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I'm at a loss here. Situation with a friend that has me quite upset. It has to do with how she treats one of her cats. To me, she's being abusive toward the cat, and is going to wind up making him surly, unfriendly, and anti-social.
What she's doing that I consider so abusive is she's not being even handed with the cats. This one poor cat gets singled out for being reprimanded and punished for pretty much everything. He gets yelled at for being on the counter in the kitchen. But another cat gets to sit up on the counter while people are in the kitchen cooking. He's seen it repeatedly.
He got thrown into the swimming pool when she caught him peeing on a new area rug they had. THAT part I actually didn't have a problem with, she caught him in the act and chucked him in the pool.
The part I have a problem with is that 15 minutes later, when she finally let the cat back in the house and he was all 'you still like me, right?' she grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and locked him in the garage for the rest of the night. At that point, from the cat's point of view, he's being randomly punished for no reason at all. This is a frequent sort of occurrence for him.
Last night while we were there there was a spat between this cat and another of their cats (the one that is allowed to sit on the counters in the kitchen, in fact). Yelling ensued and the cats separated and both went off in different directions. It was assumed (by the cat's owners) that the 'primary culprit' had picked the fight, but he was nowhere to be found. Ten minutes later, he's doing the usual cat thing of wandering in the room near where the people are. She coos at him, coaxes him to her, and takes and locks him in isolation for the rest of the evening.
What I see happening is she's making this poor cat neurotic. He doesn't know what behavior is actually acceptable and what isn't because of their punishment pattern with him. What I see him getting out of it is 'if I'm friendly and loving, I get punished. if I come when called I get punished. other cats do stuff and I get punished. i'm going to get punished, so I do what I want.'* In my mind, this is abusive behavior on her part and it pisses me right the fuck off.
So this cat and the one that it fought with last night really do NOT get along at all. It's not this cat's fault either, he's tried multiple times to be friendly with the other one. And I'm watching for a behavior pattern that I fully expect to emerge soon, where the other cat starts picking fights with this one because he's figured out that it'll get this one locked away for most or part of a day. I suspect that may have been what happened last night, though I didn't see the start of the altercation.
I've told the owner multiple times that I will gladly take the cat she's having so much trouble with**, he's right in the middle of my two age wise, and I think they'd get along GREAT. And I'm absolutely certain that I won't have NEARLY so much trouble out of him over behavior issues. (Behavior issues, that, by the way, are getting worse over time, not better. Far as I'm concerned, this supports my case that their methods aren't teaching him anything good.)
I have not mentioned my thoughts about her treatment of this cat because I know exactly what's going to happen if I try to bring that up with her. She's going to take it as a personal attack on HER, no matter how calm or diplomatic I try to be explaining the problem I'm having with her treatment of this cat, and she's going to start yelling and getting all defensive and end with "If you don't like how I treat my animals, you can leave/stay out of my house."
So the question is, what do I do? Keep lobbying for her to give me the cat? Shut up and seethe silently whenever I see her mistreating him? Tell her what I think about how she's treating him and never visit her house again? Stop visiting altogether without saying anything on the theory that what I don't see happening won't upset me quite so much (cause I'll know it's still happening, even if I don't see it)? Talk to her husband, see if he's willing to try to discuss it with her? Try to steal the cat?
ETA: *I know cats don't think the way humans do, not in words or even coherent images most of the time. But, I'm human so I have to use terms that humans understand in describing his emotional states. Yes, I am aware of them directly at times, with not only this cat, but most cats and many humans as well. It may be something as simple as being hyper aware of body language and facial expression.
**She's mentioned more than twice in my hearing that if the cat's behavior doesn't improve that she's going to get rid of him. Last time she did so, I latched on to it and said 'Ok, I'll take him.' She backed off and hemmed and hawed and decided she couldn't possibly part with her darling boy.
What she's doing that I consider so abusive is she's not being even handed with the cats. This one poor cat gets singled out for being reprimanded and punished for pretty much everything. He gets yelled at for being on the counter in the kitchen. But another cat gets to sit up on the counter while people are in the kitchen cooking. He's seen it repeatedly.
He got thrown into the swimming pool when she caught him peeing on a new area rug they had. THAT part I actually didn't have a problem with, she caught him in the act and chucked him in the pool.
The part I have a problem with is that 15 minutes later, when she finally let the cat back in the house and he was all 'you still like me, right?' she grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and locked him in the garage for the rest of the night. At that point, from the cat's point of view, he's being randomly punished for no reason at all. This is a frequent sort of occurrence for him.
Last night while we were there there was a spat between this cat and another of their cats (the one that is allowed to sit on the counters in the kitchen, in fact). Yelling ensued and the cats separated and both went off in different directions. It was assumed (by the cat's owners) that the 'primary culprit' had picked the fight, but he was nowhere to be found. Ten minutes later, he's doing the usual cat thing of wandering in the room near where the people are. She coos at him, coaxes him to her, and takes and locks him in isolation for the rest of the evening.
What I see happening is she's making this poor cat neurotic. He doesn't know what behavior is actually acceptable and what isn't because of their punishment pattern with him. What I see him getting out of it is 'if I'm friendly and loving, I get punished. if I come when called I get punished. other cats do stuff and I get punished. i'm going to get punished, so I do what I want.'* In my mind, this is abusive behavior on her part and it pisses me right the fuck off.
So this cat and the one that it fought with last night really do NOT get along at all. It's not this cat's fault either, he's tried multiple times to be friendly with the other one. And I'm watching for a behavior pattern that I fully expect to emerge soon, where the other cat starts picking fights with this one because he's figured out that it'll get this one locked away for most or part of a day. I suspect that may have been what happened last night, though I didn't see the start of the altercation.
I've told the owner multiple times that I will gladly take the cat she's having so much trouble with**, he's right in the middle of my two age wise, and I think they'd get along GREAT. And I'm absolutely certain that I won't have NEARLY so much trouble out of him over behavior issues. (Behavior issues, that, by the way, are getting worse over time, not better. Far as I'm concerned, this supports my case that their methods aren't teaching him anything good.)
I have not mentioned my thoughts about her treatment of this cat because I know exactly what's going to happen if I try to bring that up with her. She's going to take it as a personal attack on HER, no matter how calm or diplomatic I try to be explaining the problem I'm having with her treatment of this cat, and she's going to start yelling and getting all defensive and end with "If you don't like how I treat my animals, you can leave/stay out of my house."
So the question is, what do I do? Keep lobbying for her to give me the cat? Shut up and seethe silently whenever I see her mistreating him? Tell her what I think about how she's treating him and never visit her house again? Stop visiting altogether without saying anything on the theory that what I don't see happening won't upset me quite so much (cause I'll know it's still happening, even if I don't see it)? Talk to her husband, see if he's willing to try to discuss it with her? Try to steal the cat?
ETA: *I know cats don't think the way humans do, not in words or even coherent images most of the time. But, I'm human so I have to use terms that humans understand in describing his emotional states. Yes, I am aware of them directly at times, with not only this cat, but most cats and many humans as well. It may be something as simple as being hyper aware of body language and facial expression.
**She's mentioned more than twice in my hearing that if the cat's behavior doesn't improve that she's going to get rid of him. Last time she did so, I latched on to it and said 'Ok, I'll take him.' She backed off and hemmed and hawed and decided she couldn't possibly part with her darling boy.
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