If you give a pimp a cookie...

[Antisocial_Worker]

...He'll want to sit in his car.

If you let him sit in his car, he'll lurk in the parking lot for two hours.

If you let him lurk in the parking lot for two hours, he'll scare the other guests.

If he scares the other guests, you'll have to go outside and ask him what he's doing.

If you ask him what he's doing, he'll tell you he's waiting for a friend.

If he's waiting for a "friend" you'll have to ask who it is.

If you ask who it is, he'll tell you she's a masseuse seeing a client, but she went to the room and there was no one there, so she's in the bathroom and will be out shortly.

If she's supposed to be out shortly, but isn't, you'll have say you're going to call the cops.

If you say you're going to call the cops, he's going to get this look on his face, tell you his blood sugar is dropping, and ask to come back into the hotel lobby to get another cookie.

You're going to let him take two just so he'll go away.

[BrenDAnn]

Did I just read the script of one of those TV vs dish ads? Also... I realize you're at a hotel but wow. The weird is strong there!

[Antisocial_Worker]

Did I just read the script of one of those TV vs dish ads? Also... I realize you're at a hotel but wow. The weird is strong there!

Nah, it's from a children's book called If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, in which giving the mouse a cookie ends up pretty much destroying life as we know it. Which is pretty much the same thing as giving a pimp two cookies.

Oh, and the "masseuse" was one of the discount hookers you see around town now and again. I'll let you think for a moment what a discount hooker might look like...

[gerund]

I'll let you think for a moment what a discount hooker might look like...

Like this?

[Antisocial_Worker]

Like this?

Yes, actually, but older.

[Argus]

What about the woman on this page?

[Jester]

I'll let you think for a moment what a discount hooker might look like...

So one of the amusing things about living here is that the county sheriff's office, which runs the local jail, has a website. And they're one of those departments that posts arrested people's mugshots on said website. Which, as an employer down here, can be quite useful. Many is the manager or business owner who checks the "funny pages" every morning to see which of their employees won't be coming to work that day, and thus will probably be an ex-employee.

I only occasionally look at said website, though many people in town, even if they are not running a business, will look at it regularly. For shits and giggles, you understand. And to see which of their friends and acquaintances had too much fun last night.

Well, one day on Facebook, one of my friends mentioned the woman who got arrested for prostitution...for $31. And apparently, her mugshot matched the discount rate. My curiosity piqued, I had to go look. And I found the mugshot in question. And I disagreed with my friend that it matched the rate. Frankly, I think she was overcharging her clients by about thirty bucks.

Helpful hint: if your bar tab is larger than you're hooker's going rate, one way or another, you're doing it wrong.