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Flirting vs. Hitting On

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  • #16
    Quoth Jester View Post
    Admiring the female scenery at a bar and thinking about casual sex are not always or even often the same thing. Sometimes, but not always. Sometimes it's nice to just enjoy the view. Which I do. Often. Because, let's face it....I AM a guy.
    The point is still that I've seen all those behaviors out of you and they are still different.



    Quoth Jester View Post
    Let's be even more clear than that. The girl in question, who I have never met, recently friended me on Facebook from a suggestion from our mutual friend. Partly because this girl will be in Key West in a few months.

    So, this girl that I've never met, but who I've basically gotten along with in our few interactions in Facebook, posted on Facebook the question, "So, where's the best place to be tonight for NYE?"

    Happening to see this while eating dinner after work but before meeting up with friends for NYE festivities, and being a bit of a smartass and a bit of a FLIRT (emphasis added to make a point), I responded with the first thing that came to my head. Which was:

    "Key West.

    Or my lap...which happens to be in Key West."

    Draw your own conclusions, CS.
    To go even farther, our friend said I was allowed to quote the actual message she sent you with the "accusation of hitting on". It was:

    "You realize I'm morally obligated to give you shit for hitting on my friends. This could be fun to watch play out in person." Then followed shortly by something about the whole exchange putting a huge, shit eating grin on her face.

    It's obvious that our friend wasn't meaning anything other than what you define as flirting.

    Should it not be obvious to the rest of CS by this point, your friend and your friend's friend are both friends of mine. And couldn't you have given them names? It would be easier to refer to them if you had! There was another conversation between all the women, plus one more, that should be relayed here, and I AM going to give them names, because it would get to confusing.

    Me: Well, me.
    Jester's and my friend: Elizabeth
    Friend's Friend: Natalia
    Another friend of all three women: Ana

    Another point to note is that while Elizabeth and I live near each other, Natalia and Ana live fairly far away. All four women, along with a number of others, are a fairly tight knit group and spend a fair amount of time communicating via electronic means due to the fact that we're spread out across three countries on two continents.

    This topic came up between those of us I just named. Our general consensus closely matches mine, in that we think there's a range of behaviors that doesn't fit neatly into two terms, but that various people are trying to get to do so, and as such, everybody's drawing the line in different places. Elizabeth shared some of the text message conversation with Jester, and we all agreed that while Jester may not have actually been hitting on Natalia, it wasn't really flirting either, since there really was no intent there. All of us agree that real flirting does carry some intent, and the kid of flirtatious behavior that's been talked about isn't real flirting. Ana, who's a linguist, pointed out that we weren't actually talking about only two types of behaviors. So, both Elizabeth and Natalia admitted that they're gonna have to eat crow here, and admit that they had simply put all behavior that wasn't flirting-with-intent-for-something-nice into the same category, even though the intent is different than "hitting on".

    For the record, everybody in this group is an academic of some sort, so these types of nerdy conversations are par for the course.

    Also, for the record, One of the reasons Elizabeth reacted the way she did, and I agree with her on this point, is that Natalia would be the kind of woman you would be inclined to hit on when you meet her in person. Other than not being red-headed, she's physically what you've described as ideal. She's also smart, witty, strong willed and hysterically funny, which, of course, you will find out for yourself in a few months when we're all in Key West.

    So, I'm still going to have to go back to my original statements here, which, if I'm being honest, are mostly colored by Ana's thoughts, that this isn't a matter of "flirting vs. hitting on", but a matter of attempting to define terms too broadly and having it fail miserably.
    Last edited by mathnerd; 01-04-2014, 06:42 PM.
    At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

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    • #17
      Quoth mathnerd View Post
      Another point to note is that while Elizabeth and Ana live near each other, Natalia and Ana live fairly far away.
      Okay, I know I'm not an academic like the women mentioned, but please explain how the geographical living conditions you describe above are in any way possible? Or does Ana just live in two places at one?

      "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
      Still A Customer."

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      • #18
        Quoth Jester View Post
        Okay, I know I'm not an academic like the women mentioned, but please explain how the geographical living conditions you describe above are in any way possible? Or does Ana just live in two places at one?
        GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Typos! Bite me Jester.

        Lemme go back and fix that.

