I know my wife is atypical, but...

[mathnerd]

It is, but (I have said this on the boards more than once before, so apologies to those who have seen it multiple times) I know a guy whose father had a vasectomy and ten years later his wife got pregnant, and she was definitely not sleeping with anyone else. I don't know how rare or what the odds are, but it can happen.

Every method of birth control has a failure rate. Some are smaller than others, but it can happen with any method. I found this this out the hard way not too terribly long ago. I had no idea that the failure rate of tubal ligations went up substantially after 10 years! I know this now!

[Moirae]

Hmm, I think I'm the only one here that feels this might be an age related thing. Women go through midlife crises too and the idea that she keeps the stuff might somehow make her feel younger "because there's a chance". Your wife is about the age when she's going to start freaking out a little. She might feel that, if she gets rid of it, then she's truly too old to ever have any kids again, even if she doesn't want any herself.

I'll be honest and say I'm 37 years old. I don't have kids and don't really want any. I love being auntie because I get to give them toys and be the cool aunt, then send them home to mum. But there's something in the back of my head that's cringing because I'm 37 years old. I'm almost too old to even remotely consider having kids. And though I don't want any, I also don't want to be old. I still FEEL like I'm in my early 20's (other than being exhausted alot. I work all the time. One thing I can say about the 30's is that you are BUSY). I don't want to be old enough that it's no longer an option.

It's odd... turning 30 didn't bother me in the least. Turning 35 on the other hand... that freaked me out a bit. And now Pearl Jam is on the oldies station. Ugggg. And today I just found out that Disney's Beauty and the Beast is considered a classic movie. Another Ugggg.

Does that make sense?

Oh and I really suggest that you don't ask her about it. Some women are very sensitive about their age (even going so far as to hide it) and she may get upset.

[Teysa]

I'm in a similar situation as you, Moirae. I turn 40 later this year and I never had any kids. To top things off, early menopause runs in my family so I expect to be going through that soon. I agree on the being an aunt thing. Unfortunately, I don't get to see my nieces and nephews as much as I would like to since they all live in Oklahoma and I live in Texas.

As for your wife, mjr, I wouldn't worry too much. When she's ready to let go, she will.

[Seshat]

Moirae: I understand what you mean.

When I was late twenties, I found out that I am, at best, semi-fertile. This triggered MONTHS of 'ohmigodIForgotToHaveChildren!' panic. Even though it wasn't 'forgot', it was 'didn't want'.

Eventually I sat myself down, and made a planned, thought-through, organised DECISION. And immediately felt much, much better.

It turned out that what I wanted wasn't children, it was the option to have them/not have them. And when I'd used that option, entirely of my own will ... all sorted.

This may or may not work for other people: but it worked for me. But having had the experience of freaking out over IForgetToHaveChildren! .. well, I understand it.

[Moirae]

My mom hit menopause in her late 30's (around my age actually). So yeah, I've had the same reaction. It's not about actually wanting them it's about I don't want the kids but I want the option. Weird, I know.

[Marmalady]

I still have my son's christening gown (which my mother made), the first little babygro he ever wore, and the outfit he wore when I brought him home from the hospital. Also his first pair of 'proper' shoes and the shawl I knitted for when he was born.

I don't long for more children, but I couldn't part with these things - I never expected to have even one child, so they're precious things to me, because they were his. And bearing in mind that every step a child takes is a step away from you, I think they're a little wistful reminder for us of the time when we were our child's whole world.