My Messy Girlfriend

[fireheart]

The thing is, people form emotional attachments to a lot of things, and it can cause stress if stuff gets tossed that they are attached to (not saying the attachment is always healthy in the first place...).

We're currently going through this at the moment. My boyfriend's parents pretty much became empty-nesters. They moved to the next town over and left the house to my boyfriend and a friend of mine. While they're both clean and the friend does not like clutter, my boyfriend's parents....

-On the move-out/move-in day, the friend and I spent a good few hours cleaning and dusting out EVERYTHING. The amount of stuff that went into what was formerly the parents bedroom.....

-Their shed is not much better. It is a giant garage of sorts, but was formerly used purely for storage (including for my friends furniture when she moved in). It STILL has stuff in there piled right to the back. The shed is fairly large (about 3m x 4m). We have a space of about 1m x 4m to move around in at the moment. The remaining 3m? ALL of their junk.

-The scary thing is, while the stuff in the parents room is still usable (a few cleanings notwithstanding), the stuff in the shed is not. It has everything from old signage (boyfriends mother ran a spud shop for a while), OLD computers (that are no longer usable for parts), broken furniture (and I do mean BROKEN), other assorted shelving units and odd bits.

For some reason though, while it was deemed messy by us, the landlord had no problem passing it every inspection. The parents still have yet to get their stuff.
I made the suggestion to my partner that if the stuff had not been moved prior to their first inspection, he should send a legal notice to them. He took that on purely as a suggestion.

It does feel weird walking through the laundry and the hallway and it not feeling so cluttered though! Or walking into what was formerly his sisters bedroom (now my friends bedroom) and not seeing it cluttered up with things of hers. (Boyfriends sister has an intellectual disability, but is capable of independent living to a point. She lives with a Downs Syndrome girl and has a carer who checks on them occasionally)

[mathnerd]

I'm kind of going through this with my parents' house, though my parents are still here. The house is huge: around 3000 square feet. There's also a two car garage and two 40 foot shipping containers on the property, along with a broken down RV that are used for storage. The house is PACKED with stuff. I hate keeping it clean because there's simply so much stuff in here. I'm sometimes embarrassed to bring people over because of it. Some of the highlights:

-a collection of about 500 VHS tapes. We no longer even own a VCR. Why do we need to keep the tapes?

-All sorts of toys, games and other random crap that completely fill one of the two living rooms in the house. You can barely get in that room for all the crap. The only saving grace is at least it's all pretty much on shelves.

-Three broken down vehicles. An RV that hasn't worked in over a decade, my old minivan that broke down in 2007 and a Ford Focus station wagon that broke down a year ago, but might be fixable. The problem is no effort is being made to fix any of them.

-The "project car". This one I'm not counting as junk. It's a reasonably sought after model Ford Mustang. It's on blocks in the garage, and we are slowly working on restoring it.

-A bright orange box truck named Og that hasn't run since 1994. This, at least, is hidden in the back corner of the property. It's also used for storage.

-A bunch of broken down lawn/farm equipment. It sits between Og and and the shipping containers.

One of the problems is that there were a few years when my father was transferred to another state; a state where real estate was much cheaper. The house they bough up there had pretty much the same footprint as this house, but it was three floors instead of the one floor that this one has. When they moved back, it took not one, but TWO semi trucks with 53 foot trailers to transport all their stuff. They moved back early summer of 1992. Because of the sheer amount of stuff, they only took some of their stuff (the "essentials"...you know, the stuff that would fit into one semi...the rest was left in storage for a little while). Anyway, if we remember our weather history, we will recall that Hurricane Andrew came through a few months after we moved back. It was pretty much all destroyed, but no worries, they had a whole second 53 foot trailer worth of stuff in storage!

So, in the intervening 21 years, not only have they not gotten rid of anything, they keep buying more stuff. It's annoying. I have a terrible time keeping things organized and livable. I also just realized I'm ranting, so I'll stop now.

[Greenday]

We talked and she admitted she has a problem keeping stuff clean. By the time I was leaving, the bathroom that I cleaned up was already collecting dirt and dust and hair and such. Easily noticeable stuff that could be cleaned quickly. I told her I didn't expect her to become a neat freak. I just wanted her to take a little more care. We'll see.

[Seshat]

Tackle it like you would tackle training a dog: we're all mammals, and we have the same basic type of 'reward' receptors. The 'learning' process is basically the same, we're just a bit more sophisticated; especially in what we can learn.

Imagine you were training a dog to put her toys in a basket when she was done with them. Now, our dog is particularly bright, so we don't actually have to teach her 'toy belongs in basket': all we're rewarding her for is actually DOING it.

At first, you reward her for every toy that makes it to within a metre or so of the basket. GOOD girl, have a dog treat, have a big fuss and a pat.
For the human, you glance into the basket and notice that she's occasionally putting things in there when she's done with them. You make a positive comment, and perhaps are especially affectionate.

The next stage for the dog is when you catch her getting a toy actually IN the basket. Up the praise level for that, reduce the praise level for toys that only make it 'near'. Dog now learns that 'in' is what gets praise.
For the girlfriend; either things being actually put away properly after the 'basket' stage, or a higher percentage of her usual <whatever>-room clutter is in the basket instead of being spread around.

