Okay! Another sucky from "Captain Jackass," as one of my co-workers has taken to calling him. I sincerely regret I didn't come up with that myself.

              Today CBFH was oozing around, trying to build a piece of furniture he was assigned to build. A call for a carryout came over the PA.

              It was repeated about a minute and a half later.

              And again two minutes later.

              And again a couple minutes or so after that, before another employee got fed up and answered the call. She got the item and was taking it out for the customer when she ran into CBFH.

              CBFH said "Oh, you got that?"

              Employee said "Yes, because you weren't answering. But now that I have you here would you please take this out for me?"

              CBFH replied "Umm...no. I'm going to go take a break now." And off he went.

              The item requested on that particular carryout? A papasan chair cushion. Basically a round, big, but very lightweight pillow.
              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

              Comment


              • #22
                'Nother bump!

                What, you thought Numbnuts (aka CBFH, or Carryout Boy From Hades) actually was starting to straighten up and fly right?



                Today CBFH was scheduled to start at 10:30. 10:30 was when he first entered the building today. He punched in, the went to the vending machines for a soda and a candy bar and sat down in the break room to eat them.

                I was on lunch at this time so I went and got his manager on the sly. She walked in to find him sitting at a table noshing away. She told him he'd just used up one of his 15-minute breaks and ordered him to get downstairs to work. While this was going on the floor people were getting slammed with one carryout after another.

                BONUS FUNNY:

                CBFH is now actively being made an example of. We've started our seasonal hiring and last night one of the salesfloor people was training one of the n00bs. She had him accompany her on a carryout, just so he'd now how to do it.

                I was at the service desk dropping off broken items from the truck to get processed, and on the way back in she stopped by the desk and told the n00b "Now when you do carryouts, make sure you answer the phone quickly, get the item quickly, and get the correct item. Don't be like CBFH and let the page go over 5 times before you answer, and don't poke around when looking for the item."

                Service desk lady chimed in, telling of all the perturbed customers who come stomping back in demanding to know where their item is, because CBFH is moving as fast as frozen molasses.

                I added "Yeah, do what she says, because if you don't it won't be so much that people won't like you. It will be more like your co-workers will want to murder you."
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                Comment


                • #23
                  Here's an update. Not a very juicy one though.

                  Yesterday CBFH was supposed to be doing merchandise pulls when he didn't have carryouts to do, and he told everybody he was doing them.

                  Then he left at 7, and at 9:15 pm, 45 minutes before close, somebody noticed about 65 skus needing to be pulled. Yeah, he really got a lot accomplished So everybody working on the salesfloor got pulled off the floor to help pull.

                  I don't know if they got them all done. If they didn't get them all out of the system by close, it would go on a report that goes up to corporate, and we in turn would get a nastygram about the importance of pulling merchandise in a timely manner.
                  Last edited by Rapscallion; 10-14-2009, 12:18 PM.
                  Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                  "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Yesterday was Senior Day and thus hellishly busy. CBFH was scheduled to do carryouts and carts all day.

                    I don't think he bothered to pick up one shopping cart all day. That job instead fell to me, a half-hour before close. All the corrals were full of carts, carts were loose in the parking lot, carts were sitting on the sidewalks in front of the stores in the strip mall. I even had to walk across the entire lot to retrieve a couple carts by the Chinese restaurant there.

                    And I had to do this is 1 degree weather (Fahrenheit mind you), by myself until I called the manager and demanded she find somebody to help me. So that took me away from my task list, was which longer than usual because we're expecting corporate visitors again today.

                    Why the manager (Ice Princess) couldn't give this task to the floor people is beyond me. All I saw them doing was talking and "putting away returns" by pushing the full carts into the backroom and putting "fill" signs on them, like they were pulls needing to be worked.

                    Oh, and speaking of pulls, that is one thing CBFH did today. Except he left all the stuff in shopping carts in the backroom. So on top of the end-of-day autopulls we had 8 shopping carts and a flatbed full of random crap he pulled and didn't fill.
                    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      This one evidently happened when I was still on third shift....

                      A customer purchased a display of a pre-lit artificial Christmas tree, because we had no more of that tree in a box and weren't going to get anymore. CBFH (or Numbnuts) was called upon to lad it up for the customer.

                      I don't know if the customer said something to CBFH or what, but he decided he didn't like the customer and he then decided to wreck their tree by yanking one of the bulbs out.

                      This was a tree where all the bulbs stay lit even if one burns out or is taken out. SO he was wondering why the tree was staying lit, and when he asked the seasonal specialist why he admitted what he had done to it.

                      I asked the seasonal specialist if she reported it. She did--but to the wrong manager.

                      CBFH seems to have tied his own noose, but for some reason we can't get the chair kicked out from under him.
                      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Raaarrggghhh! Irv smash!

                        Most every day I work with CBFH, I go home wanting to kill him. Today I wanted to make his demise even more painful and slow.

                        CBFH started work at 10:30. I left at 1:30. In that time I did 4 carryouts. CBFH did none.

                        But the cherry on today's turd sundae came just as I was putting away my scanner to go home. The lady at the service desk flagged me down and asked me to help a lady.

                        Me: Where's CBFH? Why isn't he answering?
                        SDL: I don't know, but I'll have to ask you for help. It's kind of urgent.

