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  • $16.09 worth of screaming

    For anyone who doesn't remember (seeing as I don't get too many SCs and therefore don't post too often) I will remind everyone where I work: an adult shop.
    Moving on.

    Soooo Friday evening, despite it being rainy, I was rather busy.
    At around 8pm-ish two couples and a lone woman were in. This, for me, is busy.
    Everyone who was in was polite, easy to deal with, and generally everyone was content with meandering the store on their own with little or no help from me.
    So in other words the perfect customers.
    One of the couples, who become relevant in this story, were looking at our selection of costumes. The girlfriend was trying a few on and the boyfriend was puttering around while he was in the fitting room.

    In walks a lone man with a vibrator in his hands.
    First off I knew just from looking at it that it was one of the shittier models, and I also knew that he was going to try and return it.
    No, bad customer, that's a Health Code violation.

    Onward, to dialogue!

    SC: I bought this two months ago and it's burnt.
    Me: I'm sorry but I can't take it back.
    SC: Why? Why you no take it back?!
    Me: We don't offer refunds or exchanges and we also can't take back any toys that have been used - it's a Health Code violation and it's unsanitary.
    SC: But it burn! You sell me and it burn!
    Me: When you bought it did the employee who sold it to you test it?
    SC: Yes.
    Me: Did it work?
    SC: Yes.
    Me: So what would you like me to do?
    SC: So you tell me you sell shit product?
    Me: No, I'm telling you that we can't return something of that nature. Ever. My hands are tied, the store's hands are tied.
    SC: You no stand behind your product!
    Me: If you'd like I can tell you who makes that item and you can contact the manufacturer, but other than that there's nothing I can do for you. Any returns must be made through the manufacturer and nearly all products come with a one-year warranty.
    SC: And then what? I get new one? I no want new one, I want money! I want my money back!
    Me: I'm sorry but I can't do that.
    SC: Yes! You return! Now!
    Me: No.
    SC: What you problem? Why you so arrogant? I just try to get what rightfully mine and you be so rude to me.
    Me: I don't know how else to explain this to you but I can't return it for you, and on top of that this store doesn't offer returns or exchanges on anything. Ever.
    SC: Return! Return!
    Me: *pointing to the No Exchanges, No Refunds sign on the counter* We don't do refunds.
    SC: No one show me that. I no see it so you return.
    Me: *sigh* It says it on your receipt, too.
    SC: I no have receipt anymore.
    Me: Then what had you expected to gain here at all when you don't even have a receipt?
    SC: I only buy two months ago and look at what happen!
    Me: Well if I buy a TV and two months down the road it explodes it's not Best Buy's fault.
    SC: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TV TO YOU?!
    Me: The concept is the same.
    SC: Return my fucking money!

    Now, remember when I said that one of the couples would become relevant? This is when it happened.
    The boyfriend of the couple, who had been standing very close by listening to this whole ordeal, stepped in.

    Awesome Customer: Buddy, she's told you a thousand times that she can't return it. And let me tell you something, I'm a manager of a cosmetics company and the same hygiene rules apply to us so I know exactly what she's talking about when she says she can't return it for sanitary reasons and she's 100% right. You're fighting a losing battle so just give it up already.
    SC: No! She have to return! They no stand behind their product. You see how it burned? This is bullshit!
    AC: Not her problem. She told you to contact the manufacturer and that's what you have to do. End of story.
    SC: NO! Stores is responsible and she no take responsibility! *to me* He your manager and even he no take responsibility!
    Me: He doesn't work here - he's just trying to explain to you that at the company he does work for the same hygiene rules apply.

    At this point Awesome Customer's girlfriend emerges from the fitting room and she and I start talking about the costumes she was trying on, sizes, styles, etc., while Awesome Customer and the SC continue to argue.
    I didn't hear exactly what was said between them but I'm sure by now you've all gotten the jist.

    SC: *to me* Call your manager! Now!
    Me: No.
    SC: Call your owner! Now!
    Me: No.
    SC: So what you going do for me?
    Me: Tell you to leave.
    SC: What?!
    Me: You've been rude to me, you're yelling in my store, you've sworn at me and you're arguing with my customers. Get out.
    SC: Fuck you!

    He takes the batteries from the vibrator and sets it on my counter.
    He sets the UUUUUUUUUSED fucking vibrator ON MY COUNTER!

    Me: Get that the fuck off my counter. NOW!
    SC: Fuck you.
    Me: Ok, fuck me.

