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I'm guessing the reason you want a balcony isn't so you can rehearse Shakespeare

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  • I'm guessing the reason you want a balcony isn't so you can rehearse Shakespeare

    I'm guessing you've got plans for a balcony other than Romeo and Juliet's famous balcony scene. How do I know this? Because before you asked if we had rooms with a balcony, you asked for a smoking room.
    To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

  • #2
    How stupid do they think we are? It reminds me of the guy who wanted to return his three hundred year old belt (I'm exaggerating, but it was OLD). When we turned him down, he bought a new belt. Then he announced that he was going to come back and return the OLD belt with the NEW belt's receipt.

    AS IF!

    Even if we were stupid enough to fall for a day old receipt being used to return a five thousand year old belt with all your nasty wear and tear on it, you just fucking TOLD us what you were going to do. Best believe we're telling security about you!
    Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet...

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    • #3
      Oh dear Lord. The balcony-wanters. I had one couple that were whining for a balcony in the middle of a literal blizzard (warning out and everything). Then you get the "but THEY said we could smoke on the balcony!" (who is THEY?). One bright spark, who not only had seen the policy plastered all over the hotel, but had signed a form detailing our smoking policy, decided to smoke in the room anyway and claim "nobody told meeeee."

      On a similar vein I had a woman who just would not believe that we didn't have a shuttle to take her wherever she wanted to go. She kept implying I should alter reality for her.
      "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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      • #4
        Quoth WishfulSpirit View Post
        Oh dear Lord. The balcony-wanters. I had one couple that were whining for a balcony in the middle of a literal blizzard (warning out and everything). Then you get the "but THEY said we could smoke on the balcony!" (who is THEY?). One bright spark, who not only had seen the policy plastered all over the hotel, but had signed a form detailing our smoking policy, decided to smoke in the room anyway and claim "nobody told meeeee."

        On a similar vein I had a woman who just would not believe that we didn't have a shuttle to take her wherever she wanted to go. She kept implying I should alter reality for her.
        'They' is apparently Bernie Horowitz and a room full of telephones.
        Last edited by taeraresh; 05-04-2016, 01:43 PM.

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        • #5
          Damages

          Cruise ships have banned smoking on balconies because a number of times the burning embers were blown by the breeze to another balcony and started a fire there.

          I assume the same can happen to an hotel, so the claim "we are not hurting anyone by smoking outside" is dangerously not true.

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          • #6
            I agree Earl, but Denver also has a Clean Air Law that makes it illegal to smoke within 30 feet of any door. It applies to public buildings, and my understanding is hotels count. Apartments apparently don't, which is why my lovely upstairs neighbors get to throw their lit butts down on us. Next time they do that and I see it I'm going to start screaming that some fucker threw his butt and burned the shit out of my arm. See if that stops them for a while.
            "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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            • #7
              Quoth earl colby pottinger View Post
              Cruise ships have banned smoking on balconies because a number of times the burning embers were blown by the breeze to another balcony and started a fire there.
              I've heard about cases where someone tossed a cigarette butt out the window when driving and (no A/C, obviously) it blew back in the rear window and set fire to their upholstery, or (trucker) set fire to the load of hay he was hauling.

              Ever seen the shower of sparks on the pavement when driving at night and someone in front tosses a butt out the window? It's quite startling - and even more so when it hits your windshield instead of the pavement.

              Quoth WishfulSpirit View Post
              I agree Earl, but Denver also has a Clean Air Law that makes it illegal to smoke within 30 feet of any door.
              Since Denver is in Colorado, has the guest in room 420 ever tried arguing that it only applies to TOBACCO?
              Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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              • #8
                Quoth wolfie View Post
                I've heard about cases where someone tossed a cigarette butt out the window when driving and (no A/C, obviously) it blew back in the rear window and set fire to their upholstery, or (trucker) set fire to the load of hay he was hauling.
                I was travelling in a convoy of cars that had that happen to one of the cars. They tossed the butt out the window, it went back in the back window and set fire to an oily rag on the back seat. Needless to say once it was safely put out there was much ragging about what an ashtray is for. Yes, it makes your car smell. Guess what? It already stinks; it doesn't matter if you've got your window open, smoking in your car makes it stink. Just because your nose had blocked out the smell of smoke doesn't mean it isn't there. It's like someone with BO not being able to smell themselves; you don't realise how bad it is until you stop making the smell.

                When my stepdad quit he had to wash everything he owned then get his car professionally cleaned inside as he hadn't realised just how badly the smell of smoke had permeated everything he was in contact with.
                Last edited by greek_jester; 05-16-2016, 05:30 PM.
                "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

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                • #9
                  Down where I used to live in California people would throw cigarette butts out of car windows when the temperature was 105 degrees F and the humidity was around 25%. And they were driving through an area where the roadside flora had fried months ago.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth wolfie View Post
                    I've heard about cases where someone tossed a cigarette butt out the window when driving and (no A/C, obviously) it blew back in the rear window and set fire to their upholstery, or (trucker) set fire to the load of hay he was hauling.
                    Long before I met her, Mrs. IA had that happen to her. She flicked the butt out the window and it went into the back window and scorched the seat, but no fire. She quit smoking soon after that.
                    "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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                    • #11
                      Quoth wolfie View Post
                      Since Denver is in Colorado, has the guest in room 420 ever tried arguing that it only applies to TOBACCO?
                      We specify that on our paperwork that every guest has to sign. That all rooms are non-smoking, and that includes marijuana.
                      To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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                      • #12
                        I had one of those the other day (balcony, not MJ, though that happens too). Guy called down to the front desk INSISTING he'd booked a balcony, that he'd NEVER have booked a room without one. I asked him to pull up his confirmation on his computer or show me a printout, and if it said "Balcony" and I'd be happy to move him to a balcony room. Didn't hear another peep out of him. Thanks for the apology asshole. Same guy also went up to another guest of a different ethnicity and demanded to know what room the food said guest was carrying was going to. Because someone being <ethnicity> automatically means they're here to bring you your delivery order, they couldn't POSSIBLY be staying at the same hotel and be coming back from picking up their own dinner RIGHT? Asshole.
                        Last edited by WishfulSpirit; 05-21-2016, 08:05 AM.
                        "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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                        • #13
                          I uhm... had other things in my mind for what they wanted that balcony for...

                          Wow is my brain vacationing in gutterland today.
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                          It's so I can get ideas out of my head, I decided to put it in a blog in case people are bored or are curious as to the (many) things in progress.

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                          • #14
                            Ambrosia, when I saw the thread title, that's pretty much where my brain went as well. Needless to say, I was rather disappointed in the reality of the thread.

                            "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                            Still A Customer."

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                            • #15
                              If it makes you feel any better, I've heard stories from other GSAs about finding young couples (usually wedding guests who just met and weren't in the same rooms, but were sharing rooms with their parents) going at it in the men's room.
                              "I try to be curious about everything, even things that don't interest me." -Alex Trebek

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