        ETA: When I was posting that, I kept re-reading it knowing there was something important that just wasn't right but couldn't figure out what. This is why I studied math, not writing. Also, I should probably refrain from posting before I finish my first pot (yes, pot, not cup) of coffee.
        Last edited by mathnerd; 01-04-2014, 05:41 PM.
        At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

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        • #19
          Quoth mathnerd View Post
          ... Bite me Jester.
          Where? And how hard?
          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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          • #20
            Quoth dalesys View Post
            Where? And how hard?
            Proverbially, of course.
            At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

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            • #21
              It's no secret some people just don't have the skills or experience to know what's what, and unfortunately, just for me trying to be polite and nice (like especially at work), it's gotten me asked out by several guys that I'd never want to date. And of course, it makes me look like a bitch even though they weren't smart enough to realize that just because someone's nice to you doesn't mean they like you that way.
              You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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              • #22
                Essentially the difference is decided by the person who is being flirted with/hit on. Because it's such a touchy subject it's probably best avoided by most.
                A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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                • #23
                  I've been told I am a big flirt. I actively listen to people and complement them if there is something to compliment them about. However, if I do flirt I am not actively aware of it, just as in order to get me to notice somebody flirting with me takes a clue by 4 to the head. Basically, if a woman does not come up to me and say "I want to date you" (or whatever) I am just not going to be aware of subtle clues.
                  Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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                  • #24
                    Quoth Mytical View Post
                    Basically, if a woman does not come up to me and say "I want to date you" (or whatever) I am just not going to be aware of subtle clues.
                    So the lovely Marmalady had a nice Clue by Four available?

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                    • #25
                      Well this may shock everybody, because it is very unlike me, but I actually told her I liked her first. I think on that day a certain person in a certain fiery pit had to put on an eskimo jacket.. but yes she used a more direct approach. She knew from my posts I could be rather .. clueless.
                      Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Quoth Mytical View Post
                        I've been told I am a big flirt. I actively listen to people and complement them if there is something to compliment them about. However, if I do flirt I am not actively aware of it, just as in order to get me to notice somebody flirting with me takes a clue by 4 to the head. Basically, if a woman does not come up to me and say "I want to date you" (or whatever) I am just not going to be aware of subtle clues.

                        Way back on the first page Jester mentioned that his friend had said that she'd never had anybody flirt with her who wasn't also hitting on her. I think that this type of thing comes into play here. Beyond the fact that she's normally reserved and self-conscious, she also frequently fails to pick up on subtle hints when it comes to interactions that aren't with close friends. Oddly, she can be extremely observant when it comes to observing other people's behavior towards each other, but when it comes to behavior towards herself, she's often flat out clueless. Also at play here is that she simply never considered the type of behavior Jester described in reference to his friends and bar customers as actual flirting, so it never crossed her mind that somebody could be flirting without any sort of intent.


                        Oh, and just to put anybody's mind at ease, all of the people who are involved in the real life situation that led to this thread are totally okay with what's been said on the thread. I've not posted anything about either of my friends without first getting permission from them.
                        At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Liar! You've posted tons about me without asking my permission first!

                          "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                          Still A Customer."

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                          • #28
                            Quoth Jester View Post
                            Liar! You've posted tons about me without asking my permission first!
                            Jester, dear, please keep in mind I say this with all the possible love for you I can muster....

                            STUFF IT!

                            I was only referring to those who can't speak for themselves, as they aren't members of this forum. You, my friend, are perfectly capable of defending yourself.
                            Last edited by mathnerd; 01-04-2014, 07:57 PM.
                            At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Oh law...there's a difference? I very rarely ever figure out either one when it's happening unless they randomly propose or something. (Weird things happen at bus stops...) I seriously don't know how to flirt and just can't figure out what it looks like when it's staring me in the face. My husband is the same way. We wouldn't even be together if he wasn't so dang blunt about things. So now you're telling me there are finer points to this...oh my head
                              The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

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                              • #30
                                All I know is, I am glad Marmalady contacted me.. and that she doesn't like mind games. I am a little too blunt sometimes, so need a very understanding special other. Some people's nature just come off as flirting/hitting on, without them being aware that people see it that way. Some people (like me) have a constant foot in mouth disease . Others would have given up on me a long time ago, but she stays around and is very understanding. I am a very lucky guy.
                                Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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