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Mom making me nuts over religion

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  • Mom making me nuts over religion

    I just wanted to bitch about my mother and ask you guys what I should be doing. I kind of have trouble stepping away and looking at this from another perspective.

    I got involved in a stupid Facebook meme that's going around where if you comment on someone else's shocking status update, you have to post something shocking from a specific list of shocking statuses, and you're not allowed to explain for 24 hours. In my case, I posted that I've been in 42 relationships.

    Now really, I'm 27 years old. I would have had to be extremely busy since I was 20 (when I was in my first relationship) to have had 42 relationships, averaging 6 per year!! But my mother took it at face value and said "Oh, and how many ungodly soul ties?" ON MY STATUS, WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.



    In the first place, I'm pagan. I've been telling her this in stages - she currently has decided I don't believe in any gods, even though what I actually said to her was "I don't worship any gods", which is true enough - I worship a land spirit. I work for gods. But...grarh! My thoughts won't come out clearly because I'm just so steamed right now.

    I sent her the meme by private message like I'm supposed to and didn't offer any other comment like "Gee, Mom, that was almost as rude as the time I told you I was bi and you asked if that meant I was going to try to screw my 10- and 8-year-old cousins" like, you know, I wanted to.

    She said a few months ago when my fiance let it slip that he was atheist that she wasn't coming to our wedding, and after that I told her that I'm not a Christian. Because until then she was laboring under the impression I still was. I haven't been since 2008. Once I said that, and that I respected her decision to stick to her guns on this issue (because she skipped her best friend's wedding for the same reason), she said she wasn't sure if she was coming to the wedding or not.

    Since then I haven't talked to her on the phone at all, only via Facebook, because I don't want to get her ranting at me about religion.

    What should I be doing with this? I don't want to deal with it, but I have to.
    "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." - Terry Pratchett
    Emissary of Minong - my blog and its Facebook page

  • #2
    Ugh, I feel your pain. I have a....must be real huge prude of a coworker I recently added to FB, and I made a funny status about VS making one size fits all thongs now, and she put on my status "That would have been better suited to a private message, don't you think?".......damn, you gotta love the awkward Facebook people who ruin everything. Who on earth would I have PM'ed that to? It was meant to be funny, so hence, everyone can see it.

    Some people are better off not on there. Truly.
    You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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    • #3
      One of my teachers mentioned that the problem with text messages (any written message, actually) is that you can't see facial expressions or tones of voice and thus they can be easily misconstrued ... and the longer I stay on Facebook the more I agree. People post stuff that's clearly funny and somebody takes umbrage or is outraged and writes a snotty rejoinder or starts ranting. Personally I'm trying to envision a one-size-fits-all thong and ...

      Dentarthurdent, if your mother is that determined to get you back on track (as she sees it), yeah, it's going to be tough. Can you start a discussion (in a calm voice) but if she starts ranting and stops listening, could you say, "Mom, I'm trying to explain but if you're not going to listen, I'm going to have to end this discussion"? And then, if she refuses to settle down and hear you out, walk out. The tough part is you have to be the one to stay calm here. But maybe if she understands that ranting and lecturing will only get her your absence, she might be willing to listen, even if she's not happy with what she hears.

      Alternately, could you write out what you need to say? Perhaps tell her you will discuss it with her after she's read the letter, or tell her you want her to respond in kind ... in writing ... to avoid a blowup that both of you will regret (regardless of whether you really would regret it ...)

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      • #4
        My mom knew my feelings about religion for a very long time and said she agreed with me. Then she became sick with cancer, and a catholic priest visited her and she suddenly converted. Then she tried to convert me. Let's just say, this did not go over well.

        Honestly, the way I dealt with it was to never ever bring up anything religious around her until she died. And she knew very well that the moment she started in on me was the moment I'd walk out. It's a long story, but it's not the first time I've done that about other things, and she knew where the line in the sand was.

        In the end, it worked out. We just stopped talking about it entirely. It was better for both of us and for our relationship, and she died with us still being very close.

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