Important note here: things which tend to stay in the basket might not HAVE proper places to be stored. You may have to help with arranging proper storage as well.

[sms001]

we're all mammals, and we have the same basic type of 'reward' receptors.

Which immediately brings to mind the Big Bang Theory episode where Sheldon is feeding Penny chocolates.

(Btw Greenday, I wouldn't recommend the other side of this paradigm. )

[lupo pazzesco]

This is an ongoing problem with me and the other half. I'm not a neat freak, but I can't stand clutter to excess.

He, on the other hand is perfectly content with things getting built up. Toilet can be cleaned once a month, Floors can be swept/vacuumed once a week. Except we have 3 cats and 3 litter boxes, it needs to be done more than that, and yes we do argue. Sometimes we just can't stand it (or each other's attitude towards it), and have it out.

What's helped us? We have a chore board. We do a deep deeeeeep clean of the place once a month, and then every day of the week, we focus on ONE room of the house. Monday is bedroom, Tuesday is kitchen, etc. There are some non-negotiable items that must be done everyday, such as dishes, trash when it's full, and cat boxes.

We schedule things like deep cleaning the carpets, and moving furniture to sweep underneath (Cats have a nasty tendency to chase stuff under sofas, apparently).

It's not perfect, but it helps, and that's largely due to our personalities. He admits he's just lazy, and I admit that sometimes I have perfectionist tendencies. OVerall, we're happier with the choreboard, and we can refer to it, and no more "well, we can do it this weekend". It's also freed up a LOT more time, too, because we're not doing a "scrub the apartment every weekend" and just exhausting ourselves trying to clean up after a week of blagh.

I don't know if it's helpful, but communication is key, and so is compromise. Do I wish he didn't leave his socks BY the hamper, or boxers on the bathroom floor? Yes, but he will eventually put them in the hamper.

Does he wish I wouldn't go 2 passes on the toilet with bleach instead of just one? Yes, probably. But we're getting there, and I guess I'm just trying to say, I understand, if nothing else.

Good luck!

[Gravekeeper]

Floors can be swept/vacuumed once a week. Except we have 3 cats and 3 litter boxes, it needs to be done more than that, and yes we do argue.

Give a corn/wheat based litter a try. My cat can't get it more than a foot from the litter box. With gravel types the little wench could get it half way down the hall to the kitchen. >.>

[fireheart]

Give a corn/wheat based litter a try. My cat can't get it more than a foot from the litter box. With gravel types the little wench could get it half way down the hall to the kitchen. >.>

We use this brand that looks like rabbit pellets (it's actually recycled newspaper) that my cat DOES scatter occasionally, but it's generally no further than a foot from the litterbox.

Otherwise, we use a litter box with a lip over the top. Cat hasn't been able to kick any out since

[lupo pazzesco]

Give a corn/wheat based litter a try. My cat can't get it more than a foot from the litter box. With gravel types the little wench could get it half way down the hall to the kitchen. >.>

One of the cats has a neurological/behavioral condition. She will NOT use anything but gravel/clay. Anything else and we find little 'presents' around the apartment. She's also just a straight bitchycat, but 2 of the 3 boxes have the corn/wheat naturals litter, one has the straight clay/gravel.

We're debating crate training the one with the behavior problems, using the corn/wheat variety, but it comes down to having time to do so.

And then there's the issue of 2 of the 3 having some Maine Coon in them. They shed. EVERYWHERE. >.<

[fireheart]

And then there's the issue of 2 of the 3 having some Maine Coon in them. They shed. EVERYWHERE. >.<

That wouldn't be Pumpkin and Indy by any chance would it?

As for the behavioural problems am I guessing that'd be Stormy?

[lupo pazzesco]

3 out of 3.

yup.

It's odd, because Pumpkin and Indy both look like domestic shorthairs, but the Coon in them means the short fuzz is a LOT of fuzz. I swear, they shed more than any other cat I've ever SEEN. Orange. EVERYWHERE

[fireheart]

3 out of 3.

yup.

It's odd, because Pumpkin and Indy both look like domestic shorthairs, but the Coon in them means the short fuzz is a LOT of fuzz. I swear, they shed more than any other cat I've ever SEEN. Orange. EVERYWHERE

A friend's cat (adopted stray/shelter bub) decided to christen his new abode by taking a dump about as far away from his litter tray as physically possible. Thankfully it was on tiled floor rather than carpet. Oddly he hasn't taken a dump anywhere else other than his litterbox since then though.

Then he tried to suck up to me all weekend.

Also, any pics of Indy? Haven't seen the bub since he was a kitten giving wolfie a bath.

As for cats shedding, my grandma's cat is a British Shorthair. "Short" is an understatement however. It SHEDS. EVERYWHERE. We can't pick him up because he just sheds on you all the time. My grandma has been known to resemble an Old English Sheepdog after grooming him (Also British shorthairs are BULKY...like you put my cat, my friend's cat and him side-by-side, he'd take out the heavyweight )