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  • assassin squirrels....

    I'm serious...

    I have a walnut tree in my back yard that in no way could EASILY drop nuts onto my side of the back porch....least not one this small.

    So I step out my back door on saturday....right onto a walnut that i hit in just the right way for my ankle to roll under me. I don't fall but my ankle is sore but not swollen.

    sunday its the size of a grapefruit, monday I go to my doctor....

    its a bad sprain.....and annoying as hell.

    Humans of the world, be warned the squirrel uprising is beginning!
    It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.

  • #2
    Reading a bit too much Mutts?
    I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

    Who is John Galt?
    -Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

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    • #3
      The Animal Conspiracy (really starts about 4:00 on the first video of 3)
      The Rich keep getting richer because they keep doing what it was that made them rich. Ditto the Poor.
      "Hy kan tell dey is schmot qvestions, dey is makink my head hurt."
      Hoc spatio locantur.

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      • #4
        i believe you; my boyfriend and i were visiting london and we were at kensington gardens. stopped at one of the large billboard style maps they have to plan our route and soon realised that a few of the billions of squirrels that inhabit the park were perched up in a horse chestnut tree, opening horse chestnuts and *lobbing* the massive empty shells across the path at the passers by. not a gentle drop either, these things went thunk and bounced a few times when they hit the ground! i bet if it weren't for their tummies, someone would have had a conker through the skull XD

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        • #5
          You're JUST realizing that squirrels throw shit? When my family went to our old cabin in the summer the squirrels there would ALWAYS throw crap (usually pine cones) at us. Well at my sister at any rate. She always seemed to be the primary target of them.
          I AM the evil bastard!
          A+ Certified IT Technician

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          • #6
            Yeah, a squirrel in my yard threw pine cones at me and was screaming up a storm at me one day when I got home from work.

            Then I looked down and saw the nest laying on the drive (no where near the car thank god). There were three kittens in it; one was still alive. I didn't touch any of them.

            I called the vet who said to leave them alone; mom would come and get them. She did take one of them, but I don't know if it later died (probably). I buried the other two.
            They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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            • #7
              these weren't thrown at me....these were placed dilberatly in front of my back door. My yard man said my back yard was covered in nuts, I guess the squirrels didn't like that I hadn't collected them and put them in the correct place for them.

              Guess they know this winter is gonna be bad and early starting too, and want to secure their food stuffs early.
              It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.

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              • #8
                Quoth Sarlon View Post
                these weren't thrown at me....these were placed dilberatly in front of my back door. My yard man said my back yard was covered in nuts, I guess the squirrels didn't like that I hadn't collected them and put them in the correct place for them.

                Guess they know this winter is gonna be bad and early starting too, and want to secure their food stuffs early.
                The squirrels behind our houses in Maryland and now here in Virginia do the same thing-- placing nuts or nut shells on our deck or windowsill. Since we would sometimes throw walnuts in the backyard for the squirrels to take, I always joked these were their offerings to the nut gods.
                PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

                There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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                • #9
                  I agree about them leaving offerings for the "nut gods", because I've found half cracked nuts (mostly opened nuts) in odd places that they could not just fall there or even bounce there.

                  and they know what side of the house I live in, you have to go up 14 stairs to get to my back stairs, and they like leaving nuts on the left side of the stair's railing in a notch originally cut in as an accident when replacing the railing 6 years ago when we moved in.

                  I have some very fat squirrels living in my yard, they built a roost under the eaves of the house across the driveway from my house. They have definitely gotten complacent.
                  It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.

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                  • #10
                    I, for one, welcome our new Squirrel overlords!
                    "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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                    • #11
                      are they working with the cats?

                      my lord and master is home I'm at work....its safe to ask these questions....for now >.>
                      It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.

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                      • #12
                        I'll send Poodles. He loves to chase anything that moves!

                        He's also counted many coup to be as young as he is . . he's just not getting a trophy room built onto the house though.

                        On a different tangent, squirrels who are out to kill off humanity . . . definitely some plot to try to take over the world there.
                        Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                        • #13
                          We have squirrels that place nuts near parked cars so that when the car moves they will crack open the nuts.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth taxguykarl View Post
                            Mutts?
                            BONK!

                            So glad you thought of this, I haven't read Mutts in ages.

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