I'm not the reason your life is f-ed up

[Sliceanddice]

so its 11:38 pm.

I'm getting a bowl of cereal because my stomach is cranky and wants milk.

i hear my phone ringing in my bedroom.

its my dad.
*sigh*

he asks if he woke me, i lie and say yes because i don't him to think he can f-ing call me at 11:38 pm.

he says 'oh' and then there is like 45 seconds of complete silence. and i am getting annoyed.
so i say 'Can i help you' He asks 'if i can help him' not willing to be pulled into his drama i say ' most likely not'

then i hear him ranting through his shitty ass connection he always has now about since no one cares about him he is going to change his name so we can't find him anymore.

to which i think (not say because i dont want to justify his drama to him) 'like we really care now. and say 'do what ever you want'
he gets pissed and says 'well i guess you dont care about my life so ill just f- off' and hangs up.

and you know what? I really dont. hes been having problems with his liver. not 'full liver failure hes going to die any day now' problems but checked into the hospital for a few days back into the nursing home problems. and all i can find to say on the matter is 'im not surprised i dragged him to the hospital enough times for his stupid ass oding on his narcaotics, anti-phsicotics and the like, i expected this years ago'. He gets upset that we don;t care more about whats going on with him, when the only reason he ever seems to contact us is to whine about the same stuff hes whined about for the last 3 years and complain about us not caring and begging for money.

He had a fight with my brother about a month and a half ago. He called and begged my brother for money. and when my brother said no he freaked out. I don't know exactly what he said but he said something to my brother that made him never want to talk to him again. Based on the number of times he asked if my brother is gay i'm thinking he something along the lines of the the negative gay f word.

so yeah any problem he has he caused no one else.

ps he just sent me a text saying my mom has turned us against him which degenerated into a random series of letters ending with 'this is the last time you will ever hear from me. Remember i love you. Dad'

...... 5 bucks says he will call and cry and apologize.

[Sliceanddice]

is it wrong to want to sue your father

[Aislin]

It isn't wrong, but all things considered it would be a huge waste of time and energy. Addicts drive me crazy. My father is one, my sister married one and my mother enables them both. Just remind yourself this is him just being an addict and his brain isn't where it should be. First and formost take care of yourself and learn to ignore calls and only deal with him in situations you control.

[Sliceanddice]

yeah thats my feelings, especially since one of his things is 'since we dont give a crap we can get any of his precious money which we s obviously need and have been begging for' to which i replied 'um... if i wanted money i would just take you to court for the money you owe me not fake forgiving you for your temper tantrum your having just in hopes of some check'

and if i never hear from him again it will be too soon.

[cleorose]

I am a firm believer that no matter who it is, if the person is toxic, you need to walk away. There isn't anything you can do. They thrive on being melodramatic and living in their own personal pity party. When you try to shake the reality nuts from the tree, they get hostile, and YOU become their target and the reason everything is messed up.

I speak from experience. I have a sister who is the same, a brother in law who is now passed that is the same. Another brother in law in jail who is the same. And most recently a niece who has bit the drama queen apple.

Your blood pressure will thank you for moving on.

[Kittish]

Wait, wait, wait... He calls up family members begging for money... And then turns around and tries to say they've been begging HIM for money and no one is gonna see a dime of all his precious money because they all treat him so poorly???? WTF...

Yea, I'd block his number (if you can't do it directly on your phone, your carrier may be able to do it). No contact at all.

If you have doubts about blocking him, cutting off all contact, ask yourself this- Would you tolerate this behavior from someone not related to you? If the answer is no, then don't tolerate from a relation, common genetic material does NOT give anyone the right to abuse other people, nor does it engender any obligation on anyone's part to accept such treatment.

[taxguykarl]

'since we dont give a crap we can get any of his precious money which we s obviously need and have been begging for'

Query: What money? If he's OD'ing on street drugs, then he probably has little of his own. I speak from experience, specifically, and ex-GF who blew every two nickles she had to rub together on crack.
I agree with Kittish: Would you tolerate this from someone unrelated?

[Sliceanddice]

he ods on the meds his doctors give him nothing illegal. he was t boned by a ditz in a parking lot and is in the process of sewing her.

[Kittish]

Pardon me while I get technical for a moment. Yes, using prescription drugs in a manner other than directed IS illegal. It's one of those practically impossible to enforce laws that shouldn't even really BE a law, but it is, at least in the U.S.

And, rationalizations for his behavior aside*, my question still stands. Would you tolerate his behavior from someone not related to you?

*The ability of humans to rationalize almost any behavior into being 'acceptable' is almost unlimited. But that's a whole 'nother rant, for a different day.

[Sliceanddice]

no i wouldnt and im cutting him off

[Kittish]

Good for you!

[taxguykarl]

no i wouldnt and im cutting him off

Good job. Make it stick, you'll be no worse off.

[Crossbow]

Agreed with all of the "cut him off" sentiment. You don't need that in your life, no matter what the relationship is.

"Relative" does no equal "family," no matter how much people say otherwise.

[cleorose]

I would suggest a grown up conversation but from experience his type is unlikely to hear anything you say.

First No more money. He is a grown up. You are his kid even though you are grown. You are NOT gonna support him financially in any way shape or form. Period. It is money you need to survive and probably can not afford to throw away.

If he is that hard up he should qualify for assistance.

he needs to take that step to help himself. I hate people who yell pity me, take care of me but refuse to lift a finger for their own benefit.

[Sliceanddice]

yeah hes on social security disability