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Girlfriend 6.0 Vs. Wife 1.0 - Required Reading.

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  • Girlfriend 6.0 Vs. Wife 1.0 - Required Reading.

    I just found this one on another messageboard I go to and had to share it! Enjoy...

    Girlfriend 6.0 vs. Wife 1.0
    Comparative Trial


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    Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

    Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0, Audio Expenses16.3 and LP Buyer 999 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

    Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.

    a "Don't remind me again" button
    a Minimize button
    An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
    An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
    I myself decided to avoid the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 7.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.


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    Bug Warning
    Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

    Bug work-arounds: To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.


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    Tech Support Suggestions
    These are very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.

    It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 6.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 6.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

    Some have tried to install Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

    I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of Luck,
    Tech Support
    "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
    --StanFlouride

  • #2
    THAT is epic!
    The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth incognitocook View Post
      THAT is epic!
      Yes, yes it is!

      Sadly, the likelihood of me ever getting to install Wife 1.0 is practically nil.
      "Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."
      --StanFlouride

      Comment


      • #4
        Is there a Husband feature we can tack on?
        Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

        Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

        Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

        Comment


        • #5
          I don't know EQ, I think we would have to work out boyfriend 1.0 before husband 1.0

          Funny I don't see the trial software of Fiancee 1.0. Which is what installs MIL and BIL to run as support for Wife 1.0.

          Comment


          • #6
            Dear Tech Support,

            Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

            In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and overnight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
            Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
            Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or house-cleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness.
            Can you help, please!!

            Sincerely,
            XXX



            Dear XXX,

            This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
            However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.

            Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.

            It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory.

            Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.
            However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.

            Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.

            I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

            Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPF's). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

            Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature, enter the command "C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
            Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.
            Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

            TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPF's, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C: I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations.

            Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
            Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create fatally files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!

            Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPF's, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.
            Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

            Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend hotfoot 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.

            After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

            A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

            I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
            1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!

            Tech Support
            Customer Relations Representative
            "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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