                        It turned out another lady, who must be the caretaker for a wheelchair-bound man, needed help tipping the man's wheelchair back onto all 4 wheels because somehow the guy tipped it over onto its back.

                        So I crawled into her dank, smelly van loaded with shopping bags and two overzealous dogs. It turned the guy in the wheelchair was:
                        • about 400 pounds
                        • reeking of cigarette smoke, BO, and stale pee and poo
                        • cursing like a sailor.


                        So instead of going home like I was supposed to, I got to spend 10 minutes pulling and pushing and tugging on this stinky guy in the wheelchair, unsuccessfully trying to right the wheelchair so he could be put on the ramp and lowered to the ground. And all the while he was cursing out his caretaker ("That's what happens when you jump on the fucking gas like that!") and myself ("I thought you said you brought a guy out here! He can't even pull the fucking wheelchair onto the floor! Pull God dammit!")

                        Finally, we gave up. Caretaker had me go inside and tell the service desk to call 911 and I booked it the hell out of there before I acted on my urge to attach CBFH to the wall via a jagged board from a pallet jammed through his skull.
                        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Keeping busy the CBFH way

                          Situation: It's a slow period during the evening, you have no carryouts to do at the moment and the managers haven't given you a specific list of things to do.

                          Keeping busy the normal way: Find something to do. There are always returns to be put away, pulls to download, pull and fill, and there's always recovery to do.

                          Keeping busy the CBFH way: Wander over to toys and traipse around playing with all the toys, particularly the noisy toys and the whoopie cushions. When somebody asks what you are doing, say you are covering somebody's break. When you get tired of making racket in toys, go to the backroom and start poking holes in the plastic bags the big rolled-up rugs are shipped in. All the while ignore calls that are directed to you

                          Granted, most of the night people aren't particularly gregarious, but they rarely make no secret of the fact they're goofing off.
                          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            All management seems willing to do with CBFH is cut his hours and hope he quits on his own accord.

                            Next week I have three shifts doing his job, totaling 24 hours. He has two shifts totaling 9 hours.

                            Norm Feuti in his book Pretending You Care: The Retail Employee Handbook coined a term that describes CBFH to a tee: Animosity Generator. He is so outwardly rude, lazy, socially inept and generally unhelpful that every customer who deals with him comes away soured on retail employees as a group and thinks all retail employees are like him.

                            Animosity generators (or AGs) are also, for some strange reason, immune to disciplinary action or termination.
                            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Yes. today was a very eventful day.

                              I was working 10:30 to 7 doing carryouts, carts, spills and messes and odd jobs. AKA CBFH's job. He wasn't working today but he came in on his day off to do some shopping and chat up one of the female coworkers he has his eye on.

                              Oh, I forgot to mention that CBFH seems to be hitting on all the female employees who are about his age. They tell him off as nicely as he can and he goes on to the next one.

                              Today he offered to buy the latest apple of his eye (I'll call her "K") a Webkinz toy, but she told him she didn't want one. When CBFH ran in to me working he decided to have a chat with me.

                              CBFH: Hi Irv
                              Me: Hey CBFH. Shopping?
                              CBFH: Yeah. I offered to buy K a Webkinz but I guess she doesn't like them.
                              Me: Well don't let that stop you! You can buy one for yourself! They're cute and cuddly and you can pretend it's the friend you never had!
                              CBFH: Ha ha, very funny Irv!
                              Me: It's called the comedy of truth. All the greats use it.

                              I zinged him twice and he didn't even figure the second one out! I love me when I'm evil.
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                And now, a very special, musical episode of "The Numbnuts/CBFH chronicles"....

                                "Teardoprs on my scan gun"--sung to the tune of "Teardrops on my guitar" by Taylor Swift, who is evidently some emo-spewing country music chick. She is pretty hot though....

                                for this one CBFH will go back to being named "Numbnuts"

                                Numbnuts looks at me, I scowl so he can see
                                That I want to hang him from the nearest beam
                                I watch his slacker ass, waltz through the backroom aisles
                                Ten carryouts are paged, just in a little while

                                He doesn't answer them, cashiers repeat themselves
                                TVs aren't taken to the customers by little elves
                                He says "I'm on my break, I thought I told you that"
                                I guess I gotta do them all in just three minutes flat

                                He's the reason for the teardrops on my scan gun
                                He leaves at night and leaves us all a lot of work undone
                                He's the one they never should have kept on, wonder why they do....

                                Numbnuts walks by me, I wish he couldn't breathe
                                And there he goes, so lazily
                                The kind of lazy I wish management would let me be
                                He'd better do his pulls, and make sure they're all filled
                                And mop up that detergent that some shopper just saw spilled

                                He's the reason for the teardrops on my scan gun
                                I need a firecracker to light underneath his bum
                                It's not fair, I work like a dog, I think he oughta too....

                                Swimsuit Edition, clutched in his fingers tight
                                "Put down that magazine and maybe do some work tonight!"

                                He's the reason for the teardrops on my scan gun
                                Won't bring in buggies 'cause it isn't his idea of fun
                                He's got nothing to do, but he's got all day to get it done
                                He's the space, taken up, and it's more than enough
                                Wish there was a pit he could fall into

                                Numbnuts looks at me, I scowl so he can see....
                                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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