    I use a pen to push it on the floor and gesture towards the door.

    SC: I going to call your owners and tell them you SHIT! You RUDE and you gon' be FIRED! FUCK YOU!
    Me: Ok.

    Naturally we all had a good laugh about him, I thanked Awesome Customer for backing me up and we chatted for a few minutes before he and his girlfriend left.

    At the end of the night I called the owner to tell her what happened and gave her the full run-down of the events and warned her he may try to call her.

    Her response? "And tell me what? That he tried to return something to a store that doesn't do refunds? Too bad for him. Oh yeah, and he's going to get you 'fired'? HA! Good luck with that one."



    MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

    *ahem* Yes. So, I'm sure you're wondering what on earth this has to do with $16.09.
    Well the next day (Saturday) I had a gentleman in the store who was looking for a pair of heels in his size. Unfortunately we don't have many in mens sizes, but called every other location in hopes of finding the size he was looking for.
    No dice.
    Eventually he settled on the size 13 we had (he was looking for an 11) and said though they were a bit large, they felt OK when he was walking around in them and would make-do because he liked them so much.
    Now personally I wouldn't want to just "make-do" with a pair of shoes that cost $125 but hey, it's not my money.
    As I was finishing up his transaction he made a comment about how this was at least saving him a trip downtown to find shoes, which would have likely ended up being more expensive with parking.
    Then I said, "No kidding. That's why I don't drive - I'd rather save my pennies for a beer or two after work." and handed him his change.
    He moved to leave then stopped and said, "You helped me so much, here, have a beer after work on me," and left his change on the counter.
    "I can't accept that," I said.
    "I'm insisting," he replied.
    "No really. Thank you, but you don't have to..."
    "Well I'm leaving and I'm not taking it with me so you have no choice now!"
    And he left.
    And I earned $16.09 because he was so pleased with me.

    And yes, I did buy myself a beer after work on him.

    I like my job.

  • #2
    I guess the 1st guy was giving off bad vibrations.


    "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth rerant View Post
      SC: You no stand behind your product!
      That depends on which particular orifice the vibrator goes in.

      HI-O!
      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

      Comment


      • #4
        I might have guessed you two would show up!
        It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

        Comment


        • #5
          When SC kept saying "It burn, it burn", I could only think: Before, After or During? ~shudder~

          And really, you should post more often.
          A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

          Comment


          • #6
            Yes you should. I love seeing bad customers getting pwned.

            Comment


            • #7
              Why is it that in my mind, the SC sounds like Hank Hill's Cambodian neighbor?
              Supporting the idiots charged with protecting your personal information.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth bainsidhe View Post
                And really, you should post more often.
                Thankfully I don't get all that many SCs so I don't need to.
                I'm down to maaaaaaybe one a month.
                Maybe.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth otakuneko View Post
                  Why is it that in my mind, the SC sounds like Hank Hill's Cambodian neighbor?
                  Laos not Cambodian, just wanted to clear that up

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm still laughing at the choice of adjective to describe the dude's vibrator. It was shitty. Yep... I bet it was.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Sliceanddice View Post
                      Laos not Cambodian, just wanted to clear that up
                      The term's "Laotian," Laos is the country. Just wanted to clear that up.
                      Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                      http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        You know, I kept hearing Khan, too... Still, that guy was nasty. What part of "No refund" did he not understand, besides all of it?
                        Look, a signature!

                        If every cashier in the world went on strike, retail would come to a screeching halt, even if for a couple hours.

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                        • #13
                          Yeah I think I can guess the general ethnicity of the person returning based on how you typed the dialogue and if that's true I sympathize. There's a large population of similar ethnicity in my area and I think part of the problem is because business is conducted a bit differently where they come from.
                          "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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                          • #14
                            I guess you could say that first guy got...



                            ...what was coming to him.

                            YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !
                            Last edited by Dips; 10-07-2009, 08:23 PM. Reason: trimmed font so people won't have to scroll the entire thread side to side
                            The New Orleans Saints are your 2009 NFL champions.

                            Believe dat.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth rerant View Post
                              Her response? "And tell me what? That he tried to return something to a store that doesn't do refunds? Too bad for him. Oh yeah, and he's going to get you 'fired'? HA! Good luck with that one."



                              MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
                              Trying to return it without a receipt, no less.

                              Wonderful ^_^
                              "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                              "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                              "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                              "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                              "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                              "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                              Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                              "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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