My trial by fire isn't going well

[smileyeagle1021]

remember, to take care of yourself now and then.

I really wish I could, but this is one case where I gave my word that nothing would happen to him, gave my word that we'd get him on a better path, gave my word that he would be in a better place. Worrying about this is taking care of myself. My word is on the line, and what is more important than that?
And while I tell people all the time that it does no good to anyone if you destroy yourself in an attempt at sacrifice, but that is advice that is much easier to give than to follow. I know that I've quite literally worried myself sick, but I can't help it. One of the thoughts that goes through my mind is that if I can't help my godson, then what place do I have either adopting or doing a surrogacy? If I fail once, what says I won't fail again? I know it isn't logical, but that is the thought that keeps pushing its way through.

[smileyeagle1021]

an update

It seems like the prayers and thoughts have been working. So far he's staid out of trouble, he's found a temp job to keep him busy (it's an awful job doing telemarketing, but a job to keep him busy and help him to pay for some of this misadventure), and by all appearances he is staying clean.
We still have to deal with a judge that is dragging his feet scheduling a hearing, but hopefully it won't be too much longer.

[morgana]

Good news!

At this point, I wish we had a fingers-crossed smiley. Candle's still lit . . .

[Victory Sabre]

All of my good thoughts are being sent your direction.

[smileyeagle1021]

Quick update.
First the good news.
He has a court date of the 16th, so this should be over soon.
The not so good news.
According to the court clerk, while the judge may be inclined to take his PO's suggestion of calling the whole thing done, there is still a chance that the judge may have to make a symbolic sentence (eg a week in jail).
The shit hitting the fan news.
He's gotten back together with his ex. I think I'd rather have found out he was shot. He has in doing this thrown away what would have been an amazing relationship that was all but cemented with a very nice girl here in Reno, who actively encouraged him to better himself, and had the potential to be a good long term relationship... the two seemed meant for each other, but good luck getting her to forgive that. Oh, and the reasons it was a bad idea to go back to his ex go much deeper, she is a bit of a failure at life, she is a high school drop out with no intention of ever getting a GED, she doesn't want our godson to get his GED either, she feels it is a waste of time, the only improvement he should ever make in his life is to work enough hours that she doesn't have to work, she frankly has no ambition beyond making sure that she is surrounded by others with no ambition, even if it means taking it away from them.
To be honest, I feel kind of like a failure. I should have set a better example, should have done a better job teaching, should have been a better father figure. He says he doesn't feel like I've failed him, but clearly I have if a life of being demeaned and manipulated and enabled to fail seemed preferable to actually sticking it out and bettering himself.

[Gizmo]

You can only provide the support that this boy needs. He has to take it. Including not allowing himself to be delusional about an Ex and whether that connection is better than continued improvement of himself.

Hopefully things will clear up a bit and he will see the daylight about her and his choices.

[smileyeagle1021]

To be honest, the hardest part of this is that I have to accept that I invested a lot of time, a lot of money, and a lot of emotional effort into this to end up having him going back to pretty much exactly where he started. So, I have to ask myself, what was the fucking point? Why did I even bother?

[dawnfire]

the only thing you can hope for that the things you taught him come back to him at a later stage.