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  • #16
    Try this. I usually play druids or multi-class druids. What can I say, I like being the party healer.

    Anyway, the DM had a villainous wizard conjure a dangerous creature with a summon spell. Through a lucky roll, (a natural 20, actually), I was able to use my druidess to befriend the summoned monster and turn it against the wizard. The wizard, and the DM, didn't like that. The monster, however, loved being assisted by my own summoned nature's ally in going after the wizard.
    Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

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    • #17
      My (much younger than me) DM had to keep track of the time in game as he allowed my character to have one on one time with a prostitute.
      While two people were stealing the puppets from the Small World ride in a truck from Hong Kong Disney land and another 2 had an epic sword battle outside a vaguely metrosexual luberjackish clothing store...

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      • #18
        I was playing a Lawful Good halfling cleric in a world based on Tolkien when this little gem happened. Our party had unexpectedly come across a dragon in the mountains and after a fierce fight, defeated it in no small part thanks to me (I had a Summon Monster build equipped, and a rock golem and a chimera later, the dragon was badly injured.) Anyway, we looted the dragon's hoard and descended from the mountain, where we came across a village. While talking in the inn, I stupidly let slip a comment about the fight and how much we'd looted. Turns out, the village was full of dragon-worshippers who were somewhat upset that we'd killed their god. We made it out of the inn in a running battle and managed to defeat the villagers, as they were low level. Then their children came out of the houses and picked up their dead parents' weapons to have at us. Rather than kill innocent children, I decided my LG cleric would cast Sanctuary so no one could fight in the village. Problem is, Sanctuary is a Good spell and they were all Level 0 Evil aligned. So the spell meant to protect them ended up doing 1 damage and killing all the children in one go. Yup, that's right, my Lawful Good cleric ended up killing an entire village's worth of innocent children, and did it by accident. My friend the DM found that one really amusing.....

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        • #19
          Tranquilizing horses with the fumes from some ridiculously strong booze (one sniff and they passed out) so we could cut the brands off them because they belonged to an Empire patrol we'd just killed and we're in the middle of the Empire... We needed the horses, but couldn't keep them with the brands on, so we concocted this plan for impromptu field surgery to remove them.

          Trying to convince people that we're merchants, and our rogue getting all in people's faces screaming "Buy our salt!!!!" when we foolishly let him speak for the group... (We didn't sell any salt)

          The war cleric (my character) and the druid getting so drunk they both passed out and the druid panicking on finding herself in bed, only partly dressed, with the cleric and shape shifting into a snake to try to escape, only to be crushed between the cleric's thighs...
          You're only delaying the inevitable, you run at your own expense. The repo man gets paid to chase you. ~Argabarga

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          • #20
            Quoth Kittish View Post
            The war cleric (my character) and the druid getting so drunk they both passed out and the druid panicking on finding herself in bed, only partly dressed, with the cleric and shape shifting into a snake to try to escape, only to be crushed between the cleric's thighs...
            That sure evokes some x-rated images.
            "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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            • #21
              In the words of the Egyptian girl in our pantomime: 'I was very impressed with your mighty asp'

              If anyone has any D&D boards that could accommodate a newb who's larped and has done some inforum rp'ing then please let me know I've got some of the basic and I'm sure I can figure out bits as I go along.Or I'll die horribly. But I'd like to give it a shot. And I promise I won't do what I did on my first LARP and offer the bodies of fellow players...to a necromancer!(Hey it seemed like a good idea at the time-he said he would give them a nice burial at sea-what could go wrong?)
              The Copyright Monster has made me tell you that my avatar is courtesy of the wonderful Alice XZ.And you don't want to annoy the Copyright Monster.

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              • #22
                Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
                That sure evokes some x-rated images.
                My group practically LIVES on the x-rated images...usually conjured up by yours truly (Which really calls my alignment into question at times)

                On that note, our DM introduced a NPC in one of the more recent sessions which was described as a pink...slime thing, that took a liking to our rogue (who'd broken off from the party to try and find a way in for the rest of us). One of our group members is a huge Kirby fanboy, so he decided that the pink slime thing looked like this:



                And last week, we finally got into the lair of the villain. We'd planned for one of us to be in disguise to try and find the villain in question, using the clothing of one of the enemy's dead (female) lieutenants. Since I was the only one in the party with boobs, I donned the costume. We encounter what basically amounted to a supervisor monster of sorts who notices us. I open my mouth and proceed to chew the scenery to the point where according to our DM, I managed to derail the rest of his plans.

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                • #23
                  Quoth LadyofArc View Post
                  ... a pink...slime thing, ...
                  Check out Choo-Choo Bear at the Something Positive and Girls With Slingshots archives. He oozes through the drains and steals panties for Davan to sell...
                  I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                  Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                  Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                  • #24
                    All you folks might want to check out A Practical Guide To Evil. It's an online fantasy series that addresses and deconstructs the idea of essentialist Alignment.

