This Is Bullshit

[LillFilly]

Sigh, I learned that in grade school. The one the teacher catches doing the hitting is the one that gets in trouble, even if you're defending yourself. In this case, she hit first, unless somewhere in the story he touched her first.

[blas]

I just suffice it to say that I have a bubble thing, and I just feel appalled that (even with the circumstances of alcohol) people think it's ok to randomly touch or try to dance on people. A group of girls dancing is not an open invitation. A girl without a guy on her arm does not mean that she's single or that she's looking. It's absolutely mind boggling how many people here have no qualms about just coming up and trying to cop a feel, grab you TO dance with you, or just bring the dancing to you and just start trying to grind on you.

I'm no fan of violence and drama. I'm also not a fan of being touched or treated like a playtoy or single-ready-to-mingle when I've done nothing to insinuate that I am.

This is why I just prefer to stay home or stick with places where people usually aren't that drunk. But you also have to bear in mind that where I come from, people are NEVER cut off when they should be, and I have seen people so drunk that they really have no idea what they are doing or who they are talking to.

[Canarr]

I just suffice it to say that I have a bubble thing, and I just feel appalled that (even with the circumstances of alcohol) people think it's ok to randomly touch or try to dance on people. A group of girls dancing is not an open invitation. A girl without a guy on her arm does not mean that she's single or that she's looking. It's absolutely mind boggling how many people here have no qualms about just coming up and trying to cop a feel, grab you TO dance with you, or just bring the dancing to you and just start trying to grind on you.

Well... many people DO come to clubs or bars to hook up. People of both genders - and there's nothing wrong with that, if you're into it. If you're not, and somebody moves on you, then you need to let him know. If he doesn't take "NO!" for an answer, then he's an asshole and bouncers should be involved.

Now, it's been a while since I did the club scene myself, so I wouldn't know the exact etiquette involved here - what distance and degree of touching is commonly acceptable, for instance, and where does the guy/girl cross the line to creepy. I suspect it varies between different locations, subcultures etc.; but of course, nobody has the right to subject you to bodily contact you object to. If - IF - you object clearly.

And maybe here's the problem: moving away, dancing differently, shuffling around, ist NOT a "NO!"; a "NO!" means, "Not interested, stay away from me!" and should be accepted as such. Anything less clear than that may be misinterpreted as "playing hard to get".

[Mycroft]

I will admit I did this once - definitely not "in her personal space" but "see woman dancing alone, go up to her, dance 'with her'" - for one song. Then (because I knew it's a bit creepy) I thanked her, and explained that I was using her to make it clear I was Not Interested in the offer I had just had, and apologised. And then went away, and enjoyed the rest of the night at the club.

As I put it to my (terminally cute) bridge partner the next day: "I think I understand your complaints more now. I don't mind being hit on - in fact, I quite like it, and wish it would happen more often. I don't mind being hit on by guys - I'll probably say no, but you never know. Slime...that I mind."

Touch? Grope? Grind? um, no.