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Week end at Bernie's

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  • Week end at Bernie's

    (Sorry, Kinda long)
    I work at an assisted living facility. A great place with some really good residents, but the downfall is they are elderly so they end up passing more frequently than we would like. Yesterday we had one die..a really nice lady too. So the funeral home was coming for the body around 3 pm. The front desk guy, who is an absolute riot, asked me to make sure the main halls were clear while they brought the gurney up the back elevator to the main elevator (the back elevator does not go to the floor where the resident's apartment is). I got some of the ladies to go to the main lobby/living room area who were in a room ready to start an activity and we closed the double doors blocking off the lobby from where we were. While FDG went to meet the back elevator from the ground floor to escort them up, I just played crossing guard to keep people away..it was no problem as no one was currently coming from their apartments. So the gurney goes to the 3rd floor to retrieve the body, and FDG and I stand guard at the elevator for their return trip. He opened up the doors to the lobby and said we could keep any residents back if necessary. FDG goes over to a resident who is making her way to the elevator and I notice elevator go down from 3rd floor to first (main floor and one we are on is the second). I look at FDG and say "OMG elevator just went to 1!!! They do know to come to 2 to get the back elevator, right???" FDG runs to his desk, looks at the video moniters and yells "SHIT" and takes off down the steps...there are about 15 residents on 1 playing Pokeno in the big living room/game room area!!! And we are now thinking "Holy shit, a corpse is going to interrupt the game!!!" Thankfully it wasn't them, but to be on the safe side, FDG goes running up 2 flights of steps to tell them to make sure they press 2..he then runs BACK down the steps because the game was breaking up and all the residents would be calling for the elevator to come up to either their apartments or to hang out and we didn't want the elevator tied up. He tells them the elevator was stuck, be just a few minutes, and thankfully they all waited. So now, he is sweating and panicking and I have a troop of residents coming down the hall towards the elevator and a resident who is slightly out there wants to go to her room NOW and I am redirecting everyone back to where they came from with out yelling " A BODY IS COMING THRU!!" Finally here comes the elevator, we have everyone cleared, they go out (after a quick stop for myself and a few co workers to pay quick respects) and FDG escorts them down to the hearse. Oh, and BTW..the Wellness staff that should be taking charge for all of this? Didn't see one of them until the hearse pulled away
    FDG and I did laugh about it later when he thanked me for playing Weekend at Bernie's with him!

  • #2
    Quoth registerrodeo View Post
    they are elderly so they end up passing more frequently than we would like.
    How can this be? I thought Grim Reaper visits were limited to one per person?
    Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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    • #3
      Quoth wolfie View Post
      How can this be? I thought Grim Reaper visits were limited to one per person?
      You forgot Rincewind.

      (Wonders if DEATH has Luggage chews on his anklebones...)
      I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
      Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
      Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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      • #4
        Haha...One per person, but with on average 92 residents, he comes in to visit a lot

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        • #5
          Quoth registerrodeo View Post
          Haha...One per person, but with on average 92 residents, he comes in to visit a lot
          He has quite a bit in common with Santa Claus then, doesn't he?

          So many trips, so little time.
          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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          • #6
            I am now picturing a black sleigh, festooned with black crepe paper, being led by 8 tiny demon dogs from hell, flying thru the air while the Grim Reaper yells out "A Merry Death to all, and to all their last night!"

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            • #7
              It was a wood coloured sleigh pulled by pigs.
              [/Hogfather]
              I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
              Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
              Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth registerrodeo View Post
                I am now picturing a black sleigh, festooned with black crepe paper, being led by 8 tiny demon dogs from hell, flying thru the air while the Grim Reaper yells out "A Merry Death to all, and to all their last night!"
                LMAO!!!

                That has the makings of one helluva Halloween story IMO.
                Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                • #9
                  Quoth registerrodeo View Post
                  I am now picturing a black sleigh, festooned with black crepe paper, being led by 8 tiny demon dogs from hell, flying thru the air while the Grim Reaper yells out "A Merry Death to all, and to all their last night!"
                  Hang on, didn't Tim Burton do a variation on this with "The Nightmare Before Christmas"? Alternatively there's PTerry's "Hogfather" if you fancy a good book.
                  "It is traditional when asking for help or advice to listen to the answers you receive" - RealUnimportant

                  Rev that Engine Louder, I Can't Hear How Small Your Dick Is - Jay 2K Winger

                  The Darwin Awards The best site to visit to restore your faith in instant karma.

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