                    Most of the villains (including the protagonist) are Affable, while the heroes are Obnoxious. I'm currently on book II (V is in progress), and we've already seen a critfail for an enemy hero's Defense abilities -- a rare break, as a lot of the protagonist's plans tend to fall apart midway (fortunately, she's good at improvising). The first book featured a major violation of alignment, for which the protagonist paid big-time. The second has just had a violation of "story rules" (that is, she was trying to do things hero-style) which likewise hit the protag where it hurt.. In general, there are a lot of events that would have resulted in serious swearing among an RPG group. In some cases, by the GM.

                    My prior blurb for the series:
                    Brief summary: In this world, Good and Evil are largely essentialist, backed by a wager among the gods. Certain people have Names which grant them various powers, making them Heroes and Villains.

                    Twenty years ago, the Good Realm of Callowan was conquered by The Dread Empire of Praes and its Legions of Terror, led by the Black Knight. It was a very thorough conquest, destroying the royal line and all of the Good institutions. Today, Catherine Foundling gathers money in the fighting pits... she's saved nearly enough to enroll in the College of War, which will let her join the Legion and rise in its ranks. She has dreams of gaining power and reforming the Empire from within. Then, in a dark alley, she is rescued by the Black Knight himself. He offers her a shortcut -- a way to gain power and position within the Empire within just a few years, instead of a lifetime of struggle. And he turns out to have some interesting ideas about the practice of Evil...

                    “The key to the Empire maintaining control over the lands it conquered isn’t fear, my dear, it’s apathy. As long as the common people can go about their business and live their lives mostly untroubled, what do they care who their taxes go to? The Governor is making people care about who rules them again, and that is a very dangerous thing.”

                    (Obviously, that doesn't end well for the Governor.)

                    Catherine will become the Squire....

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                    • #25
                      druid that got a cursed item that changed her to chaotic evil - summon woodland critters + fireball = barbeque =)
                      EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

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                      • #26
                        We "appropriated" a magic bag of holding from an assassin we kinda sorta "accidentally" killed on a quest.

                        His guild later tracked us down and said we had to return all of his stuff, or else.

                        They didn't specify we had to return it empty.

                        You know that phrase "you can't fit 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag"?

                        We proved it wrong.

                        We left town pretty quick that night....
                        - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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                        • #27
                          Quoth Argabarga View Post
                          We "appropriated" a magic bag of holding from an assassin we kinda sorta "accidentally" killed on a quest.

                          His guild later tracked us down and said we had to return all of his stuff, or else.

                          They didn't specify we had to return it empty.

                          You know that phrase "you can't fit 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag"?

                          We proved it wrong.

                          We left town pretty quick that night....
                          My group got a bag of holding in our last session...this is giving me ideas!

                          I also learned what happens when yu skip a session and it's the session where we're mid-combat: you end up with a nasty case of PTSD.

                          Yeah...I ended up playing that a little TOO well, to the point of freaking out my partner yet impressing one of our other members

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                          • #28
                            I currently DM a group every weekend and honestly it's more of a matter of when does a session *not* get weird. Last session they got caught up in a 15 minute discussion over what to do with the bard after she got Feebleminded. She was the only one with the spell to remove feeblemind but she couldn't cast any spells being feebleminded ( int/cha at 1 ).

                            One player ( his character is very pragmatic/practical ) wanted to just do a hard reset and smother her to death with a pillow. Then revive her. Because hey, death clears any status effect really. This was referred to as the "Shhhh. Goodnight, sweet prince" option.

                            Another player figured he could just teleport her back to town to where one of the party's henchmen were and let them take her to a temple. The party was graciously being hosted by a local noble. So just drop her dumbfounded on the doorstep of his manor and hope for the best.

                            The last player ( whose character has it out for the bard ) just sat in the corner, drinking from a flask and enjoying the entire affair.

                            Eventually, they decided to teleport her back and let the henchman sort it out. But not before dressing her as a bargain bin cabaret dancer. So she re-materialized in the middle of the lord's manor basically dressed like Jessica Rabbit with an Int of 1 and a note pinned to her with instructions for the henchmen.

                            And that's basically every week in my campaign. >.>

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                            • #29
                              Quoth Gravekeeper View Post

                              The last player ( whose character has it out for the bard ) just sat in the corner, drinking from a flask and enjoying the entire affair.
                              What, no popcorn?

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                              • #30
                                I had an interesting combat with a group of kobolds that ended up with my gnome monk being blown out of a storage room with a fireball following.

                                We were sent to clear out a clan of kobolds, i was sent to check some doors with the bard. we found a couple of them at the end of a long storeroom, we thought "easy xp" and engaged. i was carrying a bag of enchanted sling bullets that i threw like skipping stones and sent 3 down range, which hit a bag of flour or something and caused a huge dust cloud. zero visibility, but my monk had blind fighting so i though we were cool, until the bard decides to fire an enchanted exploding arrow into the cloud where he thought the kobolds were. his rolls were not kind to us, as he hit the far wall and not a squishy kobold, the resulting explosion ignited the flour cloud and blew my monk out of the room hard enough to take almost half my hp. the bard wasnt so lucky, and after more poor rolling ended up being impaled by a kobold leg and severe burns. he stumbled out of the storeroom and looked at our cleric saying "Boss, i dun feel so good" before collapsing.
                                This is a drama-free zone; violators will be slapped. -Irving Patrick Freleigh
                                my blog:http://steeledragon.wordpress.com/

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