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Worst month ever.

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  • Worst month ever.

    I had issues with ED a few years back, so this is really kinda hard for me to be going through right now, but I seriously cannot stop eating at night (and most of the day as well, actually). I know that staying up late is the problem, but when I stay out I come home wide awake and don't end up sleeping until 4am and it ends up messing with my whole schedule. So tonight, like most nights, I ate like 2 bags of popcorn, and then I drank a lot of milk, and I'll be sleeping soon since it's 3am and I'll wake everyone up by running on the treadmill, so that means I won't really burn any of the calories I just ate. I dunno. I'm just feeling really down lately. I went from 120 to 127 in the past month and whenever I bring up the fact that I need to go to the gym, everyone just shuts me down and says I'm "stick thin", but the fact is that I'm gaining all the weight in my abdominal area, so it's not even visible since usually I'll accidentally buy a bigger shirt than what I regularly wear. My stomach basically just makes me look like I'm really pregnant, ALL the time, even in the morning after I've digested everything and my stomach is empty. I have no motivation to start working out because the only way I can usually stay motivated is if someone else works out with me, and I have nobody. It feels like I've gained so much weight this year and I'm stuck in the biggest rut ever so I can't even lose it. I just feel so so horrible about myself and the polar opposite of confident, I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of having this stomach fat, it's really dragging me down.

  • #2
    Have you spoken to a counselor? There's a lot going on in your life, probably stuff you aren't even consciously aware of. I read your post about your toxic workplace, and something like that can drive a person to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol or even food. BTDT myself, and have the excessive weight to show for it.

    It's good that you're looking for help before things really get out of hand; I wish I had. Talk to your doctor, see what he/she says. And I strongly suggest the counselor. There's no shame in seeking help. I wish you the very best of luck.
    I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
    My LiveJournal
    A page we can all agree with!

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    • #3
      All I do all the time is work and relax. Relaxation usually comes with eating, as well, so while I'm sitting on my ass and eating, I've gained a little bit of weight as well.
      I've always been a little guy but it doesn't stop me from gaining fat around my stomach and chest.

      You could probably throw a small exercise in your nighttime ritual, like right before you're going to bed.

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      • #4
        Thank you for the advice

        I did see a counselor previously, but I got discharged about a year ago because I was always asleep when she called (who calls people at 7am? -__-) and I'd always forget to call her back. Although, I've been doing that stuff for so long (basically from 13-18) that I'm just sick of the whole thing, you know? Their vocabulary and everything is just annoying to me - I hated how my counselor used to ask me if I was in "wise mind" when I made a decision, or if I was in "emotion mind" (the form of therapy she practices is called DBT, you can actually google it and see what it entails). Therefore I don't think, unless I truly need it, that I'll do counseling again. I need a break from all the therapy lingo

        I usually do 60 or 70 sit-ups before bed, since that's the area I'm trying to make smaller, but as I said I'm not very motivated so if something happens (ie. going on a trip like I just did a few weeks ago), then I will forget to do it and then just stop until I become motivated again...and then I repeat the cycle.

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        • #5
          I was the same with a calisthenics routine I had awhile back.
          If you trust Craigslist, that might be worth a try.

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          • #6
            Quoth felinegurl View Post
            I usually do 60 or 70 sit-ups before bed, since that's the area I'm trying to make smaller, but as I said I'm not very motivated so if something happens (ie. going on a trip like I just did a few weeks ago)
            you can't "spot target" areas like that, it does nothing.

            See number 4
            Honestly.... the image of that in my head made me go "AWESOME!"..... and then I remembered I am terribly strange.-Red dazes

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            • #7
              I've been there and know the lingo. I also know that those of us who have danced with ED have an inaccurate perception of ourselves and/or bodies. The people in your life who love you and do not have a distorted view of your body say you are stick thin. Who are you going to believe ED or the people who love you? Unless you are exceedingly short female 127 is nowhere in the orbit of overweight. I am 5'2" and at a perfectly healthy 125. I don't necessarily like that number or love my body but I remind myself constantly I am not a number and I am not overweight. I see a few red flags in your post. First flag the idea that 127 is too much to weigh or that gaining 5 pounds over a month is too fast. 2 pounds a week down or up is about what is normal for gain/loss. Second flag is the fact that you eat popcorn and milk and then feel guilty and have to exercise to work off the calories. If you are restricting/not eating enough during the day then you will eat more later as your body is desperate for the calories/nutrition. Also restricting/not eating enough leads to eating more/too much later which leads to guilt which leads to restricting/not eating enough which leads to... well you get the point. Yeah the whole wise mind vs emotion mind thing gets old but do me a favor and don't write it off. Maybe rephrase the question "Am I using food/exercise/other behavior(s) to avoid something in my life?" My awesome therapist knows DBT etc. but she uses a CBT approach. I think perhaps finding a therapist who has experience with ED but uses a different approach would be very beneficial. I am going to assume (hopefully without making an ass out of myself) that you worked with a dietitian at some point. Perhaps consult the dietitian again to get a reality check. Oh and one more very important thing...weighing yourself too often (for some in recovery weighing at all) is a good way to become obsessed with the numbers and you and I both know where that leads. People in my recovery group definitely felt bad about the lies they told others. The truth is it is the lies we tell ourselves that are the most dangerous because that is how ED gets in/back into our lives. You deserve a better life partner than ED so punt him/her/it to the curb because contrary to what ED wants you to believe he/she/it WILL hurt you again. Take care of yourself.

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